From a young age I knew I wanted to be a mom! Growing up I didn’t have the best childhood and I definitely did not have a family besides my mom and dad. I always told myself that I wanted to have my own family one day and raise them how I wish I was raised and give them the life I so badly wish I had had.
At the age of 23 I was diagnosed with PCOS and it felt like my world had crumbled before me. My obgyn started me on clomid just to see if it would help me ovulate, which of course it didn’t. It made me feel like every last bit of hope I had left to have a family of my own was slowly drifting away.
My 28th birthday has come and gone and I still have not been lucky enough to get pregnant. Let alone have a pregnancy scare. The longer time passes the less optimistic I become. I know it might sound stupid to some but something I always promised myself was that if I was unable to have a child of my own by the age of 30 that I would stop trying and accept Gods wishes. I’m only a year and a half away from that age and it keeps getting harder to believe. I lay in bed at nights and wonder why me, what did I do to deserve this. I don’t feel like anyone around me understands how I feel. Everyone around me is making pregnancy announcements, my best friend is trying for baby #2 and all I want is to be able to have just 1 child of my own. It feels like someone’s stepped on my chest and crushed me. I would do anything to wake up one day and finally have the news I’ve been waiting for my whole life.