Second transfer approaching after the first failed

[thislittlebird]

Anyone else in a similar boat? After the first one failed I don’t feel very optimistic about the second FET and I feel guilty for feeling that way. Hard to shake the feeling that it won’t work for us and there’s something wrong with me. I didn’t have a fresh transfer so it all feels very slow going too, we did egg collection in February and transfer number 2 will be July.

@thislittlebird I've just started down reg injections for 2nd cycle, I didn't get any Frosties last cycle so starting again. I think the 2nd time around you know it can not work and thinking it will fail is us trying to protect ourselves from the hurt- but we all know it will hurt the same.

First time around I was just excited that I was getting to do this and also so naive thinking it always worked. Now I really want it to work but I know it might not. I think it's a normal reaction.

This is where I am, with my second FET tomorrow! The first was in May and failed. This is my last chance before having to cycle again, so I feel bad about that but better as this time I know what to expect from the process. I was so worried last time that I was going to do something wrong or that it was going to be horrible.

I feel a little better, having absorbed the idea that you can do everything absolutely perfectly and it still may not work out. It’s liberating in a way. I will still be so sad if it doesn’t work for a second time.

It’s a bit crazy but sometimes I just feel like this is like a video game and I just can’t seem to level up and get to the new and exciting locations and storylines ahead. No, I’m back to fighting the same boring level boss, over and over again, and then back to the beginning.

@PMAmostofthetime definitely trying to protect ourselves! It's so hard to get your hopes up and have them dashed yet again.

I think I went from excited to have the egg collection and then immediately crashed because I knew I had basically two months before the transfer. Now I'm feeling like that again , it's another month until we can transfer roughly. When do you think your collection will be?

@Iliada Hope your FET went well! My first was April and it should have been this month (sometime in the next few days) but we booked a holiday which cooked up the timing. My periods aren't until the end of the month which means I have another 4 weeks until transfer! Not loving the wait right now.

That's a perfect analogy tbh, that's exactly it. I'm at boring boss level YET AGAIN. I'm feeling crap today because I want to be in a position to sell out house but I never feel like we can, because jobs (we'd be moving across the country), because mat leave, because unknown if we'll ever have kids. It's very frustrating.

@thislittlebird Plan something in this waiting time that you'll enjoy. It helped me in the in-between cycles.
They have said EC around the 11th July depending on how I respond. I had some fluid on my ovaries last time so already increasing water intake and protein to get in the habit so I can try and prevent this again and the risk of OHSS.

@Iliada How are you feeling after FET? Hope the 2ww is not too brutal for you.

@PMAmostofthetime I just got back from a week away, actually, with the aim of filling sometime while we wait. At the time I booked I think I thought the timing would work out well, but in reality everything sped up with my cycles and now I still have a month roughly.

Are you doing long or short protocol this time? I ate lots of protein and water and did manage to fend off any OHSS which was great, I was convinced I'd get it because I have a lot of follicles/high AMH.

@thislittlebird I totally get it. I am currently preparing for an FET which will be my 8th transfer overall. Aside from one chemical (transfer 3), it's been BFN every time. I'm now 43 (started at 41) and am told my age/egg quality will be the issue. I didn't PGT as my blasts have come from 4 different ECs and I didn't batch, I transferred as I went. In retrospect I would've probably done things differently and batched collections then tested before any transfers. But hindsight is not much use!

I'd say that going into my first transfer and the transfer after my chemical, I felt more optimistic. The transfer after chemical that optimism was swiftly crushed as the 1st blast they thawed didn't survive. On the majority of transfers I have felt that 'this isn't going to work for me' way you describe. It's self preservation, because you've now had the disappointment when it doesn't work and experienced how crushing that is. I know people say you need to be hopeful and mindset is important, but acknowledging your fears doesn't mean you want it any less than someone who's upbeat and positive. I don't know about you but I'm doing this solo and it's a lot to deal with alone, but anyone doing IVF is strong to do it at all, we're all allowed wobbles along the way.

One thing I would say from (lots of) experience, is that when you've transferred and are in the TWW you'll almost certainly still do all the 'what if' thinking and still wonder if you have symptoms and still desperately want the BFP. You will be as invested as you were before. Which also means it's no easier if it doesn't work out, sadly.

Life can feel like it's in limbo when you're doing IVF - I've put off so many things like house moves and holidays. But when I get really frustrated I remind myself I could do all those other things, it's a choice to prioritise something else. I know that sounds incredibly simplistic but reminding myself it's a choice (even if one you never wanted to have to make) and not something being 'done to' me helps somehow.

@thislittlebird Long protocol this time currently on day 4 of down regulation Burserelin injections.

@lucymills1234 where are you in your cycle atm? Hope it goes well?

X

Hi @PMAmostofthetime thank you :) I'm on the May/June thread also - I think you are too? I've just started progesterone and transfer booked for next week.

How are you finding down reg?

@lucymills1234 I think I remember your name from a while back. The passage of time passing is horrible, isn't it? We started when I was 36, I'm now 39 and hate it. I feel like 40 is looming large, it's a horrible feeling to feel like time isn't on your side. What's your amh like? If you've done a number of transfers it sounds like you've got some embryos each time? I'm in two minds about PGT, I know it's not foolproof but I am worried about how long this all takes.

That's exactly it, I can't believe it'll work (even though i've only tried once, which is early days) and then I think maybe I'm part of the problem, which is stupid really, but it's how it is. How did you feel in the tww of the chemical? The same?

I hate that I know the whatifs will naturally creep back in, you can't help it. Hope springs eternal and all that.

I really want to move but I know moving will be mega stressful, I probably don't need the extra stress.

I didn't join the May/June thread because I'm a July FET. I received my progesterone today, I'm doing natural modified.