Please or to access all these features

Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

Debt from infertility treatment

6 replies

An0ther · 01/08/2022 03:26

So it took me a long time to find my husband I’m an older lady that is now expecting. My husband was in a very abusive relationship and had a vesectomy after abusing parter insistence plus my step sons emotional and physical abuse at the hands of this person.
we have paid for all of our treatments, I have never had a baby previously and wanted to have a child. We now because of no help from nhs apart from initial tests are in some significant debt from fertility despite help from family. If we had not had to spend the money privately we would be in a much better position financially to support our baby on the way. Instead I find myself phoning debt charities to ask for help to buy baby stuff.
I can not help feel upset that I feel that I’m being punished for waiting to become a mother and also envious that others have the opportunity to have three rounds of ivf and even though I hadnt given birth. I love my stepson like my own and feel guilty for wanting to give birth. I met him when he was a teenager and would of loved to have met him sooner so I could of helped him with life and his trauma from his birth mother. He was conflicted by his love for his mum and the hatred because of what she did to him throughout his early years of life. He was always worried about his brothers and sisters that were still with her.
I am now looking into financial help due to bill of infertility but find there is none for our situation.

OP posts:
Blacksheep33 · 01/08/2022 21:41

Infertility is so unfair and it’s hard not to feel bitter when so many people are able to have a child easily, with no stress and no debt! I always say to my husband I just cannot imagine what it must be like to just choose to have a baby without all the heartache and wondering if it will happen, not when.

Very many congratulations on your pregnancy, it’s wonderful to hear a story with a happy outcome, despite the financial struggles. I know it’s easier said than done, but a child will last you a lifetime but the debt won’t - it will all be worth it in the end

if you send me a private message with your address I would be very happy to send a gift for your baby! :-)

PMAmostofthetime · 02/08/2022 08:06

@An0ther infertility is so unfair- in Wlaes you can both have DSC but no child together and still quality and I believe this is how it should be.

I'd go to citizens advice and see if they can help consolidate the debt into more affordable payments with the least interest. There are also grants etc that you can get. Just remember your baby won't remember what they wore only that they were loved and wanted very much x

An0ther · 06/08/2022 19:55

Thankyou for the kind offer.
We have consulted s debt advisor at cab and come to the conclusion we need to remortgage. We are going to consult with step change in this. I feel better about the situation but still not happy that I’ve waited so long to be a mum and can not experience it all whilst being part time as I’m also disabled. Husband works from home and has said he will look after child on the main whilst working. This is worrisome. I’m sure once we talk to advisor. The first advisor was talking about bankruptcy!!! And every other thing like Iva etc I don’t think that’s where we are at and it sounded like she was reading from a sheet. Thankyou again

OP posts:
Nik2879 · 12/09/2022 19:47

Can I ask how you got on with it all. We have about £9000 of debt and can’t see a way to clear it.

warrior101 · 13/09/2022 14:32

This is such an important point you raise. I wish more charities and organisations such as mums net would campaign for free unlimited access to fertility treatment Via the nhs. It would lead to less hocus pocus care as well.

The emotional and mental health cost of infertility is so high, I wish society would realise that unlimited access to IVF via the NHS is in everyones interest. People will know themselves when enough is enough.

toooldtodate · 16/09/2022 22:44

@warrior101

I'm sorry I don't agree. By her own admission the OPs partner had a vasectomy and she is also older. Unfortunately that's the risk we take when we knowingly wait until we are older to TTC - why should the NHS be there when we've stopped travelling / jumping between partners / wanting to eat out and have lie ins / build a career etc. there is a difference between infertility by choice and that which is not by choice (ie cancer or endo etc)

New posts on this thread. Refresh page