Secondary Infertility - Peoples Comments

[florafoxtrot]

We are so bloody fortunate to have our DD. Born after a stint of infertility and treatment. Been suffering secondary infertility for 2.5 years now, 3 failed IVF transfers down and I’ll admit I’m struggling. But what’s really getting to me is people attributing every single tantrum or niggle (or any other perceived behavioural issue) from DD to the fact that she’s an only child. This is coming from people that either know - or wold have good grounds to suspect - that she’s not an only child through choice. Perhaps she’s tired, or hungry? Or even just that she’s 3 and therefore fairly unreasonable. Why does it always have to come back to something that is really hurtful?

In my experience, you have to be very direct to the point of being cold. Lower your voice, look them in the eye, and say "this is not something we are willing to discuss" and let it hang in the air.

Just wanted to post some support. I understand how you feel and so sorry your IVF has not worked out yet. We’ve been trying for no2 for 18 months now and had two early miscarriages. My daughter is three next month and it doesn’t help she’s obsessed with babies, the pick up at preschool is a line of mum with babies in carriers/carseats and then me.
I find comments hard, with family and friends I found having told a few they are much more considerate but it is hard having it out in the open.

Thanks @Piper89. That’s exactly my scenario too, I’ve become almost weird at nursery drop off and pick up because literally every other parent has another child and I feel like I can’t relate to them. I’m really sorry you’re going through the same thing, it’s totally shit.

I had years of secondary infertility and in that time had 5 miscarriages, 2 ruptured ectopics lost both tubes and did 5 rounds of IVF. (I did eventually have success BTW) but I found I just couldn't be bothered to lie - if people made comments or asked I told them the truth. Didn't give a shit if it made them uncomfortable - maybe next time they'd think twice about asking