TTC is so hard!!!!!

[DreamingOfARainbowx]

I’ve not wanted to join one of these forums before because I didn’t think it would help (I’d just read them looking for advice each month before AF when I had ‘symptoms’).
I always thought… I’m obsessed enough about getting pregnant.. let alone without actively talking about it too… but I’ve realised I need to talk to someone about it - even if it’s just to type this message and let my frustrations out 🙈

I had an abortion when I was 17 and the experience was horrendous and the guy I was with at the time was a horrible guy. I mention this just because it was the right thing to do at the time in that situation… but I forever felt so guilty about what I did and constantly had a fear I wouldn’t be able to have kids because of what I’d done.

At 27, (when i was happily with my new partner) we decided we were going to be ‘casually’ TTC.
I came off contraception and we just thought we’d see ‘what happens’ - no pressure. Anyway, fast forward to 2 years later and I’m 29 and still haven’t got pregnant.
At 29, I ended up going back on the pill for about 6 months as we were getting married that year and I decided now wasn’t the right time ‘just in case’.
Once we were married… I came back off the pill (although I question whether I ever needed to go back on it Urgh) and here we are again… it’s been 10 months so far (nearly 3 years in total of actually trying when off) with no luck.

Every month I pee on those clear blue ovulation sticks.. see it say ‘ovulating’… so we get down to business.. and every month at the end I get all the ‘symptoms’ followed by an occasional late AF just to play tricks on me… but still nothing.

Not only that, but a lot of my friends around me are currently getting pregnant instantly or ‘by accident’ and I feel like I’m the only one who isn’t. I know I won’t be.. but it just sucks so much.

I guess next steps is to get checked over at the doctors but I don’t think they’ll do anything until we meet that 12 month criteria… but mannn, it’s so hard every month isn’t it xD.

The never knowing if it will ever happen… especially because of what I did when I was 17.
I keep dreaming about being pregnant too and seeing positive pregnancy tests in my dreams… waking up… thinking it was real, then remembering…

Plus, I know this is really selfish… but my younger sister is about to go TTC too.. and I’m so Jealous about her getting pregnant super quick. I know it’s going to kill me a little inside if I’m still struggling to get pregnant and it happens for her before me. But I don’t want to think like that!! It’s so negative.

I just need to try and think positive… manifesting my rainbow baby….. sigh…. (AF has just finished for cycle 10… so here we go again.. cycle 11 (x3)…

sorry for rant x

Hello! I know how you feel, I was convinced I'd get pregnant right away as mam did, and I've ever used hormonal contraception so I knew my cycles to a tee. But nada! Because I was 33 when TTC I fibbed to the Dr and said we'd been trying for a year when it was actually 8 months, but glad I did because it turned out my husband has a sperm count that would make naturally conceiving impossible! We've since had a round of ivf, not pregnant but have another 5 embryos frozen to try:)

I would say tell the Dr and give them your whole ttc history, not just the 10 months since you came off pill, they'd probably start investigations right away. If you have the money I would also just pay for a private semen analysis, usually about 100 to 150 pound and it would at least give you breathing space between now and the gp appointments.

I had the scenario you're worried about too, where my little sister who never really wanted kids, started TTC and caught 2nd month like my mam, she just had her boy yesterday :) it was a mad mixed feeling of happiness for her and sorrow for me when I found out, can't help but wonder if I'd have caught so quickly if hubby's sperm was at optimal parameters, but I just focused on the here and now, how much I love my hubby, my sister and now my beautiful little nephew, and hope I can make a playmate for him soon!

Best of luck with your journey, just chase appointments and if you can, skip the queue with some private tests if you're worried. I paid for a private transvaginal ultrasound for myself before testing hubby's sperm and was relieved things were normal there, gave me some peace if mind while investigating other things.

Thank you so much for your reply. I don’t wish this scenario upon anybody, but it helps to know I’m not the only one.

I was going to do what you said.. but I don’t think I can based on when I last requested contraception (I.E. they might figure I was lying and catch me out aha).

Thanks for the advice on getting tests done privately in the short term to ease our mind though - I might suggest it to my husband as that price doesn’t seem too bad in the great scheme of things.

Sending you lots of baby dust - I really hope it happens for you soon xxx

I’d speak to your doctor as they may factor in your previous stint of ttc, or they might at least start blood tests.

I have a friend who has announced she is TTC and the mixed feelings I felt were horrendous. Happy for her, but bitter too - I’ve not really shared our journey with my friends as I didn’t want the questions if it didn’t work/needed help. Which it turns out we do, 3+ years and nothing, never seen a positive test. I had to stop myself from saying don’t get your hopes up!

I know if she does get pregnant super quick I’ll not know how to feel about it.

Anyway, I’d speak to your doctor- they might start ball rolling with tests at least before they refer you, which would feel like at least something is happening.

I'm so sorry to read this, it's like reading my journey. Spent so long desperate for a baby and the sinking feeling when friends would get pregnant or announce they were ttc, knowing the years we spent struggling. The worst one; when people would start a relationship, get married, have a baby, during which time we are still there trying and that hopeless feeling every month when AF arrives after days of symptom spotting and clutching to anything that might suggest we were successful that month. We spent years trying, went for tests- all was fine. Ended up thinking about adoption, then covid hit, so that stopped in its tracks. Then, 6 years after we started trying, my period was late, that wasnt unusual and i didn't really think anything of it but got a hpt, because tbh I think I was a bit addicted as we just longed for a baby so badly. Anyway, the flipping thing came back positive!! We couldn't believe it, after so long we had just lost all hope. It was an anxious pregnancy but all was well and my boy arrived safely and healthy. I am just sharing this because I remember so clearly the hopeless feeling every month and the longing, and the slight upset when yet another person announced a pregnancy. So don't lose hope and stay strong (or don't, we are allowed fragility) But I just wanted to give an example of how things can work out when you feel at your lowest ebb. I really hope this is helpful to you and gives a bit of hope (I never post in these things but this just struck a chord with me)
Wishing you all the best x

Thank you so much for your kind words and I really appreciate you sharing your story too. That’s such an amazing outcome and it does bring me with some reassurance!
I know I was young… so obviously I would have been more ‘fertile’ but it angers me so much inside that I got pregnant so easily ‘by accident’ with the completely wrong person when I was young but now I’m ready, with an amazing man and it just isn’t happening! Life can be so cruel!

I know what you mean about seeing people get through massive stages in their life and still being there waiting for that positive test though!
Everytime I see a celebrity announce their pregnant, I end up deleting them as I can’t handle watching their journey 🙈
The amount of celebs I’ve seen announce their pregnancy.. have the baby.. and now their baby is 1 or 2 aha.

Today is cycle day 7 of this month so not long now until I should ovulate… fingers crossed for this month 🤞🤞

I like to think everything happens for a reason so although it’s hard… I keep telling myself there is a reason this hasn’t happened just yet!
Maybe my sister will have a baby first and I’ll get to be an aunt which will give me some experience for my own baby (that’s what I’m trying to tell myself aha) xxx

i know this thread is old but your stories sound so similar to mine. I had a MC in November at 9 weeks after not really trying. Now I’m obsessed with babies
and everything related!!!
cant fall pregnant and it’s so heartbreaking every month. I feel like all of my friends/family and work colleagues are pregnant and while I’m happy for them I’m so sad for me!!
hopefully it happens for me soon and I hope it happened for you guys!

I’m so sorry to hear about your MC. That must have been hard xxx

Sadly I’m still not pregnant so I can relate to the feelings of not being pregnant xx

My husband is booked in to the hospital to have a sperm analysis in a few months so we’re just waiting to see what comes of that.

I went to go see a fortune teller the other day (I don’t really believe in it, but I wanted to give myself some hope 😂).
She told me I’d have children when the time is right so even though it may not be true, I’m holding on to that and trying to ‘manifest it’.

I know it’s easier said than done, and I don’t think I’ve mastered it, but try and not stress as apparently stress can be a huge factor in trying to get pregnant.

I hope your time comes soon xxx

I just wanted to pop on here to give an update as in last one I had a fresh IVF transfer that didn't work, but two months later my first frozen one did and I'm now 22 weeks pregnant with a little boy I can feel kicking about in there even now :) it's been a long journey but so worth it all so far, and there are so many amazing aids to conception now, so there's lots of hope x

Thanks for both of your replies!

AF came today so onto a new cycle! I’m also manifesting this for my future. My fiancé keeps saying it will happen so I’m trying to share that sentiment.

hopefully the appointment helps you get some answers.

bought some work out stuff last night hoping to start that back up as it helped me hugely with mental health etc xx

@DreamingOfARainbowx this post 🙌🏼 I always feel like I'm the only person in the world that is struggling, we've been ttc for over a year, I've had my blood tests, scans and swabs even though no one has told me for definite but it's looking very likely I have PCOS I've always had irregular cycles so it wasn't a surprise to me, I'm glad you've reached out for help ✨

The guilt of hearing people announce pregnancy is REAL! I'm happy for them but sad for me. 2 of my best friends have got pregnant so easy in the time we've been trying, I'm happy for them but it is hard to get my head around, why is it so easy for other people?

My life motto at the minute is "it's not an if, it's a when" I'm very positive in the fact I know it will happen I just don't know when.

Wishing you all the luck in the world with your journey 🤍

@99SR positive vibes for you ✨ it's not an if but a when ✨

I have had a few people mentioning Inositol today so I've put myself an order in on MyOva, I will let people know how I get on 🤍