IVF and privacy at work

[IVFing86]

Hi lovely people!

Tomorrow I’ll finish my pills so the baseline scan and my first ever IVF cycle are happening very soon.

My clinic is in London so I have to travel for appointments every time, which means losing the whole morning.

I know that legally companies are not obligated to give workers time off for IVF, however I believe they do for medical appointments but not too sure on this…

I have a good relationship with my immediate manager and I told her months ago that I was doing IVF (but wanted to keep it private) and she was very supportive about it.

At the beginning of the year I had a cancelled cycle abroad and work had allowed me 2 weeks off for medical reasons (which I never took in the end)

This time around everything seems to be going ahead with the treatment however the way that they are operating at work is different as I got asked to detail how many days I’d need as exactly as possible. I tried to gauge this as best as possible and then I emailed it to my manager. I asked for 2 weeks off broken down into some half days for the scans/bloods and full days for the procedures (the whole treatment will last about 34 days from start to finish).

Being my first time this is making me incredibly stressed because I’m so anxious about the needles but also I’m not sure if I should concentrate the resting time more on the after the embryo transfer or what if my stomach is super sore and I need to work from home…currently working on a hybrid basis.

The other point here is that I have been asked to provide a more accurate plan once I have my treatment plan confirmed. This email will go to 3 more people. It turns out that the previous email also went to these people and I typed it just thinking that my manager would read it and then summarize it to the rest but she resent it directly to them.

I’m starting to feel violated as I was hoping to keep this private but by giving so many details and breakdowns there are now 3 more people at work that know that I’m doing IVF which really upsets me as it wasn’t my choice (my manager did say to these 3 that I don’t want to specify what the procedure is but it’s very obvious with all the broken down details so they actually know what it’s for)

I also don’t feel that (unless they accept my 2 weeks to be spread along the whole month petition) I’m being given extra support if all they’ll be allowing me is time off for the appointments and procedures as this, unless I’m wrong here, is standard.

Please can anyone shed some light here? Do you have any advice on how to handle this situation better? Thank you in advance for your support and for reading the long post, I wasn’t able to sleep 😴 xx

I found it really hard my first round as I tried to hide it. Mainly because I could manage my morning appointments and diary on my own but then when I needed the full day off for egg collection I told my manager who said I should have said to them. There was no policy but HR said it’s at their discretion and gave me special leave for hospital appointments. I made it clear that timelines can’t be given and at times I won’t know if I’m in the next day or not but they do get two days notice for egg collection which is a full day off work and I was unexpectedly sore the following day and thankfully worked from home that day. I was really stressed my first round as people were inviting me to meetings and I couldn’t confirm if I would be there or not. I decided to put myself first the second time and took the time off sick. My work were really supportive for me to do that. It’s the best thing I’ve done as it has taken away one part of the stress. It also ended up with my team and other managers knowing and I felt such a relief after they knew and I was the same as you trying to keep it quiet to reduce the pressure but I got so much support and empathy from them and everyone agreed taking time off was best especially trying to work doing it the first time. So in the end I am glad they know. Hope it all works out for you. Really my advice is, if you are able to as I know not everyone gets paid for being off. Put yourself first. Work will always be there waiting for you. Good luck 🤞🏻

@IVFing86 hi, I've also started this process for the first time. I am of the same view as @IVFitis. I wasn't comfortable letting people know about me going through IVF as well. Work was getting so busy and stressful, and this was and still is the last thing that I wanted. I felt that it was in my control (to a degree) to minimise work related stress as i cannot control my anxiety about this whole process. I decided to tell my immediate colleagues and my manager. This has been the best thing for me. I have told them how stressful the process is and that for my own sanity and to be able to cope in work I only allow myself to think about it at certain times. I discussed a plan with my immediate line manager in supervision on how they were going to support me. I don't take time off as i want to save it for the future. I work flexibly around my appointments using TOIL or making the time up. If i'm having an off day I email my line manager as per our agreed plan and if there are any meetings I can move around I do that with her support. I feel this has taken off the extra stress of worrying about how i'm performing at work. As women we sadly have a limited time to do this and i would say put yourself and family first, jobs come and go but I feel the more honest you are about what you are going through the more support you will get. Hope you work with people who are understanding and who will support you. Also remember that if you feel unwell during this process because of the treatement, you are 'sick' and i would not use annual leave days for that but i would use sick leave days. I know different companies have different policies. Sadly, there are no statutory requirements for IVF policies, you only start getting the protection once you are pregnant - hopefully that's soon for all of us. Best wishes and please try not to stress. My IVF clinic offers counselling. i found it helpful to talk to someone about these anxious thoughts and now it's just about doing the best i can for my self.

My work were great and kept it private though I did end up letting one or 2 people know as I have a relatively physical job and that became difficult. It was actually a relief having one or two people know as they were ready sympathetic and helpful the whole way through.

i managed to get most of my bloods super early meaning I didn’t always need time off. For collection, I had said I’d work through tablets and first week of stims but asked for 2nd week of stims off as I knew I’d be getting uncomfortable and would need time for transfer. I ended up having to cut the first week short and leave early on the Thursday and Friday as I literally couldn’t bend down (I had a lot of follicles!!!)
for transfer I only took the day of transfer off.

work need to respect your decision not to say anything and if there are any issues regarding time off, you can get a sick line for ivf if you aren’t able to work during it.