Telling your boss about IVF

[nizo1245]

So excited to have finally reached the front of the waiting list, but I'm having a little panic about whether to tell my boss or not.

I think it would be easier - short notice appointments and having to do injections at the same time every day is definitely going to get in the way of work, so if I don't tell them it'll be a bit awkward.

BUT

I started a new job a few months ago, and I've heard from various different people that nothing stays confidential here. Apparently the HR department are the worst for spreading confidential info....

If anyone has any input or advice on how they handled it, pros/cons etc. I'd love to hear from you.

Thanks!

[PMAmostofthetime]

@nizo1245 I checked and my work had an IVF policy which was great I told my one boss and that's it- it made it so much less hassle and stress free- your other option would be to take 2 weeks sick leave from the date of your first scan.

Good Luck

[PMAmostofthetime]

@nizo1245 I made it clear to my boss that no one else knew not even family. So she would know I knew where the leak came from of there was one.
This is my second cycle no one knows my colleagues as they are covering me at short notice I have told I have ladies problems.

No one asks anymore then x

[LosingHopeIVF]

At my previous job I was very open with my bosses about it, but I'd been there over 10 years so I felt I had a lot of equity.

I'm now under 6 months in a new role and haven't told anyone I'm having IVF, but have told my boss I'm having some medical treatment for a personal issue that I'd rather not discuss.

I said I'd be happy to provide any proof of appointments to HR, but that hasn't been necessary.

Not sure whether she suspects or not, but either way she's been incredibly supportive about me having awkwardly timed doctors appointments and taking time off at short notice. In return I work hard and always make up the time.

I potentially have a BFP now!! And am feeling nervous about telling her, but cross that bridge when I come to it...

[Agapanthus13]

@nizo1245 its a really tough one. I haven’t told my boss, I’ve worked there for over 10years and we not massive @ 50 ppl). I know them all really well but I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything as i know it wouldn’t stay confidential, and I didn’t feel I could deal with the added pressure of people knowing. We’ve now been having ivf for 2.5years and I’ve had a LOT of appointments over that time. I try to arrange my appointment first thing or lunch time but it’s not always possible and I do find myself stressing at how long I’m out of the office for- even though I always make it up. Xx

[Minamina]

If news spreads quickly at your new work, and it's very important to you that people don't find out , I suggest you have a very strict conversation with your boss and express the urgency of the matter (If you're willing to risk), if not keep it vague and explain that there will be some procedures... in all honesty they don't have to know what it is youre doing exactly

[amkw]

I'm in the same boat. I'm starting ICSI in September and I'm debating whether to tell my boss or not. I know they will be fine, but as you said...word does spread even unintentionally.

[nizo1245]

Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your responses and hearing your stories.

I'm leaning towards not telling them specifics. I'm sure people will speculate which will be annoying in itself, but hopefully I can minimise the risk of that with a good poker face and well rehearsed responses.

A year ago I'd have given anything to finally be at this stage, so just trying to look at the positives now and learn to ignore anything else, it's a work in progress.

[Minamina]

I think that's the best way to go! It honestly could be anything! Just be super vague about it
Good luck!
xx

[Luluspies]

just my personal opinion on this one, but I felt like the best way to get the right support is just be open and honest about it, you work may have a good IVF policy and also get clear on what your entitled to and also be firm with your company about the support you want this is a big thing to go through and you dont need anymore stress! in my opinion its harder to hide something like this and when I told people in work I got such lovely support from my colleagues it was really nice. Just do whats right for you, hope all goes well xxx

[nizo1245]

@Luluspies thanks for your input, that's really great to hear that they offered you such amazing support.
Sadly my employer doesn't have an IVF policy. There's just a general parental policy that covers maternity etc. but nothing about fertility treatment.

I'm not much of a 'peopley' person so support for me involves not talking about it with people. (I probably sound like a total psychopath, I swear I'm not...) The thought of someone I hardly know randomly asking me how the process is going is almost enough to derail my entire week.

We're not even telling family that we're going through this process as my husbands family are way over the top with pushy support. They mean well but can never take no for an answer or understand that we need our space when it comes to intimate personal/medical things, so having people at work talking about it would feel totally wrong.

Definitely planning to just keep it quiet and protect my privacy, especially as having to tell people if it didn't work would make me endlessly miserable.

Hope all is going/has gone well with your treatment!

[Luluspies]

@nizo1245 Ah I understand what you mean just make sure you have enough support I have also been a bit selective with people I have told for the same reasons when you tell people it ends up being the topic of all your conversations! I'm in the dreaded 2ww on my second attempt and slowly going mad 🤣 where are you upto?

[nizo1245]

@Luluspies I'm still waiting for my first appointment. It's at the beginning of September so not too long to go!
Egg collection and transfer are expected to be in November.
Good luck for the 2ww! Hope it's not dragging on too much!
I'm actually terrified about getting to that stage. I never test early because I don't want the disappointment, so the thought of actually taking a test is so nerve wracking!

[Luluspies]

Good luck, there is lots of waiting isn't there I'm surprised we don't go completely bonkers during the process! My last 2ww flew I just kind of carried on as normal we went away for a few days and I was sure it had worked and I didn't test early, then I had that whole stress of there's a faint line but I knew it wasn't going to work out then this time I've stayed home, stayed off work took the first week super easy and just pottered around and it's dragged but I feel like I've been more relaxed and tried absolutely everything I've read on the internet, acupuncture, reflexology, ate the pineapple core, the beetroots the Brazil nuts! If I ain't pregnant I'm still going to be fat I know that that much! 🤣🤣🤣

[nizo1245]

@Luluspies sorry for my slow response!
How did the 2ww go, have you found out yet?

[Luluspies]

@nizo1245 Hi, yes thanks I got a BFP on the 8th day actually thought it was all over the same night after a little bleed but had a BFP today which is test day and the line is very dark! So eating all those pineapples paid off! Hope your ok?

[nizo1245]

@Luluspies oh my god that's amazing, congratulations!
All good thanks, just counting down the days to the first appointment and focusing on fitness/healthy eating. I did skip my usual morning swim though, so groggy this morning for no reason.

[Luluspies]

@nizo1245 good idea I did the same this cycle I really focused on nutrition I still are a fair amount of chocolate but I kept working out right up until my transfer, also I tried acupuncture and reflexology this time and really focused on myself! Fingers crossed it will stay where it needs to be and keeps growing I'm so worried about everything! Good luck for your appointment if you need a chat or anything pop us a message x

[LongerthanMrTicklesarms]

I didn't tell work, I'm glad I didn't as I had so many failed rounds and just wouldn't have liked the additional pressure of telling them.
However do what works best for you.

@Luluspies congratulations, fingers crossed all goes well

[Luluspies]

@LongerthanMrTicklesarms Thank you, yes I know what you mean I did have a failed round and it was tough going in and saying it hadn't worked and some people couldn't understand why.

[Luluspies]

Worried sick had a bleed just like my period still tested positive and a strong line but fearing the worst any experience in this?

[nizo1245]

@Luluspies just seen this, hope everything is ok?

[Luluspies]

@nizo1245 I'm suspecting it may of been a chemical the clinic or GP wasn't helpful no one would test my HCG they just said you have to wait it out. Thanks for the reply xx

[nizo1245]

@Luluspies that's awful, fingers crossed for you! I've heard so many stories of people bleeding through pregnancies and everything being fine.
Hope you're going easy on yourself.

[Luluspies]

@nizo1245 I still tested positive today on the Digi test but I don't really trust it I just feel like something has changed only time will tell xx