I want to throw in the towel

[anonymouslyinfertile]

I've been TTC for 3 years now. In that time I have had the following:
2 miscarriages through trying naturally
tests showed up as unexplained
2 years where nothing happened
a diagnoses of highly active NK cells - we paid privately for these tests
went from having a regular cycle to an irregular cycle
diagnoses of PCOS
thousands spent on vitamins, acupuncture and lifestyle changes
1 round of IVF that worked but resulted in my 3rd miscarriage.

Not to mention watching friends fall pregnant easily and have beautiful babies and also watching fellow warriors eventually have their rainbows.

I'm completely miserable. I have made so many changes throughout the years and nothing works. Every month introduces a new problem. I've gone from being unexplained to having NK cells and PCOS. I feel like throwing in the towel and considering other options such as a life without children, fostering or adoption.

Hi @anonymouslyinfertile

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Its such an incredibly hard time.

With the exception of the PCOS diagnosis, your history is very similar to mine. I’ve just had an IVF transfer cancelled and feeling very low today too.

I don’t have much advice other than saying that fertility counselling has been really beneficial for me. It helps me to talk to someone independent who has a good knowledge of IVF/fertility. I’ve also decided to try and reintroduce some of the stuff that I did that I loved before TTC but which I cut back on. Playing sport, doing an intense gym class, prioritising holidays and having a drink when I want. I’m aware I can’t do these things all of the time but doing them occasionally makes me feel like I’m not sacrificing everything in my life for TTC/ivf.

Also, has your other half been fully investigated? We are doing more tests now on my partner to see whether some of our issues are due to MFI (which we were previously told wasn’t an issue for us).

Hi @anonymouslyinfertile , I’m sorry you’re going through this. After nearly 5 years TTC, 4 rounds of IVF and putting life pretty much on hold for most of that time, I’ve never been pregnant and I’m also miserable. The only thing keeping me going is the thought that if I give up now without absolutely exhausting all avenues, I’ll regret it in the future. If you feel like you’re at that point, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing a different life, whether that’s without children or fostering, adoption etc. But you shouldn’t see it as throwing the towel in, you should view it as a positive decision to move on with the next stage of your life. I’m not at that point yet, but fully expect to be soon, and when I am I hope I can look back and hand on heart say I gave it my best shot, make peace with it and make the best of whatever my life has in store. Good luck in whatever your future holds.

@CurlyJ21 Hi lovely,

Yes my other half has had 4 semen analysis and also had DNA fragmentation looked at - he is perfect which I'm happy about but also feel really guilty for because it is all on me for our fertility struggles.

@anonymouslyinfertile I’m so sorry for your incredibly tough time. I have also had an IVF miscarriage.

Were you put on steroids/treatment for the NK cells? If this is reassuring I have had two friends with this and they do have IVF babies following miscarriage, and after being treated properly, so if you were treated for this I would maybe get a second opinion you on the dosage etc?

There are three other things that I know have made the difference for other people - firstly to make sure your TSH level is kept under 2:5 - some clinics don’t seem to care about this as long as it’s under 4, but other countries do keep this down. Secondly have you had the antiphospholipid blood test? This flags up a blood clotting abnormality, if found it’s a simple case of being put on blood thinners. But if there is a problem here then ability to carry a pregnancy is compromised. Again - they tackle this in other countries as standard. Thirdly, and it is rare but some women have a genetic mutation which means they can’t absorb folic acid, you have to take methyl folate instead which is folate in its pure form.

I hope I haven’t added to your stress but all these things are easily treated - but I have found you have to push and push for tests. You can ask your GP as well if you’re lucky enough to have a helpful one.

I know how you feel and I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this but please keep going. Xx

@Berkshire22 yeah i was - when i was trying naturally it was Hydroxoquolorquine and intralipids if i fell pregnant and then when i did ivf it was Hydroxoquolorquine, fragmin injections, prednislone, omeprazole and intralipids before transfer and after if successful.

How do you get your TSH levels checked and at what point do you ask for them to be checked?

I've had antiphospholipid test and that was fine but i do take baby aspirin just incase anyways.

Ive also just had genetic tests done on me and my other half but I take methyl folate cos i prefer it in its pure form anyways xx

@anonymouslyinfertile great that you have done so many tests and taking the aspirin etc.

The thyroid test to see TSH level was done as part of the initial routine tests before IVF, so I’m sure yours would have been measured and obviously didn’t flag up as high. A consultant said to me that recent evidence has suggested that optimal TSH levels in terms of fertility should be less than 2.5. Levels higher than this could indicate ‘subclinical hypothyroidism’ and ‘overt hypothyroidism’ is associated with an increased incidence of miscarriage. But guidelines are still that under 4 is fine. I asked my GP for mine to be tested again and she was receptive - mine was repeatedly over 2.5 and she has put me on a simple drug to lower it. I think in the US and in IVF clinics abroad they pay more attention to this so I just thought it was worth mentioning.

i haven’t done the NK cell test, can I ask did you have a blood test or a biopsy? And was it very expensive?

It sounds like you have been doing a lot and it’s good news (I know it doesn’t feel good) that they have found something to treat - I’m really hopeful for you next time will work x

@Berkshire22 I'll have a look at my test results and see what my TSH levels came back as.

It was blood tests - they took 19 vials of bloods - tests and consultation cost £2300. That's not including the medication. I'd say over the course of a year I've probably spent about 6 - 8 thousand on medications and consultations. very expensive!

@anonymouslyinfertile thanks for the info, wow that is a lot. I don’t know about you but I feel there is something so wrong with this industry - but that’s not helpful to get angry about right now! I have seen a hypnotherapist to help reframe my subconscious to think positively, to move the body out of constant state of worry and stress - and it has helped. Really good luck x

I wouldn't worry too much, genuinely. Unless you're approaching your 40s and your fertility is declining for age-related reasons, TTC for three years is nothing in the grand scheme of things.

I was TTC for three years before I had my first DS, for two years before I had my second DS and am now undergoing IVF for a third DC.

You need to think positively. You can get pregnant naturally. This is a huge thing in terms of understanding your own fertility. However, you miscarry, which is usually due to chromosomal issues in the vast majority of cases. I'd strongly recommend considering PGS with IVF to check for obvious chromosomal abnormalities, if you haven't already.

PCOS is a common cause of fertility problems and that means your fertility is now explained. It's good for you that you know what is causing your infertility - it's easier to deal with than being completely baffled and spending money looking for obscure answers.

I would ignore the NK cell diagnosis UNLESS you have obvious immune symptoms. I am one of the few people I have ever read about who likely has genuine immunological infertility. I have a very rare disease that flares up repeatedly and which, at worst, has taken me off work for years. If you aren't someone who suffers life-altering, immune-related symptoms, such as joint pain, muscle pain, unexplained rashes, unexplained fevers, dry eyes and so on, I wouldn't bother with NKs at all. Likewise, if the various immune treatments don't improve your non-fertility-related health (i.e. you are visibly healthier suppressing your immune system), I wouldn't bother either.

just wanted to hop on hear and express how sorry I am that you're going through this.. Maybe it's time to take a break from treatment, take a step back and think about what you really want to do. I think taking a break would help me in this case. Nonetheless, I wish you clarity and strength
xx

How old are you?

I'd really consider genetic testing.

@Minamina Thank you. I'm on a break from it all at the moment and I feel much better already

@AliceAbsolum i'm 29 and we've just had karyotype testing done on my and my OH just waiting for results. unfortunately our fertility clinic do not do genetic testing on embryos.

At 29 maybe it's more of an immune issue then?

@anonymouslyinfertile so glad to hear you're feeling better. listen to your body and heart <3
wishing you all the best
xx