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Original poster

Dealing with pregnant family

2 replies

Conundrum12345 · 13/06/2022 10:38

My husbands brother and his wife are expecting #2. They didn't tell us until over 20 week scan and I'm really struggling with it.

We've had a number of miscarriages and about to start IVF. Our situation is very complex.

His family have very young kids and babies, we're the only ones without kids and it really hurts as everything is so focused on kids. We struggle to be around them and this latest pregnancy is just adding to it. We have really retreated from them as it's just so difficult.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Itishard · 13/06/2022 11:46

It's a really tough situation. My husband is one of seven and they all have kids of varying ages - every event is child focused inevitably. I found it very hard to spend time with them when we were going through IVF so I know how you feel. I'll never forget the day that we were told we couldn't conceive naturally, going out for dinner with them all and his youngest sister announcing she was pregnant. I was just so glad we had the dog in the car so I had an excuse to leave and walk him for a bit!

Unfortunately there's not much you can do. I may or may not help to share your situation - my husband wanted to, so did, but I found the questioning at events after that really tough and ended up having to say I didn't want to discuss it. But at least it was out in the open and apart from one sister who's pretty tactless ("oh I'm so tired, you're lucky you don't have kids and can have a lie in") everyone else took it into account.

My tactic was to retreat a bit, I only went to maybe one in four family occasions, I'm sure they all understood why because we had been open. You can keep in touch in other ways - make sure you remember birthdays etc so it's not seen as a falling out.

We were lucky and got pregnant on our second round of IVF so now we're able to introduce our baby to their cousins.

It's so hard though, so you have my sympathy.

Original poster
Conundrum12345 · 13/06/2022 11:54

Itishard · 13/06/2022 11:46

It's a really tough situation. My husband is one of seven and they all have kids of varying ages - every event is child focused inevitably. I found it very hard to spend time with them when we were going through IVF so I know how you feel. I'll never forget the day that we were told we couldn't conceive naturally, going out for dinner with them all and his youngest sister announcing she was pregnant. I was just so glad we had the dog in the car so I had an excuse to leave and walk him for a bit!

Unfortunately there's not much you can do. I may or may not help to share your situation - my husband wanted to, so did, but I found the questioning at events after that really tough and ended up having to say I didn't want to discuss it. But at least it was out in the open and apart from one sister who's pretty tactless ("oh I'm so tired, you're lucky you don't have kids and can have a lie in") everyone else took it into account.

My tactic was to retreat a bit, I only went to maybe one in four family occasions, I'm sure they all understood why because we had been open. You can keep in touch in other ways - make sure you remember birthdays etc so it's not seen as a falling out.

We were lucky and got pregnant on our second round of IVF so now we're able to introduce our baby to their cousins.

It's so hard though, so you have my sympathy.

They know what we're going through and we still go to the big occasions but it's increasingly difficult and I will cry for days after. Hubby is one of 4 and none of the 3 couples have experienced infertility so I'm nit sure they truly comprehend how difficult it is to be around pregnancy and baby talk.

I too was told I wouldn't be able to hold a natural pregnancy. Just hoping IVF works asi feel I will have something in common with them again :(

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