Miscarriage after IVF

[RainbowLiverpool]

I’m hoping someone can help me.
I have never felt so low in my life. We have been ttc for 3 years now, a year and a half of this has been taken up by IVF during covid times.
In my first cycle we got 4 embryos but two disintegrated during thawing which was awful, the other two were failed transfers (I hate using the word failed but there you go).
Then we had to wait 7 months to do the next cycle and they stepped up all the hormones and amazingly we came out with 7 embryos.
I went in for the fresh transfer in Feb but was having lots of pain and it became clear on the day of transfer that I was very poorly with OHSS so my transfer was cancelled. Two months later I had a frozen transfer and to our surprise and delight I was pregnant.
I have never been pregnant before so this was the furthest we had got.
last Thursday I went for my first scan at nearly 8 weeks and bounced into the room all excited and the sonographer went very quiet in the ultrasound and I knew something was wrong.
There was no heartbeat.
This is classed as a missed miscarriage as fetus was measuring 2 weeks smaller than it should have been. Basically it stopped living two weeks ago and I didn’t know.
I am in so much emotional pain. I don’t know how to get through this.
I now have to get another scan on Wednesday and decide whether to let my body miscarry naturally, take a pessary to speed up process or have a surgical procedure to remove my nearly 6 week baby. I’m an absolute wreck.
Any positive thoughts or advice welcome please xxx

Hey

I am so sorry to hear this.

I am currently going through my 2 week wait and reading your post has just made me realise not to get too excited when a pregnancy test is positive.

IVF is so hard and cruel at the same time! Please don't give up!

I can relate @RainbowLiverpool . I had an MMC revealed at the 11 week scan (baby had died at 9 weeks) from our fresh transfer and then an early loss at 6 weeks from our first frozen transfer. I can only advise to take as long as you need to grieve (I was off work for 7 weeks with my MMC because it completely destroyed me emotionally) and to possibly consider talking to your clinics counsellor as a safe place to process your feelings (it helped me a bit, if only to have somewhere to vent). My clinic classes a miscarriage after IVF as an urgent counselling referral, so I was given an appointment very quickly once I asked.

Finally, don't give up hope 💚 I thought that after 2 transfers and 2 losses that we were never going to get our baby, but our third transfer is now nearly 5 months old (third time lucky for us 🍀). Hang in there.x

@BambiOnIce80 it is good to hear of success stories after difficult times. it really does help knowing other people have been through this.
IVF is brutal and I just don’t think anyone else understands the toll it takes.

Hope you get the positive result you want @anniz91 just take it one step at a time. Xx

@RainbowLiverpool Miscarriage after IVF is so heartbreaking just when you feel like you’ve done the hard part of getting pregnant then it is all snatched away. I also had a MMC which I think can be particularly mentally hard to deal with as there is no warning. The shock is just awful. I still don’t like to think about or talk about that scan. Baby loss is devastating & everyone’s grief is different so anything you feel now is normal. I found the first month hard in particular then after a few months I found it was a bit easier.

It is absolutely brutal @RainbowLiverpool and no one gets it at all except others who have experienced the same. I only talk about it IRL with a friend who also had an MMC via IVF because she's the only one who understands the agony and vice versa. The counsellor was a good stop gap though before my friend came into my life.

I'm the same about that scan @InvisibleDreamer . I try to never think about it because it never fails to make me break down. I've also found that all my future scans were hugely triggering for myself and DP. Throughout the entirety of my successful pregnancy I had to ask the sonographer to turn the screen off until they were sure there was a heartbeat. DP broke down sobbing after every single scan in relief (and I had a lot because DC was big). I swear it's a type of PTSD that'll never leave us.

Sending love and solidarity to you amazing ladies who have been through so much.x

I am sorry to hear about your loss, prayers to you x

I’m so sorry @RainbowLiverpool, I’ve been in exactly the same situation twice now. Like you, I bounced into the first scan, it didn’t even occur to me that anything could be wrong and the shock really knocks you sideways.

My advice would be first of all to give yourself the time you need away from work to recover. I felt guilty being off and didn’t do this and struggled afterwards because of it. Also as someone above has said, a good councillor can really help you to come to terms with the grief and everything you’ve been through. I don’t think other people can sometimes appreciate just how horrendous the grief is, certainly the worst I’ve ever felt in my life, but many people just have no idea and expect you to just carry on. Personally, I felt I’d just come out of a massive trauma after getting through IVF so to have this to deal with so soon afterwards is especially cruel and traumatic.

I hope the clinic have been looking after you and giving you good advice on next steps, I know it can all be so overwhelming trying to make these decisions.

sending lots of love

Thank you @IsabelHerna
@louloulemons you’re right it is a trauma. I can’t quite believe that I am here doing this and that I keep going. I can’t believe you have had to go through it twice. I’m so sorry.
it is absolutely heartbreaking… And so weird that everything goes on as normal around you when you feel like you’re dying inside. I am not the same person i was.
it was my bday yesterday and I managed to have quite a nice day in the end but today I am on a real downer. D&C booked tomorrow and I’m scared. I have booked the week off work after though and if all ok am going to Dorset for a few days holiday so that will help.
xx

Really sorry you had to go through this. Im coming to terms with a tfmr at 18 weeks 2 weeks ago. I still get flashbacks of that day. I was due to go back to work next week but requested an extension of another week on my sick note . I too felt guilty but im a school teacher and theyre coping without me plus with it coming to the end of the term its easier with activities etc. One minute i think I'm fine and the next I’m not. I have such a loving husband and ds but i feel guilty with how im overwhelmed with this grief but not appreciating them? If that makes sense. I know time will heal but Im already fearful of future transfers/pregnancies … i wont ‘relax’ or enjoy or even bond with my future pregnancy until everything is fine at the 20 week scan.