FET sabotaged by partner

[Growyourownchocolate]

I know I ought to be grateful with 2 children and I am. But the thing is my second born was created by FET (donor eggs) in the Czech Rep. some 6 years ago and I’ve had 2 embryos left, which I desperately wanted to use for a third child. For the last 5 years, I’ve tried repeatedly to get back for another FET, but every single time my partner has sabotaged it or laid on a severe guilt trip so I’d cancel. It all feels so emotionally abusive!

And now it’s too late! This was my very last opportunity as I’m 49 in just a couple of weeks. Tried to get out on Wed (day 20 of cycle), but partner deliberately went into work leaving me with childcare so I couldn’t book my flight or get to the airport. He said he’d organised my travel route, but it was horrendously convoluted going via Vienna…I then discovered that there was a flight to Brno with lay overs, a much easier option. I contacted clinic and asked about my success rate with a day 22 transfer and they couldn’t state either way! But nevertheless, I tried again to travel, but massive complications with sodding UK trains and layovers. My only option was to fly at 6 this morning but that meant driving during the night to reach the airport….again no help with map, booking car into airport car park. So here I am, out of time, and words cannot describe my profound devastation and grief. My eldest child is also devastated. Partner is cheery and acting fucking victorious! All I feel for him is hatred, I no longer love him, and bitterly resent him. I’ve imagined the third child since 2016 and now I feel like my life is irreparably damaged and not least since, they had the same biological male donor as my DC. I’m heartbroken and can’t see how I can move forward.

but every single time my partner has sabotaged it or laid on a severe guilt trip so I’d cancel. It all feels so emotionally abusive!

Where there is a will there’s a way Op. He sounds like a twat but he didn’t have you in a head lock. This was your embryo.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear, but I wouldn't bring another child into a relationship like this, not at the age of nearly 50.

Erm so a few things

He's not a twat as someone else so eloquently put - he has every right not to want a child. Might be "your" embryos but are you married? In which case he would be the legal father with all the financial responsibilities that comes with that.

Have you actually asked him if he wants to parent another child?? Who pays for the ones you have now? If it's largely him then you are hardly in a position to be dictating that you have another one

And having a child at 50....presumably he's also a similar age? It's incredibly selfish to "force" a child on him at that age

Incidentally how does your eldest feel about being the child of double donors?

Get yourself some standards @despairingdonut (And read the OP properly!).

Absolutely he can say he does not want any more children but TELL the Op this rather than slow her to make arrangements and then pull out a last minute. Twatty behaviour.

and when your partner is devastated about something, you think it’s not twatty to clearly “fucking victorious”?

as I say - perhaps you need to look at what your “twat” standards are because atm - your standards are in the gutter @despairingdonut

in my view the OP sounds very half arsed about it all and now the option has been taken away from her - she’s upset. Op you “allowed him to arrange travel for you but it was horrendously convoluted”? Oh come on!

OP, I am so sorry to read your story. I think you've had some brutal responses here and I don't understand why.
Some of you posters need to have a word with yourself, kicking a person and blaming them for awful treatment by their partner when they're clearly upset and grieving.

This sounds to me more than a bit abusive, OP. Is your DH like this in other aspects of your life too? He clearly didn't want you to go ahead with treatment. Did you ever discuss it properly?

It sounds like whatever has gone before, you need to LtB. It sounds like something you'd never be able to forgive him for. I hope you're able to take the time to process everything and grieve as you need to, and then have a long and happy life with your kids away from someone who is capable of such cruelty.