Maxed out thread continued all things IVF/FET

[Bluemeadowbaby]

@2mumlife @Verbena87 @Leezo @Francesmalin I think we maxed out the last one as I can't reply!

@Leezo @Verbena87 how are you doing? X

Hey @Francesmalin - doing ok here though I am still struggling with grief from our failed goes/end of the line situation. Little one is 5 (FIVE!) soon and starting school this week and it’s hard - especially having had a traumatic birth I think the usual birth-day-anniversary trauma-stir-up is intensified by knowing I won’t get a chance to have a different experience of birth now.

We have an appointment with genetic counsellor to discuss risks of trying naturally. Keeping an open mind but want to puke whenever I think about making decisions that major, so am perhaps not ready to make that kind of decision yet - and so yes, definitely feel you on the impossibility of deciding to keep trying or choose to stop permanently. It’s difficult because it isn’t a free choice, the options are limited by circumstances we wouldn’t choose, and that feels really unfair I think.

in other news I am mainly dithering over fireplace tiles (anyone used reclaimed quarry tiles? I’ve tried to love the new porcelain samples we’ve ordered but I just don’t…) and burying my head in the sand about going back to work after the summer break.

Waving and sending hugs to @Bluemeadowbaby , and to @2mumlife (please do update - hope all is going beautifully for you!)

@Francesmalin Lovely to hear from you! I'm sorry you've been finding things quite triggering. Hope you're ok and leaning on each other for support. Hope you have found somewhere wonderful to move to that can feel like a fresh start x

@Verbena87 Big milestone for your little one! Its such a shame though to hear the birthday is tainted by traumatic experience. I don't know if there is a way you can do some work around that to help emotionally reduce those feelings for the future so you can enjoy the day more? It must be an incredibly hard decision to try naturally knowing there are potential risks. Hopefully the genetic counsellor helps with that decision making process for you x

@Bluemeadowbaby Have you moved now? I've been enjoying trying to relax last couple of days as I've finally finished work (actually technically on annual leave, not starting mat leave until NHS due date next Monday). So I'm 39 weeks now so hopefully not long to go! I've been sticking to my guns and waiting for a spontaneous labourm to hopefully happen (though have a consultant apointment tomorrow to be offered sweep/induction again and discuss having extra scans if I go past due date). It still feels really surreal. I actually still can't imagine giving birth or having a baby yet, so I feel like I'm living in a bit of a twilight zone, where everything is ready, and I'm crotcheting baby bits, but I still can't trust/beleive it will happen, and the anxiety has kicked in that something is going to go wrong now at the end.

@2mumlife not yet...3rd times a charm right? 😄🙈 I totally get that twilight feeling...I remember when my boy was born and I was really confused and it felt so strange, so really but still so surreal even to this day and he's almost 2.5 🥰 embrace it all, even the anxiety part...just go with how your body's feeling every day. Almost there 💕 x

Ah thanks @2mumlife - have had multiple rounds of different counselling either directly addressing or touching on the birth/postnatal stuff and mostly I’m fine, I think it’s just one of those things and am not seeking to eradicate the tricky feelings if that makes sense? Just think it’s harder this year as that forward-looking hope element is gone so am having to adjust.

lovely you have time to crochet! Are you planning to breastfeed? Once we got little one’s latch sorted and both knew what we were doing I found cluster feeding was a great time to knit round my little snuffly bundle so you may find you can keep it up til baby gets to the mouth-full-of-boob-one-hand-up-your-nose-toes-wriggling-in-your-armpit-singing-and-giggling-oh-god-this-is-like-wrestling-an-octopus stage 🤣. I was still astonished about the actual baby even when he was finally in my arms, it just seems so incredible! I went to 42 weeks before inducing and actually the induction was so much better than I feared (trauma was later and due to shoulder dystocia/tricky positioning of huuuuge baby) - was able to be really active and in and out of shower/bath, and to drink tea and eat. So don’t panic if you end up choosing to induce.

Hello!

Yes definitively we are helping each other a lot but there is an underlying sadness that tends not to go away. We are tying to be happy and do things but still upset for this situation especially when everyone around us is having children. We have found a new place and we are definitively seeing it as a fresh start and very excited to move there. Our neighbor is a nightmare so it will do us good not to be there.

In a few months I will also move to the new hospital for the NHS cycle. Hopefully the genetic study I've done reveals that I don't have a genetic problem and might end up with a good egg with this stimulation. I want to be positive! You hear a lot of stories of people that can't have children and then when it's least expected they get pregnant naturally!

Have a lovely week end and @2mumlife let us know when the baby arrives!!! :)

@Bluemeadowbaby Thanks lovely. I'm glad I kept working right up until the end. This waiting bit is getting old real fast...there is only so much binge watching Greys Anatomy a woman can do! Keeping everything crossed this time the purchase goes through smoothly x

@Verbena87 I'm really impressed you managed to knit and breastfeed at the same time! I'll need to give this a go with crotchet. Hoping to breastfeed but I've got crappy flat/inverted nipples so know it might be more challenging with latch and things. I've been hand expressing some colostrum in case we have some issues. I'm going to just see how things go - if nothing has happened by the 15th (which will be 41 weeks by my IVF dates, and 41+3 by NHS dates) then I might start discussing options with consultant at appointment that day. Just hoping it doesn't come to that to be honest.

@Francesmalin Thats great you can get yourself moved to a nicer situation hopefully, and that you can have a fresh start with a different hospital. Hopefully as you say something might happen when you least expect it!

@2mumlife yes the waiting sounds really does get old, sending “hurry up baby 2mum” thoughts your way! I think if you’re able to express colostrum that’s a really good sign. Have a look at the ‘hamburger hold’ for breastfeeding - I bet that’ll give baby enough of a nipple to latch. I was in for a couple of days post delivery and found midwife support during feeds really helpful. They also had an amazing breastfeeding support worker who saved me on the ward at 3am! Ask and ask for help with latch, there’s some great expertise once you find the right person.

@Verbena87 Thank you :) I've already made connections with the local breastfeeding support network and did an antenatal class with them on getting off to best start with BF. Luckily they have just had their volunteers return to the hospital ward post covid (I think they are there every morning) which will be fab as they obviously have more time/patience to sit with you than general staff. I don't think my hospital has a dedicated breastfeeding support worker

@2mumlife this is all so very exciting! I definitely second the breastfeeding support. I was really frustrated when I had my boy as there was no support due to covid however he latched beautifully, I just didn't produce enough for him in the first 12 hours - not sure if it's because I had a section - but after 12 hours with not much of a break in the hospital the midwife suggested formula. I gave him it and he was so settled afterwards but when my milk eventually came in the urge to feed him was unreal and I was really sad I didn't continue but again there was no support in my area. If I was to do it again I'd push to stay in until I was fully ready to go home but again, covid had me shipped out the next morning and it was very hard. But having said that, fed is best and you do what you feel works for you both, either way the experience is something like no other 💕 x

@Bluemeadowbaby I've heard the support from hospital midwives can be really hit or miss depending on the exerience and knowledge of the person you happen to get. Its a shame you didn't receive more support to continue your BF journey.

Had my first 'overdue' scan today - fluid levels, placenta function and baby all look totally fine and baby is in a great position so just waiting really. Been finding some good resources to have strengthen my resolve to wait for spontaneous labour - thank god for all that patience I've developed doing IVF huh?

@2mumlife ahh this is all so very exciting & everything will be so worth the wait! I'm excited to hear when baby's made their safe arrival and wishing you all the best - it really is the most surreal amazing thing in the whole world x

@Bluemeadowbaby I’m so sorry you didn’t get the right support with feeding. It makes such a difference and it should just be a given, not a blooming lottery as to whose shift it is or what postcode you’re in. Makes me furious actually.

@2mumlife that all sounds great, fingers crossed little one will decide to make their exit before too much longer. Can confirm that if they’re not ready then no amount of stairs/pineapple/birthing ball/sex/curry/long walks will shift ‘em, so you might as well just try and relax as best you can. Thinking of you!

@Verbena87 hahah yes I'm noticing none of the old wives tales work to try to get things going. Really don't want to do down the induction route but feeling like its just not going to happen on its own this morning

@2mumlife I have been thinking of you and hoping things are going your way 🤞🏼 x

@Verbena87 I totally agree, I felt so robbed of it all but if it ever were to happen again I'd definitely push more x

@2mumlife keep consciously interrogating the implied stuff in hypnobirthing about physiological labour being somehow superior. I think there’s an unspoken ethos in the teaching that suggests anything else is some kind of personal failure rather than just a normal situation that is way less likely to turn us into perinatal mortality statistics because it’s not 1850, thank goodness. I dunno. I know it really didn’t help me, and I know that my induction was way less medicalised than I’d been led to fear, and that statistics (eg immidiate skin-to-skin promotes successful breastfeeding) don’t actually predict individual situations (he was put on my chest for 2 seconds then whizzed to resus and then he was on his own in NICU for the first 3 hours and guess what? Fantastic, painless breastfeeding for 3 years, no formula needed, didn’t even drop below birth weight in the early weeks).

Getting off my birth soapbox now, sorry. And hope you’re not reading this because you’re busy having a baby. Xx

Hi everyone. Quick update from here - after a bloody show around 5:30pm last night, I went into early stages of labour a few hours later at home. TENS machine kept us going until this morning when we came onto the ward already 7-8cm dilated and enjoyed the birth pool until fully dilated. Unfortunately though baby had some mild meconium, changed into a non-idea position for pushing stage and I was getting tired, so we had an assisted forceps delivery in the end with a spinal anaesthetic. Like you say though @Verbena87 way more positive experience at the end than I’d imagined though I’m really pleased with experience of spontaneous labour too but greatful for the assistance at the end. Turns out we were expecting a (not so little) girl! Born at 5pm exactly she’s weighing 8lbs 7oz with a big head (they had to try 3 hats to get one to fit!) and very long. Still a bit in disbelief (had to get partner to confirm she really did come out of me in theatre!). She’s not latching yet but taking hand expressed colostrum from a syringe, so hoping she gets the hang of it tomorrow once we’ve both rested!

Oh the most massive congratulations to all 3 of you! Welcome to the world baby 2mum. Getting some colostrum in is great however it happens, especially when you’re knackered and recovering from the spinal and you just birthed a whole actual human for goodness sake, well done.

Shout any time if you want to talk recovery, it sounds like there might be some overlap with our delivery experiences.

And hope tonight involves some rest, even if you’re too busy staring at your little one making sure she’s remembered how to breathe to actually sleep. Xxx

Ahhhhh! @2mumlife the biggest congratulations are most certainly in order!! How are you feeling? Everything is such a whirlwind isn't it but just remember you're doing absolutely amazing and you bloody did it! Both of you 💕 welcome to the world little one - I remember the hat situation with a bigger baby 🙈 hope she's doing well and you all enjoy your baby bubble together. Always here for a chat anything baby or anything in between x

@2mumlife how are you all settling in x

@Bluemeadowbaby @Verbena87 apparently my brain is completely addled as I was coming on to say we’d had our baby but apparently I already told you! Safe to say sleep deprivation is hitting us hard. Things are ok, breastfeeding hasn’t gone to plan and we’re having to top up with formula. Keep thinking my hormones are setting but then had a wee cry on the sofa earlier as got message from fertility clinic about storage fee for our remaining embryos and it just hit me what a journey it’s been and how lucky we are to have her in our arms. How are you both?

Sending you hugs, the weeping is a pretty normal response to the lack of sleep and there’s also the fact that joy and gratitude don’t cancel out the trauma of the journey - it’s just all true at once in a vast incompatible swirling mass of intensity that’s fine some days and knackering others. Keep an eye on yourselves - my new mum mantras were “everyone fed and nobody dead” and “take any and all help offered”. Thinking fondly of all 3 of you.

@2mumlife I second what @Verbena87 says right here! I weeped over so many things in the first couple of weeks. For me personally it carried on a lot longer and I felt like a looney but I did get the support for it. You've been through so much, all 3 of you, to get to where you are today. Embrace how you're feeling and know it is totally okay to feel every single part of joy, overwhelmingness, sadness, frustration and a general feeling of being so floaty from sleep deprivation you can't remember the last time you changed baby's butt!
With regards to the formula, that too is okay! So long as baby and you both are happy that is the most important thing.
Check in when you're ready, the days sometimes turns into weeks and before you know it time has gone way fast!
Just know you're doing an amazing job!! Well done mamas x

@2mumlife how are you all doing x

@2mumlife congrats for the arrival of the baby! I was thinking of you and I came to the thread to message you and check if the baby was born! Somehow I missed the previous messages! So so happy for your and your other half.

How is the rest of you doing?