Looking For IVF friends/support

[ADiddles]

Hi all,

I’m just searching for some support/ friends/ success stories of IVF.

I had my first round in Jan 2021 and had short protocol and collected 3 eggs. 2 fertilised and we transferred 1 embryo. Had a miscarriage at 6/7 weeks which was devastating.

Had another round in May/ June of 2021 with an estrogen priming round. Came on early, told the clinic they told me to carry on and then when I had to call to find out when I needed to start injections the new nurse I spoke to sounded horrified that I’d come on my period early and needed to speak to the doctor. Had an emergency scan and they said things should be fine to continue but one follicle was slightly larger than the others. I was also told on this round that I had low ovary reserve and a AMH of 6.6 (I was 29 at the time so wasn’t really told if this was good or bad just said if it was 5 or 6 then definitely 3 round but more than 6 I had the option of 1 or 3 so went for 1 because of cost) anyway, continued round was told in my clinical plan that I would have a double trigger because my first round produced an immature egg but wasn’t given the second trigger and then was told to have sex less than 48 hours before egg collection. 5 eggs were collected; 1 too large, 1 immature, 1 abnormal and 2 healthy but no fertilisation.

Our consultant said about egg donor which I don’t want to do and was devastated about as I’m young and I can clearly make eggs (albeit a small amount, and I can get pregnant) or to go for 3 round of mild IVF. We have been on a break from treatment since June 2021 as I’m terrified to go back and my mental health was massively affected.

I would just like to find some reassurance and some friends really as I feel so alone. Hopefully, I can support you on your journey too! Please feel free to get in touch

@IsabelHerna acupuncture is going well. I initially did it for egg quality but found it really relaxing. I hope you’re feeling well

@Luluspies I’ve had 2 failed cycles now (first one was a miscarriage so although it technically is a fail I did get pregnant so I’m never sure why the clinic call it a failed cycle) I had time off work the whole time for IVF I contacted my GP and obtained a sick note about my mental health as tbh I was struggling mentally and emotionally and just couldn’t add work into the capacity. It helped especially with the heartache of what happened after and time to care for myself. Personally next rounds, I’m not sure if I will take any time off. IVF I believe comes under maternity time off so any appointments can and should be included in that. I would definitely look into speaking to your GP and taking some time away if you feel it would be beneficial. Hope that helps. In terms of the headache I think I had one just because I cried so much and lost a lot of sleep :(

@Hoping4baby21 I struggle to not research into things and then mental health deteriorates further. I’m dreading having my notes sent to me because I know I’ll look and research. Do you get your medical bill at the end? Or before treatment? We have it before and then that makes me feel worse because I go into the whole anxiety of being able to afford it all.

@ADiddles Thanks for the info, it's just interesting to read how others manage the whole IVF/work combo, I'm ok at the moment to be honest as I had alot of annual leave that just fell at the right time just the whole explaining it to work was a nightmare at first I felt a bit lost but that's why I'm making some support pages on our works intranet, there always banging on about supporting women going through menopause and I thought hang on, when I spoke to my boss about IVF she looked at me like I had 2 heads! Hope your doing ok MH wise now it's such a tough process physically and mentally xx

@Luluspies I left that job and have been off work for 7.5 months now. Just got a new job in a different field. Timing isn't great but I'm really excited by the opportunity and it feels like a decision for myself after 2 years of making decision based on maybe hopefully having a baby. This job might have long term impact well after having a baby. It also has unlimited leave lol although because im new it will probably feel awkward/unacceptable to take a lot. I don't plan to tell them but I am going to state that I have a medical condition that requires regular monitoring and appointments so i need flexibility but will try to limit impact and book appointments accordingly.

It's hard to balance. But my work was so slow during the pandemic it was easy to juggle I also dropped down to 3 days a week and do easier tasks so that also helped but mostly I think those things were necessary because work was so toxic.

I agree we have to put ourselves first in whatever way we can. I'd hopefully take some days off after/around OOTD to give myself some space to process.

I think it's great you get to help set the process. I think flexibility is so important, no pressure/questions asked time off. Ease up on tasks and responsibilities would all help.

@ADiddles bill is first think it's always it but my husband is in charge of making payments because it also gives me anxiety. I just try to remember that if this works I won't care how much I spent.

Unlimited leave how do I get a job in there! Haha if you don't mind me asking how come you guys pay for treatment have you gone through NHS before? I honestly think my work didn't have a clue how to handle it they kind of just let me do what I wanted after EC which was very little no one even noticed when I just didn't show up! But yeah it's a funny process where support is concerned in the work place. I may even take time off in the future it just depends on how things go!

@Hoping4baby21 wow your job sounds amazing! I need to look into a job with unlimited time off too! I leave my fiancé with all the finance side too because it’s just too much o process on top of everything else.

@Luluspies where I live we only get one round funded on the NHS and because of the miscarriage the next round we had to pay for and any rounds after that. I know some areas get 2 or even 3 funded rounds but not in my area 😩

@ADiddles ah I read about the IVF postcode lottery how that's even allowed to exsist just baffles me!

@Luluspies I know it’s so awful especially when I was told by my fertility clinic that most people get the same treatment on their first round to see how they respond. So, if you don’t respond well they’re setting you up to fail so then you’ll need to pay.

@ADiddles Wow I didn't know seems so wrong that that's allowed to happen!

@Luluspies how many funded rounds do you get in your area? Just out of curiosity. xx

@ADiddles we get 3 based on our age, under 40 and that neither of us has children already and for me I just wouldn't be able to afford to pay for it so I don't know how people manage having to fund it themselves bet that adds another level of stress to the mix!

@Luluspies wow 3 rounds! That’s incredible. I’ll be honest I don’t know how we are going to afford it. Our last round that the clinic made mistakes on was £6000 and they have quoted us £11,000 for a 3 cycle round next time. We are looking into care fertility and they offer a refund package and if you don’t have a baby they will either refund 50%, 75% or 100% of your cost but there’s criteria we haven’t looked properly into yet. I’m still hoping and praying I’ll be one of those women that falls pregnant naturally.

@Luluspies you comment about same treatment is why I am not going for my NHS round. It was a tough decision because it does cost so much but where we live we only get one round and a failed cycle is no joke, it's unacceptable to me that they are acting as if the emotional fallout isn't that important. They also wouldn't consider blood clotting (turns out I have it) haven't mentioned my TSH being high so it's been like 2 months now and they didn't suggest meds or anything just have to wait for weeks on end for the next call), they want to give me a low dose but we already know my follicles are stubborn responders. They say my AMH is on the normal side, my trusted consultant said it's lower than she would expect so might indicate slower response (which we experienced) so she made a plan.

So all of that and more made me
Feel like I was not going to get the best care from the NHS and I wanted to get the best care and the best chance so we have the least amount of pain if possible.

@ADiddles we are using a 3 cycle 50% refund package with access. It is crazy expensive all this IVF stuff. I went for 3 cycles because if it doesn't work by then I feel like I could draw a line under that and start making plans for an alternative life. I need to know where we stand in regards of treatment so a package made sense for me.

@Hoping4baby21 yes I totally understand your decision making there sounds like you have had a bit of a rough ride with it all hope this is the turning point!
@ADiddles yes I always thought bet first round is a trial run so that makes sense with what u said 11 grand tho wow, we said 3 rounds and that's it but I know I would want to try again if it came to it but where do you draw the line.

Had my 3D sis and dummy transfer today. Went fine and they didn't find anything that would impeded implantation which is good. I was worried they would find something and we would have another set back. Just have to do my scratch in a week or so and have my nurse consultation this week and order meds.

Pressed post too soon.

Hope everyone is doing ok. I think I'm the only one here about to start a cycle?

@Hoping4baby21 I'm not starting my next one until June I think, I hate waiting it does my head in! good luck with Ur cycle let us know how you get on 😁

@Hoping4baby21 yeah I think you are and then @Luluspies right after you. I’m not sure when I’ll start again just got to get all the files sent across to us and then back to square one with a new clinic. xx

@Hoping4baby21 sorry I didn't see ur post above what is a scratch?
@ADiddles sounds frustraighting starting with a new clinic hope you don't have to wait to long there is so much waiting with IVF 😔

@Luluspies a scratch is where they go in and take a biopsy of your endometrial lining. It is meant to help prepare the lining of the womb for implantation and the effects last several months. The scientific data is still out on whether it improves live birth rates but my consultant said it can't hurt and is a relatively cheap procedure so we are going for it.

@Hoping4baby21 hi, sorry I know this is an old thread!! I was just wondering how you got on with crgh/ growth hormone? How long did you take it for? I’ve just had an amazing consultation with them but would love to hear your view!