Infertility has destroyed me

[hippopotato]

Hello,

Really hoping for some positive stories/words of encouragement.

I'm meant to be in a 'happy' stage of my life - moving house in a few days to a lovely house and a couple of other nice things have happened recently. However, I cannot feel happy. I feel numb and destroyed because my infertility is at the front of my mind 24/7.

I literally can't be happy with anything. I haven't laughed for so long because everytime something funny does happen I'm so quickly catapulted back into my terror that I will never be able to conceive (I have bad endometriosis and a dodgy fallopian tube).

I'm so desperate for a new start at my new home and to look forward and be excited for it. But I'm just not because all I'm bloody thinking about is will I ever get pregnant :(
Purposely chose a house with a nursery room too and it just feels like a kick in the face.

Can anybody help in any way? I just want to feel somewhat happy 😭 please

I know how you feel, my husband and I are renting as we live in an expensive city but we moved to have more space, paying loads more a month, thinking we'd have a baby within the year. 16 months later no baby, and one failed IVF cycle, but a frozen one coming up as we have 5 frosties :) in our case we have MFI, and so I can't give you a positive story from us, except to say that I am so much happier when we accepted something was wrong and worked hard and fast to get diagnosed and do something about it. Although we're doing IVF, we stopped thinking of making a baby as our lifes goal in the forefront of our mind (of course it is really but it wasn't helping us to be carrying that) and we found were nuch happier, enjoying each other, enjoying the seasons and our neighbourhood, and even enjoying the millions of friends and family that have got pregnant by just glancing once at their partners penis 😅 it was so hard back in Feb just before we found out about the MFI, I felt so numb to everything. Much happier now, and hope you will be too xx

Regarding your endometriosis, a friend of mine has it severely too and has had loads of surgery on her womb, and she concieved naturally and carried her healthy baby absolutely perfectly. Have you been trying a while?

I have nothing to help you OP, other than solidarity. We bought our home last January (with an extra room for a baby) and started TTC straight away. Nothing's happened since then. It's emotionally debilitating at times. Life just feels completely on hold for this baby who isn't appearing.

Sorry you feel like this. We bought a house with a large backyard thinking of the children as well but have had 2 MC instead.

As hard as it is I would put my focus on having children, make a plan, go to doctors, try different treatments, etc. Also start hobbies to get distracted.

To be happy or content is a mind state. I know it's really hard but you have to try hard not to fall into depression.

I totally understand and wish I had a positive story for you. My infertility is from being overweight but I eat 1000 calories a day and still struggling to lose. Wishing you all the best but I honestly can empathise with how heartbreaking this all is. Xx