How long do you keep going?

[Agapanthus13]

Just wondering whether this is something you’ve discussed with partners & have an idea in your head as to how many rounds / transfers you’re prepared to go through or whether you’ll keep going until one day you decide ‘that’s enough’? We’ve been having IVF for 2.5years, and admittedly it’s been dragged out due to Covid and our initial Nhs round being delayed, but I’m starting to wonder how long we should keep going. We’re only at the beginning of this conversation, so would love to hear from those who have thought about it more x

There isn't a 'should'. You do what works for you.
I found IVF emotionally and physically exhausting. We called it a day after 3 fresh & 2 frozen rounds (if irrc.). We knew when doing the last round that would be it afterwards. 18 months later we applied to adopt

I honestly don't know. We've had one round so far. Started in September last year, had a fresh transfer that resulted in a pregnancy but our daughter died at 26 weeks as we had to have a tfmr. Then a frozen transfer that we found out this week has failed. And that's it for round 1. Overall we've been trying for 4 years.
Right now, having seen and held our little girl, I would do anything and keep going as long as it takes to have another baby. And right now my husband feels the same. Before we lost her I'd have said I'd have tried until I was 38-40, I'm currently just about to turn 33. Now I think I'll go longer.
Eventually some of it will come down to money. We have 2 more NHS rounds left and we are going to start saving in case we need private rounds, once I return to work after mat leave.

I always said I'd keep going until I could honestly say I had no regrets and could wake up in the morning and be at peace - at first that was a certain amount of £ then it was time and then it was working through all the different protocols. I would say it wasn't until after my second ectopic and losing my last tube following an ivf transfer that I woke up one morning and realised it didn't consume me the way it used to. I could honestly say I'd given it all including nearly my life.

When we started IVF, I wanted an “exit strategy,” either a number of rounds, amount of time or amount of money. My husband said we’d know when to stop when the time came. After 4 rounds, I’m starting to agree with him. At the moment, I’m not ready to stop and I’d hate to look back and think we gave up too easily but also it’s starting to feel like IVF is just something we do, which I never wanted. Ultimately, it’s such a personal decision.

@Agapanthus13

We are relatively new to IVF-
We been TTC since 2016 but a mess up with the GP referring and Covid ment we didn't have our first round until March this year. Currently on second round.

I read that 3 transfers is optimum for chances.

So we discussed that if our NHS rounds didn't work we would have got 2 full cycles 2 Fet (but no Frosties last time so lost the one FET :(.
We would pay for 3 privately and then leave it there.
Whether we will stick to that I don't know.
X

I'm starting my first round next month, and I've found this to keep me up at night. If it doesn't work, how much more? Thank you all for sharing!
xx

Evening, @TeenDivided @Kitkat247 @shrugitoffonemoretime @4f99s1 @PMAmostofthetime @Minamina thank you all for sharing 💕. Apologies for not replying earlier, I found it really heartbreaking reading everyone’s reply, and needed some time to digest it. I’m so sorry to read what each of you have been through, I was crying on the train reading your story’s.

It’s so sad they we even have to think about these things, let along discuss it. I always felt I wanted to ‘make’ the decision to not have kids rather than ‘try all avenues’ and know we had no other option. I guess it’s my way of trying to gain some control over a situation which is out of my hands and feel like we chose our set up rather than missed out on another life. My only concern is that whilst that’s best for ‘the current me’ I’m worried that ‘future me’ will regret having not kept going and trying all option xx thinking of you all & hope you’re finding the strength the cope with your journey xx

I agree entirely. However, I'm so glad we have a safe space to talk about these things, with people who understand what you're going through.
wishing you all the best <3
xx

This time around I'm very clear that I'll go through the frozen sperm I have left (I'm single) and if it doesn't work I'll let it go. But I've had success with fertility treatment in the past so it's much easier to say, enough is enough.

If I hadn't been so lucky I would keep going until money ran out or until I was 45, which ever came first.

I feel like money and time are the most pivotal factors. Especially time! Yet it puts so much strain on our bodies and mental health 😔

We had money and time on our side but we stopped due to the emotional and physical toll.

I've always thought the only limitations will be finances and age, but after 3 failed transfers I am not that sure anymore. I am slowly starting to lose the will and the hope to try again. So far IVF has brought us nothing but more pain, so I am not willing to ignore the psychological aspect of it.

true! i just meant that they're the only factors that make you stop/ you don't have a choice. but emotional pain and hardship is just as important of a reason to stop/ maybe even more so. I wish this was so much simpler. wishing you all clarity and strength during this time.
xx