When do you give up trying

[Sarahjtan]

I am 42, I have been trying to conceive for over 14 years, across 2 marriages, no pregnancies and 2 rounds of unsuccessful ivf. All fertility tests have come back normal, I ovulate and have regular healthy periods.
at what stage do you stop trying, this is now starting to affect my mental health and feel it is all I think about.
it is hard to speak to anyone as all I seem to get back is Success stories of their friends or family which honestly is lovely but does not help me.
now when I speak to any professionals they obviously blame my age but I was 28 when I started trying. So frustrating nothing has been diagnosed can’t help but feel of I knew why it would help?
is anyone else in a similar position

Hi OP, I’m sorry to read how tough this journey has been for you. What a long, long time you’ve been doing this for-I salute you!

I’m far behind you, ttc nearly 3 years and on my tww on our second round of ivf. We have 4 embryos on ice. I’m 40 and my husband is 43. I can honestly say it’s been the most horrendous, gruelling journey-I’ve had (and still get) depression, anger, bitterness, sadness etc etc. I will say I’ve felt better this round as I knew what to expect and felt more in control-however I would not wish this on my worst enemy.

We have decided if this cycle doesn’t work that we’ll do one more fresh, then if needs be use our embryos then I’ve told my husband I think I’ll be done.
He’s keen to try donor eggs/surrogacy but I feel my physical and mental health has been compromised and I will need to say ‘enough’.

I think the trouble is with assisted fertility there’s so many rabbit holes we can jump down, that it can be hard to say stop for fear of not doing ‘just one more thing’. I feel I’ve given enough and I want to start living my life, planning things and booking holidays etc.

I really hope you make the decision that you are mostly happy with either way and I think you’ve done very, very well to go 14 years. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get on and enjoy who you are and enjoy your life xx

Hi OP 2 rounds isn't actually that many when it comes to IVF although appreciate it doesn't feel like that when you are going through it which is why the NHS recommends 3 cycles for the best chance of success. It took me 5 rounds in my mid 30s and I did them all in the space of 18 months. How long was it between your IVF cycles? It really depends on your financial situation but I'd be inclined to throw everything at it and do a 3 cycle package or similar? (I don't agree in the use of donors though so that does affect the advice I would give)

Hi @Sarahjtan , you've been through so much, I am so sorry.

I don't want to be annoying or anything, I just you to know that the clinic that I went ( the second one), specializes in helping older couples have a baby. I am 40yo and I was one of the youngest one there. They were the ones that helped the famous Jessica Rose case.

Now as for the support system, I know it can get too much for everyone to give you hope. As I said once to my mum "Hope is very cruel". Here you can talk to all of us Xxx Hugs & love xxx

I'm so sorry.
Are you completely unexplained? Have thorough investigations been done with both you and partner? X