Hi everyone.
I am writing a play about a couple who are ttc and I wanted to reach out to ask anyone who is comfortable to share more about their journey ttc specifically with male infertility. This is a hugely personal and sensitive subject yet please know I approach with nothing but respect, compassion, curiosity and good intentions. Your input would be very welcome.
NB: I've no intention of bringing up trauma or provoking pain, so please be careful if you intend to reply. Protect your energy. Likewise, if this isn't for you, no problem.
Inspiration: This is directly inspired by a brief comment from a friend talking to me about a couple I know (not well) who have struggled to conceive due to male infertility. Over three years they've tried everything and from what I understand have accepted they can't have children together. When I heard this I felt a profound sadness stir within me but also a desire to know more: I have absolutely no idea what they are going through. And how many other must be too?
Purpose: As a theatre maker, I have a strong desire to tell untold stories. And this feels like an experience that is largely kept private from public discourse (at least what I come into contact with) but nonetheless very much part of the human experience today. Theatre brings us closer to ourselves and each other and also raises important questions for us to consider as individuals and collectively, and as this is such a fundamental aspect of life I feel it could create more connection if explored and shared in a collective space. 'Only connect!'
About the play: The play is set in a flat in London and follows the journey of a couple at different stages of their ttc journey. There is conflict. There are questions: About their relationship. About each other's identity and purpose. About their relationship to friends, family and society. There are things being said and done. There are many things not being said and done. There is sadness. There is resentment. There is jealousy. There is joy and love. There is hope. It is also the story of the mystery of conception and two human's search for meaning in an increasingly godless society.
Next steps: I am trying to absorb and learn as much as possible from different threads but these will only take me so far which is why I wanted to ask for anyone who feels comfortable to share stories and examples from their world.
Having your help: My main question is simply this: What conflict and questions has it brought up for you? Having some specific examples of arguments, tense conversations and thoughts would be very illuminating. Reflecting an honest experience is crucial, so I'm especially interested things you haven't shared with anyone else, including your partner, and instances when you have been 'at your worst' e.g. jealous, destructive towards yourself or others. Conversely, is it all tragedy or have you found more wonder, joy and closeness? I'm hear to read your stories.
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Also, if you can make time, I also have some more specific questions. Each one of these could be a book and there's so much to talk about. But even so any responses are very welcome.
Male Fertility
What type of male fertility are you/your partner working with?
Can you help paint the picture of the journey of testing and treatment here?
If you are male
How has infertility impacted your thoughts, feelings and behaviour?
Has this affected your sense of being a man, sense of self. If so how?
If you are female
How has your male partner's infertility impacted your thoughts, feelings and behaviour towards them?
Is there anything you haven't told them?
What's more important, your relationship with your male partner or giving birth to your own child naturally?
Have you ever considered leaving them?
What else can you share to help me understand your experience here?
Your relationship
Where has there been conflict and arguments? What started them? Where were you? Was there resolution or more division?
Are you going to stay together?
Are you open to adoption or not at all?
Friends, family, society
Who do you talk to about ttc? Where, when, who is there?
Is it private between couples or more private between close friendship groups?
Have you thought, behaved differently in regards to your friends and family, esp those with new born children?
Marriage
For those who got married before ttc.
To what extent did you get married because it's the most stable social structure to bring up children? If so, how has not being able to conceive made your question the purpose of marriage?
Do not being able to conceive make marriage less significant? I'm curious here.
The beyond
Have you found any meaning in all of this?
Have you thought about god, the great beyond, a higher power?
Has religion / spiritualism played more or less role in your life?
How have you grown as a person?
Are you curious where life comes from?
With best wishes and deepest respect. And to all those still on the journey trying to conceive, I wish you all the best.
R