Accepting in-laws help for IVF

[clhsgirl]

Hi everyone,

I am looking to see if anyone has been in this situation and could share their experience. I am 34 years old, married to a wonderful man and we have been trying to conceive through home insemination for coming up to 3 years.

I have issues with my weight, I can lose it slowly with dieting but quickly put it back on. Currently my BMI is 34 so I'm not eligible for IVF on the NHS, my CCG also insist that I would need to have a BMI of 30 for six months before treatment which means that if I lost the weight overnight then we'd still be facing a wait of at least 10 months counting for rereferral.

My lovely in-laws want to pay for us to go private. We have a clinic picked out where I have had tests done but we are both very nervous about accepting this money. I have a good relationship with my in-laws but am frightened of jeopardising this. I also worry for my in-laws as they would be using some of my mil's retirement money.

Has anyone else done this? How did it work out for you?

From a purely financial perspective, you might not be successful with nhs treatment and end up having to move on to private anyway. So you might want to exhaust your free options first and save the money as a back up if needed.

Yes we have thought about this but we are worried about delaying due to my age and the worry that I may not be able to lose the weight and keep it off for so long if I do lose it.

@clhsgirl that’s a really difficult situation to be in. I’m not in the same situation regarding funding, but thought I’d reply to bump your thread.
Have you checked with your CCG as to what you’d be entitled to going through them? Ie some people get 3 cycles, others just 1, some are able to have an nhs cycle post private, others not.
I personally had 1nhs cycle and then have paid to go private since. My nhs cycle took 20months for a single transfer - admittedly this was for various reasons including the pandemic, and I’m sure others on here have had a much faster journey. I only made 2 embryos on only 1 survived the thaw. But in comparison, within 5months of private treatment I’ve had egg collection and 3 transfers plus a 4th planned this week (and made 6embryos). I was 34 when we started and 37 now, and generally fertility declines quite rapidly. On reflection we wished we’d gone private from the outset. The other thing i wished I’d know (and I strongly ensure your in laws understand) is that IVF isn’t a sure thing and it’s quite common to need more than 1 transfer for success. We’re now on an Access Fertility package. We’ve paid a set price and that gives us 2-cycles with unlimited frozen transfers (based on how many embryos you make). For us, it’s taken the stress away regarding costs. You have to pay it up front, but I think there’s another company which offers something similar but paid in instalments. I’d certainly recommend looking at the options, most of the clinics I was looking at partner with them for finance options and can give you an idea which package might be most suitable based on your stats.
wishing you all the best with your journey xx

We've had help from my dad, although it's not put him on any financial hardship. He's not rich but he's comfortable, whereas dh and I have average jobs. We'd have had to remortgage otherwise, which we would have done. Having said that, it's been 2 1/2 years of ivf (4 1/2 years ttc) 1 private surgery, 4 miscarriages and still no baby. I don't want to add it up but it's a ridiculous amount of money.

I don't want to be negative but it really is in your best interests to bring your BMI down and keep it down before starting ivf. It raises the odds of the ivf working, but also reduces miscarriage and pregnancy complications.

Good luck!

I'd definitely do the NHS options first. I lost a similar amount of weight before my frozen transfer (more the first time, to qualify for NHS funding. First time slimming world, second time low carb. I have always struggled, and it was tough, but worth it. My hormone levels changed so much when my weight reduced. I'm sure that helped both my transfers be successful.
Plus, the added pressure of it being my in-laws money would have been too stressful.
I'd do it under your own steam to start with, and if your NHS cycle isn't successful at least you have a private option to fall back on.

There's a good thread on here too - weight loss for IVF.

Hi, it depends on the relationship you have with your in laws.
Mine paid towards some unexpected costs several years ago.
Weirdly they bought it up in an email last year, suggesting my husband and I were ungrateful for their previous support.
My attitude now, is that money always comes with strings attached when given by family members; so me and my husband won't accept a penny from them now.
I think you should do everything you can to lose weight (and go for NHS funded cycle) as you will need to be a healthy weight to minimise your risks of complications during pregnancy.
good luck and keeping everything crossed for you. You've got this.
xxx