Feel awful the way I feel

[Clarajnew10]

We’ve been ttc a second since our daughter was born 4 years ago, was roughly on the injection for 4 months, good few months not as he works away, good few months not trying. Both 27 and 25.

Iv had a lap and dye, countless ultrasounds blood work you name it Iv had it!

Never thought would be him I don’t no why! Well it most likely is, he’s got a big vein in he’s left testicle, and he’s blood work came back high in something which doctor suggested one of testicles isn’t functioning like it should. Ultrasound in 2 weeks sperm test in may. But I no what’s coming.

I feel awful that all this time I thought it was me and it most likely isn’t. I want another baby so badly and feel so bad its only the bad sperm! That I could go out and get pregnant most likely.. is that awful to think!

Like what do I do :( spend thousands in ICIS, push for the vein removal op and hope for the best, just feels so much different now it’s most likely not me :(

Why do you feel awful that it's not you?

Hopefully the Dr can talk through your options. Not easy this journey.

That I could go out and get pregnant most likely.. is that awful to think!

@AliceAbsolum this is what the OP feels awful about

Going to be honest here OP and say you need to give your head a wobble on this one - it's incredibly unfair (and yes a bit awful) that you blame him and think you could just go out and get pregnant tomorrow by someone/anyone else

Despite his test results it's only takes one sperm to make a baby so odds are that he is still perfectly capable of getting you pregnant

Oh I see! No I disagree @istandwithukraine. I'd think exactly the same. You want another baby and you could have one, just not with him. Not saying it's a logical thought, but it's true!
Surgery is totally doable.