Buying/selling/moving house during fertility treatment

[thislittlebird]

Did you do it? Was it too much and in hindsight you regret it? Were you glad of the distraction? I know it’s really

It’s coming up to 3 years of infertility for us, I’m struggling with my life being on hold and staying in my job just for a maternity package I may never use. I’m wondering if we decide to move across the country would it be unnecessary stress (yes, probably) or if any of you did do it did you find it beneficial?

The logistics of ivf might be even more complicated if we move away, so I’m guessing I’ll be too anxious and stay put, but I can’t help think about it all.

Didn’t finish my first sentence! I know it’s really stressful was what I was likely going for.

I would go for it. I hate feeling like my life is on hold from TTC though so others might not agree. I didn't move during treatment but I moved away after my first round and now have to travel 3 hours to go back as there are not many clinics closer. It does make it harder to schedule but I just set off super early. It's such a pain to do anyway that the extra travelling doesn't make too much of a difference.

@thislittlebird hi, we’ve been doing IVF for 2.5years now and have moved during that time. We did already own the second property, so a little more straight forward I guess, but selling up and moving was the best thing we did. I can’t bare feeling like life is on hold, and ivf constantly gives me that feeling and I find whilst I’m usually a really fast decision making, it’s sooo much harder whilst having treatment. We’re currently looking to sell our current place and move again. We also put off getting a dog for years as we wanted kids first but now have a 6months old puppy. I don’t regret any of it and whilst we’ve not yet had success with ivf my worries feel much less than before as I’m not pinning everything on success.

do hope you find the right decision for you xxx

Thanks for replying @Agapanthus13 and @Longbin. It seems like a silly question but everything is on hold and has been for three years. I don’t want to have made zero life progress/change over 5 years.

@Longbin that feeling of everything being on hold is getting to be hard to deal with right now. I’ve been in the same job for four years nearly, I have stayed for the maternity benefits but I am not getting promotions I apply for internally (two haven’t worked out now) and I may never even need these benefits so it’s starting to eat away at me. We’re currently in London under Guys, our embryos will be used up from this round by autumn and then I don’t know whether to do another round with them or pick a closer clinic, or another London clinic and move the embryos later on. If we move it’ll be a long commute, it’s 6 hours away.

@Agapanthus13 yeah 2.5 years is a long time, we’re in year one of ivf and I think I’m going to have to make a call once we use up our embryos/we’re on the last one which should be autumn. I can’t face this stagnation for more years yet. I would normally be quick to say “I’m ready to move now” and then list places, but we’d be moving across the country with no jobs, we’d need to get new ones. I guess I’m worried I would end up more stressed from the move, wouldn’t have jobs sorted, and a house might take a while to find because stock is more scarce round there than here. Ideally the ivf would work and I could breathe for a bit, but there’s no guarantees it will.

@Agapanthus13 forgot to mention the dog. How have you found it? I want one, I’ve ummed and ahhhed about it for ages now and worry it’ll be too much of a burden or I’ll regret it or it wouldn’t get on with a baby if it worked. I don’t know whether to just do it or not. How has it been training the puppy? Have you been able to go away anywhere with them?

@thislittlebird we’ve absolutely loved having our pup. It’s certainly been hard work but extremely rewarding. We’ve done 3puppy courses which both he and we love (he loves learning) and we’ve done daily training. The first few weeks were a lot of work but it’s been more manageable since but I do think we have a particularly chilled pup who’s slept well since day one and generally listens and sleeps a lot. Re the IVF it has made things slightly less easy, ie I’ve had to go to all appointments alone and the one that my husband has had to come to we had to get care for him. We’ve not left him for more than 40mins at a time atm. It was also hard getting up to do night time/ early morning toilet time when I was exhausted from meds. We’re very lucky as we live near family who look after him regularly, at least one or two days a week, and kindly have him if we’re having weekend away etc (we agreed all this with them before we got him). Although I hate leaving him so we generally plan things around him. A lot of our local pubs, cafes & restaurants are dog friendly so he tends to come most places with us. I do worry about how things will be with a baby and think we’ll need to do an intense training period if we do have success with Ivf, but atm he is our ‘baby’ and he gets treated that way 🤣 We we’re looking for about 2years before getting him, and went to see some breeders / litters first, the first few didn’t feel right and the breeder we settled on in the end let us visit a few times before we finally committed. Ps house hunting has been a little more tricky as you can’t take them in with you so I’ve been viewing houses alone whilst my husband looks after him. Xxx

I totally relate to that fed up feeling of life being on-hold and for that reason would probably do it. As you say, it could also be a good distraction.

We ended up moving at 6 months pregnant and honestly, preconception would have been soooo much better.

@Agapanthus13 did you have to take a lot of time off when he first arrived? I would have to find someone to help out, we don't have family round here. Good points on the house viewings and IVF.

@TwinkleInMyEye123 I think that's the thing, I think will it be worse in terms of stress with IVF + moving but maybe it'll be good to have a fresh start, and if the IVF does somehow work out it will be harder to do with a baby.

Hey, Yes we moved late last year amid IVF/ ICSI.
So glad I did as I felt at least one part of our life was moving forward. We have no regrets about the move. Yes it was stressful, but also a breath of fresh air compared to fertility related stuff.
We've been on this journey nearly 9 years... so thats a long time to be stuck in a rut!
Good luck
xxx

@hoping2021 thanks for your reply! I had another FET failure yesterday so I’m starting to think I might need to move for my sanity. It’ll give me something to focus on. My only fear is the cost of moving, hoping most of it can be added on to the mortgage, we need all the cash we have for the private ivf we’ll likely be heading into soon. It might nice to be in control of something for a change.

I’m glad you don’t regret your move, 9 years is a very long time to be doing this. xx

We’re into our sixth year of TTC our second and decided to start IVF for the first time. We’re moving this year too and relocate over the next week. I’m a little anxious but also looking forward to a change of scene and starting a new chapter. I only wish we’d decided to do both of these things sooner but we were always wondering “what if…”. I think I see now that moving isn’t having much of an impact on IVF. If anything it’s a good distraction from the juggling of appointments and gives me some focus away from the challenges of a fertility struggle.

Sorry for your loss and sending love and strength for the next steps 💛

@thislittlebird gosh I could have written this post myself about 6 months ago. We've been doing IVF for the past 2 years too in London, and all that time I stuck to the job I wasn't enjoying just for the maternity package. I hated being stuck in this whole 'but what if' and life not moving on, so I found myself a better job, ok the maternity pay isn't great but the other perks are much better and I don't regret it. I don't feel half as stressed and I'm actually really enjoying the flexibility of my new role (my old role was NHS and had zero work life balance/poor flexibility).

We are looking to move house too so I would say go for it, you can't put your life on hold! 

@trying2022 I guess it's nice to not be alone in these things! The benefit of this job is also the flexibility. it's VERY flexible. So I'm thinking I'm going to stay for now, and maybe sell the house in the autumn and move away from London (I'll worry about the job nearer the time). Maybe. I'm thinking our NHS round will be done then and we can crack on with private will the house is ongoing. Stressful, but I feel like I need to change something.