Dealing with grief over secondary infertility

[Lingrieving]

When I was 16, I had my daughter, when I turned 19 I started trying to conceive again, I'm 36 now, and haven't used any kind of pregnancy prevention since I turned 19.
My daughter is the love of my life, my blessing and what makes my world a better place by existing, and I always wanted a lot of children...
I could never imagine that she would be an only child, that I wouldn't be able to have more.

Today my grief is a sharp painful thing.
I have no one I can talk to, no one who understands how I can grieve my unborn children, when I have a living daughter.

For 17 years I've tried, tried the drugs, the diets, etc, I can't afford the hugely expensive treatments, I am not poor, but the IVF treatments/surrogacy are completely out of range.

How can I move on? How can I get over the grief, the feeling that there's a hole in my heart that will never be filled?

I wish I knew. I have no answers but I feel your pain. I had my first child at 28, she’s 9 now. We’ve been trying again since she turned 4 so for five years. We’ve had two IVF cycles in that time. The first - we got pregnant but it was a miscarriage.

i just went on holiday and DD kept saying how cute the babies and toddlers were at the mini-disco. It broke my heart. I know how amazing she would be with a little sibling. I know how much love she has to give. I wanted to see that interaction. I’m an only child myself and hated it, I was unimaginably lonely. I wanted so terribly much to give her a different childhood. Friends aren’t the same, they come and go. I wanted her to feel that level of comfort and support from a sibling that I never experienced...my Mum said I have a very idealistic view on siblings. I’m sure that’s true but still, it’s what I had in my heart.

I’m 37 now, we have one embryo left from the second IVF cycle. I’m scared to use it, in case it results in another miscarriage. We are holding of until September. I don’t know if the pain of years of infertility will ever go away. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever had do deal with.

Hugs to you. I’m so sorry we are both in this situation

Thank you so much for sharing.
I truly hope that you will have luck in your journey, and are blessed with another child.
I broke down on my SO shoulder earlier, it still surprises him, how much it hurts me.

I'm so sorry 💐
You don't mention if you've tried to find the cause. Simple investigations arranged by your GP for you and SO could give you the answer and it's not always IVF x

I have PCOS, my SO has no issues.
I follow all the PCOS recommendations, but my eggs just won't release untill they've turned into cysts and then pop.
We've tried the meds that Should work, and some that Might work, and so far absolutely no change😓
I've been told that I would have to use donor eggs, but again it's out of my price range.