Fertility MOT - and abortion

[Tsort]

My partner and I are going into a private clinic for a fertility MOT with an aim to proceeding to IVF. Both mid 30’s.

Over 10 years ago, I had an abortion. I never think about it and have never told him.

• Do I have to disclose this to the clinic?
• Will they be able to tell?
• What are the possible ramifications of keeping schtum?

I don’t want to jeopardise my chances of conceiving, but it was a horrific time in my life and I honestly just don’t want to talk about it.

They will ask you if you have ever been pregnant in one of the first appointments. If you say yes, I'm assuming they will ask you how that ended.

I never have been. They want to know- to know what tests to do and understand what could have affected your fertility. You could say no- call them up and disclose after explaining your husband doesn't know. Or you could share with him x

I think you should probably tell the doctor, as if you have had a previous pregnancy, even one in a horrible situation, that might change how they decide to treat you.

But you definitely don’t have to disclose this in front of your partner. I think it would be a normal thing to ask for the doctor’s email address ‘in case you have any questions after the appointment’ and then send them an email explaining that this is a very private matter, as long as your partner doesn’t have access to your email or isn’t going to see your phone’s lock screen notifications and wouldn’t be able to read any replies. I communicate with my fertility doctor by email all the time about treatment.

As a doctor they should never share any information you have told them is highly sensitive with any of your family members.

Of course it’s always better to share as much as possible with a partner, but there are some things that hurt too much and some things that, if you don’t mention them early, can be so hard to say later. I think it’s understandable that you haven’t said anything. After a while it feel too late to
go back and start talking about secrets in the past.

I have heard of friends of friends who have been so worried about sharing things like this with their partners or have it come out that they never seek fertility advice and never had their chance to have a child. Don’t let this put you off. You’re already really brave to be starting this process and you are working towards the future you want.

Unfortunately abortions can and do affect long term fertility due to scarring/adhesions etc depending on whether it was a medical or surgical so it's probably something they ought to know as part of your overall history as to what may be causing your infertility

to be safe I would disclose it and ask it to be confidential. Your partner won't know. It's absolutely okay to want to keep this private, but be transparent with doctors for your own safety and well being.