How do you deal with other peoples pregnancies whilst ttc?

[Essexgalttc]

I’m not sure if this is the best place to ask so please let me know if this needs moving

How do you mentally deal with friends / families pregnancies whilst you’re going through a difficult journey? I feel so overwhelmed. Just had my 3rd friend in a couple of weeks tell me they’re expecting

I am able to be happy for them of course, but I die a little inside and feel pressure on myself

I feel your pain. I had 3 pregnancy announcements in 5 dags recently, one rather insensitively.

I've completely pulled back from certain people. This includes being very selective of who I see, including my SIL who talks non stop about her DS and pregnancy. You have to protect yourself.

I've left WhatsApp groups and it's too painful seeing constant pics of babies. My friends and family that care about me understand. Others who don't, then they obviously don't care.

I found dealing with pregnancy announcements one of the hardest parts of our journey. It's so triggering.

My big advise is to put yourself first. They won't stop talking about their pregnancies or babies so you need to think how you can best manage that situation.

Lots of love x

I'd tell myself that no one gets pregnant to deliberately hurt someone else. A lot of people aren't open about their struggles and losses so you may never know if the pregnancy they are joyfully announcing is a long fought for one or if they are the annoying type who only have to look at their husbands and they get pregnant with triplets. I'd never begrudge someone the happiness I'd so desperately longed for too. It was bloody hard of course it was and not going to lie I'd often go home and have a cry x

I found it most difficult to deal with people that knew about my struggles and still weren't sensitive in engagements.

@Conundrum12345 It really is hard isn’t it. We lost twins at 9 weeks pregnant and I feel like ever since then it’s been pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement. The future is so scary to think about sometimes x

I'm so sorry.

We also had 2 MCs. One at 9.5 weeks and the other at 5. Just finished first egg retrieval too. I can pin point particular low points around things people said and did.

So hard to be going through all this when all our family and friends have kids or pregnant. I've retreated a lot but I've felt it's the best thing for me for now.

I find therapy helps. My therapist said if things trigger your pain why would you be around it. You're at you're most lowest and vulnerable with fertility issues so it's ok to put yourself #1. X

@Conundrum12345 Yes definitely agree to put yourself first
It is hard when everyone is announcing pregnancies or trying for baby number 2 whilst I feel like we’re in the same spot we have been in for a while
i go to therapy every 2 weeks for pregnancy loss and ttc, and I find that does help me xx

It's really hard. We had quite a few friends conceive and give birth in the time we were TTC and they all hurt. Allowing yourself to hurt is important. Everyone is individual but I personally found seeing those who were pregnant in person helped. I started off avoiding them but found I became so bitter and upset, I was worried it would ruin our friendship. Seeing them regularly wasn't actually as bad as I thought it would be, and helped me remember why we were friends! Most importantly, just do what's right for you.

I try to remember how much I want it and imagine how happy they are feeling. I smile and congratulate them and then cry when I'm alone.

I am really happy for them and I have not told anyone we are doing IVF so I think it's easier to hide my emotions.
The most recent one is due the same time ours would have been if my last cycle worked. I mourned the loss of sharing the journey together and our children growing up together-Now I am able to be happy for them and look forward to a new arrival in my life even if it's not mine. May feel differently if this cycle doesn't work as there is still hope out r children could grow up together x

OP I found the pregnancy announcements unbearable a few years ago. One of my closest friends had her fourth child and I felt so resentful. We had both had issues conceiving but mine just continued forever. As soon as she got pregnant she forgot any issues she’d had or that I was still in it and tried to dominate the group we were in with constant baby chat. I guess sometimes people say to remember just because one person has a child doesn’t mean you can’t have yours. So whatever others are doing doesn’t ‘stop’ us achieving our goal. Another thing that helped me a lot was to mute and leave any social media channels where the focus was on talking about their babies. Sometimes you just can’t hear it and that’s okay.

My best friend just had a baby and I loved seeing her with him. I felt completely different. I think that’s because she’s been sensitive and thoughtful throughout my infertility/IVF journey but also I’m in a better place.

So I would say give yourself time to hide from groups and choose the friends that you want to be around carefully. That’s just what worked for me. Sending support on this very difficult journey x

I've seen so many threads refer to this. It's such a hard thing to hear. I used to feel so hurt and even angry. Kind of why them, not me? I've worked a lot on it in therapy. Honestly it has been the best thing for me. Training yourself to change the way you think so that you feel differently. I suggest it. hope this helps
xx