Help me stop ttc

[Howtostopttc]

First up I want to acknowledge that I am extremely lucky to already have a child and I know that that won't be the case for others who have had to stop ttc.

I won't go into all the details but long story short we've been trying unsuccessfully for another baby for a couple of years, had all the tests and it is very unlikely to happen. We could try ivf but the odds are very low so ultimately we have decided to call it a day.

I just don't know how to do this?? To go on contraception at this stage seems ridiculous given we are infertile. If we continue without contraception how do I mentally switch off from ttc? I've spent most of my 30s (39 now) tracking my cycles and poas of one kind or another. Although I logically know it isn't happening, every tww I cling to hope, test early, symptom spot etc.

How do I draw a line under things? How do I change my thinking for next cycle when we are supposedly not ttc? I'm so sad this is where things have ended up but I need to move on and focus on what I have. Any advice appreciated (although please don't tell me it will happen when I relax and stop trying!).

I'm in the same boat as you. I have one dc who's 5. One chemical pregnancy since and then nothing. I'm 40. We are unexplained although my amh is on the lowish side. We looked at ivf but it's too expensive and to be honest, I don't know if I want to put myself through it all. For about 4 years I was really anxious about conceiving but no longer. I've accepted that it's probably not going to happen. We just have sex every few weeks now and I have zero expectations from it. Focusing on other things has helped me a bit, like trying to be a great mum to my son. Also treating myself a bit Be kind to yourself. Secondary infertility is a bitch.

@Sugartitsorahilly thank you so much for your kind reply. Sorry you have had the same experience. I think I really need to work on accepting it. logically I'm getting there but not emotionally. It's good to hear you have gotten there, gives me hope.

I think I've accepted it about 90%. There will always be 10% of me that grieves the family I wanted. It's the same as I accepted my mother's death 90% but there's always 10% of me in pain. The sadness of secondary infertility is that people think you should be grateful for one. It makes it worse. I feel your pain. As I said, be nice to yourself because you're going through a lot.

'Get up, dress up, show up' sometimes helps me in my darker days.

I have no advice I'm afraid but I'm also in the same boat. Secondary infertility, unexplained, trying for just over 3 years and turning 40 in a few months. Not sure how to stop. Not sure how to move on.

@Sugartitsorahilly I do feel like I need to grieve to an extent. I like your motto, mines fake it til you make it! Nice to talk to people who understand.

@ThoughtAboutThisTooMuch I'm sorry you are in the same position. No idea how to move on. It has taken up so much brain space these last couple of years. Not sure how to change my mindset

It's nice to chat to other ladies in the same situation. Sometimes I just feel lonely with it all. I have 2 best friends and one has 2 dc and the other has 4. My one brother has 4 children. It's really tough. I don't begrudge anyone else their good fortune. I guess Sometimes I wish it was me having a bit of extra luck too.