Coming to terms with the fact you'll never have a baby

[dangermou5e]

Over three years now TTC, it just feels like it's not going to happen for me.

Should I be sad? I don't know what to feel, probably confusion.

I already get excluded amongst friends so am I resigned to a life of loneliness?

I just can't imagine it ever happening now it's been this long and still nothing.

I have had treatment and fixed medical conditions which reduced fertility but it's been so draining I just feel like I can't continue this 'what if' life

I'm sorry to hear that. Don't give up. Have you looked into fertility treatment like IVF?

I am keeping an ‘infertility bonus’ list of all
the good things that we think of if our IVF treatment fails (multiple rounds done, bad at making embryos).

The usual - lie-ins, nice hotels etc. Plus random stuff we think of, like never having to join the PTA and deal with annoying competitive parents or to have to care about education policy, never having to clean anyone’s vomit from my hair or watch irritating kids tv when I prefer other stuff. Retiring earlier is a big one.

It doesn’t remove the grief (multiple losses, lost future plans) but it balances out that ‘failure’ narrative a smidge.

My husband and I have been making a list of positives if our IVF cycles aren't successful.

We love travelling so the bonus of not having kids is that we'll be able to go where ever we want, whenever we want.
We also love expensive tech which we'd have to stop buying because we couldn't afford it if we had a baby.

There are definitely positives to be found, even if it's hard in the moment to find them.

It's devastating to actually think about never being able to conceive and it's something I'm still struggling with, but finding a couple of things that you could look forward to might help you.

@nizo1245 have you started IVF yet and if so how many cycles have you had or do you plan to have?

I've been advised to undergo IVF if nothing has happened in the next 12 months

@dangermou5e I'm mid way through the first cycle - on day 7 of stimulation.

It's been totally fine so far, nowhere near as bad as I though.
A bit invasive with lots of internal scans, but minimal side effects and the needles aren't that bad. I'm on 2 injections a day at the moment.

To be honest it's been a massive weight off just getting started on this cycle. It's out of our hands now so we've kind of just accepted that if it happens it happens, if not then we can move on.

Another year seems like a long time if you're already 3 years in. Is there any way to push for a referral sooner?

@nizo1245 I had health issues and they have only just cleared up and the were causing the infertility or so we think - so it's a case of starting again

Best of luck on your cycle I hope it works out for you