How to help a friend through failed IVF

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Hi all, my best friend has been going through fertility struggles for a number of years now and she just had her third round of failed IVF

She’s really at a place of feeling like (in her own words) “ I’ve gone through it all for nothing” “it will never happen” and “I have no hope”

I don’t know what to say or how to comfort her and it breaks my heart knowing she’s in such a dark place right now.

To make matters worse I’m currently pregnant
(she has known since before she started the most recent failed IVF)

She is the most lovely person and I know in her heart she is happy for me and wants nothing but good things but I also can imagine it must be really bloody difficult to be around me right now.

I feel like I want to let her know that I love her, support her and am here for her. I want her to know that I understand that she can be both happy for me and sad for the fact her journey is not an easy one at the same time.
I just don’t know the right words to say to her :(

Can anyone help with anything I can do for her please? Anything I could buy, like a book for example?
Anything I can do or not do / say or not say?

Thank you x

I’ve been in your friends shoes. When I had a close family member pregnant, and I’d had yet another miscarriage after IVF, I was devastated. Of course I was pleased for her but I couldn’t spend any time with her for a few months, didn’t want to hear much about the baby etc -although I did politely ask, when someone’s dog had puppies I sobbed for days because ‘even a bloody dog gets to have babies’.

Honestly, if she is a good friend, don’t send a book. By all means send her a message, tell her you are there for her when she needs you but you understand that she may need some space at the moment. She might not react as I did, we are all different.

You sound a lovely friend to be so concerned about how you being pregnant might affect her.

Hi! first of all it's so nice to see you searching for a way to help/support your friend.

Hope is a very weird thing, it can be crushing both when you have it & when you dont. Just be there, nothing really to say, maybe offer to have some facials together, something to take care of herself, she needs it.