Ivf advice needed

[Luckylis32]

Hello! I’m Lisa and I’m 30

so mainly just looking for advice or people who have been through this sort of thing.

ive just come out of a very long relationship after partner decided he didn’t want any children which is fine.

however women in my family go through menopause very early I have already discussed with my doctor who has advised if I was going to have children he would recommend sooner rather then later.

ive now started looking into doing ivf with doner sperm by myself obviously this isn’t the way I thought things would be and I’ve had to let go of the idea of doing things with a partner I know I’ll be doing things like ultrasounds doctors visits labour alone which is great in one way as I’m very much a loner and like my own company but in another way makes me really sad I also wouldn’t know what to tell the child about the father when it grew up I grew up without a father and a single mom so know it can be done but I just feel like history’s repeating itself?

I could wait to meet someone but feel if I keep waiting around for a man to enter my life who I think is father material I might be waiting a long time.

anyway advice or thoughts all welcome

Hi @Luckylis32 - I've not been through this myself, but I'm giving this a bump as I know there are a few women who post on this forum who have done IUI or IVF with donor sperm and might be able to advise if they see your thread. You might get more traffic if you rename the thread - something like 'going it alone with donor sperm'

Also, not 100% sure, but think I've read somewhere that counselling is compulsory in the UK prior to starting a donor cycle and they go through things like how to explain it to the child

You could also think about freezing your eggs potentially? I understand that freezing embryos has a better success rate as they thaw better, but that egg freezing is more successful than it used to be

Warm wishes
X

I would start with having some fertility tests done - whilst a family history of early menopause may make it more likely, it doesn't make it certain. You will likely need to go private for these as I doubt the NHS will do them if you haven't been TTC. Approx costs is around £500 for basic testing.

Once you've got results back you could have a discussion with the fertility consultant about your options, or you may find you're worrying about nothing and have plenty of time to find a partner! Undertaking IVF is a big thing however you are doing it. I know women who have had a child on their own and both were honest with their children from an appropriate age about how they came to be. All that said, having a baby is extremely tough and also very isolating and lonely at times, so doing it alone would potentially exacerbate this. Hopefully you have a good network of people around you who could support you if you chose that route?

Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Maybe consider doing 2 or 3 rounds and freezing half the eggs and fertilising the rest with donor semen as embryos freeze so much better. Freezing eggs isn't as good of an insurance policy as people might hope especially if you don't get tons- but PGT-A tested, good quality embryos on other hand, if you could get three 'should' leave to a live birth. You could buy yourself a bit of time and know that at least you should be able to be a bio parent even if the right male partner doesn't' come along quite soon?

Hi @Luckylis32 and welcome to the "trying to become a single mum by choice" train!

I'm 40yo, and I'm having ivf in 2 weeks with donor sperm too. I believe you're very strong and very mature to accept the situation and make this decision, I wish I was more like you when I was younger.

My first advice would be to start a full (and I mean completely full), preconception investigation, and start a healthier lifestyle overall.

Then, research about IVF itself, how it works, terminology, what you need to know, if you can, read the book "It all starts with an egg", it helped me a lot!

Then start researching clinics, but do not look just the statistics, make a deeper research. Think if you want an anonymous or not donor. In my personal opinion, I would only consider donors through the clinic you choose, because they will be tested.

Do you have any specific questions?