Wanting an easier job during ivf - does anyone have experience of this?

[Ems123456789]

Hi everyone

I am wondering if anyone has any experience they could share with me.

I am currently entering my third year of trying to conceive. I have low ovarian reserve (I am 34) and I have had 2 failed attempts at ivf in January and March. I’ve also just been diagnosed with a missed ectopic following my last round of ivf. It was sitting in me for 7 weeks until it was found!! I am currently off work on sick leave to recover.

But this time to reflect has made me realise I am feeling exhausted from dealing with the fertility circus and trying to also work a busy and demanding job. I head up a marketing department in a fast growing business, managing 9 people and reporting into the founders. I think this time off is making me realise I can’t keep going at the pace I am trying to work super hard and also manage all the fertility problems on the side. My work have been supportive in physical time off for appointments but it’s more the mental toll I am struggling with. My days are crammed with meetings and I can tell I’m getting short on patience with people because I’m already stressed as it is. My partner is supportive of me carving out an easier option, perhaps a less stressful position with less responsibility and reduced hours whilst we continue to do ivf cycles.

I am terrified of speaking to my employer and I feel like a failure for needing to give up my position. I’ve built this department from scratch and I feel weak for admitting it’s too much for me right now.

does anyone have any experience doing similar?

thanks in advance

@Ems123456789 I completely understand where you are coming from. I have an incredibly stressful job and as so had to take time out of work. I have had 2 failed IVF cycles and I am 34 as well. For me, being off has also realised I cant have a stressful job and deal with infertility even if they have supported me with time off, its just all too much. I would recommend taking the max sick leave that you can as a first approach and if its not enough then speak to your boss on reducing your workload. But I completely understand the guilt of taking time off and not being able to cope, you are not alone so please dont feel guilty, we have alot to deal with as women and do not feel guilty for any of it.

Thank you @Lisabrown88 for such a kind message. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who feels like this. I am sorry to hear of your failed ivf cycles. It’s gruelling isn’t it.

You are right, we have a lot to deal with. My husband is incredibly supportive but as women we are the ones having all the treatments, drugs and wanting to carry a baby.

my work today have actually given me a week extra in compassionate leave and I breathed a sigh of relief that I would have a bit longer to get myself back together. I think I’m going to speak to HR when I do go back and just have an honest chat about how I’m feeling.

appreciate your reply on this thread.

@Ems123456789 Bless you, I’m so sorry to hear about your failed cycles but really think you’re on the right track with realising you’re stretched a bit thin.

I’m in a similar position, starting our first round in July and starting a new job in September. I’m terrified but what is keeping me sane is that even if I can’t cope and take a few years out, it’ll still all be there waiting for me when I go back.

I hope HR are supportive and I am very sure you’ll make the right decision. It’s all such a head f**k anyway, I definitely end up not being able to work out which way is up!

I felt like this too, and with most women going through this, feel something similar. Talk to your employer, taking time off to bring a sense of balance and take care of your body and mind, it should be nothing to be ashamed of x

Here to offer up my story. 5 years ago I quit my stressful job managing a department to get a low grade job in the civil service. Halved my salary instantly to increase my flexibility and peace of mind, in preparation for motherhood. I don't regret it even though money has been tight.
I'm working my way up and keeping an eye on my level of responsibility. I have a clear idea of my ceiling because I want an easier life. Just a thought, think of your priorities in life. Weigh them up and go for what is at the top of the list xx

Could you reduce your days down - go part time? Or would it be twice the stress in a shorter period? Could you job share? Could you take time out unpaid?