Emotional support for IVF...? Am I too mean?

[geminibaby]

Hello, I've just started an IVF few days ago - still in DR. I've chosen to keep this as a secret - just don't want to find myself another source of stress. Finding it hard emotionally - especially with my family from another side of the world.

We have a Whatsapp group - my SIL just gave birth and she would share baby photos time to time. Pathetic I couldn't manage to send a love emoji or anything - I just want to be honest to my emotion. I mean I could send something but I don't want to stress myself/ or pretend nothing happened. This can also be another source of stress. Especially my first miscarriage happened right after her wedding as I flew all the way to the another side of the world and didn't know I was pregnant. 3 years ago. I feel so emotional because her whole journey was way ahead than me.

The group seems die down a bit those few days - I'm not sure if they've opened another group since they got no response from me for a while. Am I being too mean? Does anyone share similar experience? :(

I totally understand, I have muted so many WhatsApp groups and friends on social media who have babies and young kids. That’s their day to day life so they just don’t get how triggering and upsetting it can be seeing pictures.

I think as it’s a close relative I would send a congratulations message, gift and card and then mute the group, at least
until your cycle is finished (or however long you need).

I don’t think you need to be true to your emotions especially as you’re not telling anyone you’re doing ivf. Your brother has had a baby. It’s a big deal and I would reply and be nice about it. I was doing IVF for years and pretty much everyone I knew had babies during that time. It was tough but I’ve managed to hold onto my friendships and family relationships.

I would order baby gifts online so I don’t have to see them or go to a baby clothes section of a shop. I bought a nice set of cards saying ‘congratulations’ and sent those so I didn’t have to buy it’s a boy/girl cards and when I got baby pics in groups I’d write back straight away oh lovely pic/ getting so big then delete the picture from my WhatsApp and mute the group for a bit so I didn’t have to see anyones replies. Maybe some of these strategies could work for you.

Realistically as far as they’re concerned you looked at pics of your own niece/nephew and didn’t even bother to reply. It probably does seem mean, disinterested and uncaring to them.

You need to do whatever gets you through l think. People may well think you should make more effort / be the bigger person / think about someone other than yourself etc. But l just don’t have it in me at the moment. They would probably be the same after 3.5 years of trying and 2 failed IVF cycles! I would leave it to my husband to reply if he had it in him

It's a tough one, because everyone is right when looking at it from their point of view.

I'm doing IVF so I understand it's difficult, but since they dont know what you've been going through, they don't understand why you're distant.

@Ifitistobesaid thanks so much for sharing your experience. Yes I think muting/ unfollowing babies definitely help me too x

@DrivelandNonsense good to know other's thoughts from their perspectives. No they were my BIL & SIL from my husband's side, not me. Yeah I know it was a big deal for her but everything seemed very smooth as I got their messages in the group chat along the way. You must have a big heart of keeping all good relationships - wish I could have the same...

@NorthSouthcatlady & @IsabelHerna
thanks for letting me know that I'm not along :( yes i agree...I think this was just my natural response - more anger towards this world...! Good luck to all of us xxx

@geminibaby how are you getting along?