1 MMC followed by EP....Hope needed

[Tgrf55]

Hi, really hoping someone will be able to provide me with a little hope with regards to my fertility issues.
Long story short, i found out i was pregnant last September, first try. We had delayed our wedding 4 times (18 month delay) which subsequently also pushed back trying for a baby, due to covid restrictions so i really thought our luck had finally arrived getting pregnant so quickly. I had a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks resulting in a D&C. The whole experience was awful and such a shock. I had seen the baby a week prior and heard a very healthy heartbeat so it was very unexpected. I had barely began to deal with all of the emotions it comes with when i found myself back at EPAU with pain and bleeding, 9 weeks later. Last week i had an emergency operation for an ectopic pregnancy. I'm in a lot of pain, I'm bleeding, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm confused but worst of all I'm feeling hopeless. How can it be possible to be this unlucky in such quick concession? Is this really just "bad luck" or is there likely a problem here? I have felt completley let down by the NHS both times. Absolutley no empathy, minimal information, handed a leaflet and sent on my way. 5 drs dismissed me when i told them i felt this was ectopic. 5 times sent home saying if it were ectopic I would be on the floor screaming. The drs said its just bad luck and next time i can have an early scan. Im feeling very scared for the future. Im 34 and now have 1 tube. 2 failed pregnancies resulting in surgery twice in 9 weeks. Im so worried i will never have a healthy pregnancy and im terrified that i will have another ectopic or MMC. I guess I'm looking for success stories for some hope. I feel totally lost and its a dark place for me at the moment. Thank you in advance for any support or help. X

Did you wait for one normal period after your D&C before conceiving your ectopic? I only ask because I ended up with a ruptured ectopic after a miscarriage and was advised that that was the likely cause (in fact I'd had 2 back to back miscarriages and then the ectopic) that I hadn't given time for my body to heal? I would definitely recommend giving your body a couple of months - probably at least 3-6 months to recover? I did end up moving onto IVF and had another ectopic and lost my other tube 18 months later but did eventually have IVF twins but I know lots of women who lost their tube and had a healthy naturally conceived baby. I know it's scary and you think that it will never happen for you but rest, heal, keep trying x

Thank you for replying @bonetiredwithtwins
Sorry to hear you had a 2nd ectopic, it’s awful but happy to hear you ended up with twins! So we did start trying again before I’d had a period after the D&C because I was so desperate to replace what we had lost. I got a period so assumed I wasn’t pregnant. But actually based on bloods and the size of the ectopic I did actually get pregnant again straight away. I did wonder the same thing, was it too soon and that’s why this has happened? I feel like I have myself to blame for not waiting. The surgeon told me I can try again after 1 period post ectopic but emotionally I just couldn’t put myself through it again so soon and like you say I want my body to heal. I was planning on waiting 3 months but the fear of another ectopic is taking over me already. Do you know why you’re more likely to have another ectopic the 2nd time? I don’t tick any of the risk factors for ectopic at all. Thanks again!

I know it's hard to wait when you want it so desperately

If there are no obvious reasons for an ectopic like a blocked tube or scar tissue, previously having had PID or chlamydia or previous surgery on the tube then it's usually because the tube just doesn't work - they can't be fixed or repaired and there is no test to tell you if they work or not other than getting pregnant with a baby in the right place. That's why risk increases exponentially the more ectopics you have. If yours was caused by say an infection that's hadn't cleared from your D&C then there is no reason why you'd have another ectopic and the chances are that you won't - you have higher chance of conceiving normally than you do another ectopic

My previous pregnancy was through the tube that was removed and that worked fine (until 10 weeks anyway) I didn’t have an infection from the d&c that I know of but maybe I did…. Or maybe my womb just hadn’t healed and rejected the egg or something. The worst bit is not knowing sometimes. I think I would rather have the answer even if it isn’t something I would like to hear. At least then you can try to make peace with it. I’m trying to keep hope that next time will be different but it’s hard. I hate that we are now delayed again for at least 3 months but that’s that…
Such a difficult thing to go through isn’t it.

It's a different experience to having a miscarriage - I've had both - 5 miscarriages in the end as well as the ectopics but ectopics I think are especially difficult to come to terms with as you have to grieve a baby as well as loss of fertility not to mention the life threatening element to deal with. My ectopics both had heartbeats and I found it very hard to come to terms with losing what was most likely a perfectly healthy baby Just not in the right place

Ectopics don't usually ever make it to the womb - depending on where it implanted - there is usually something that stops it reaching there - so a blockage or scar tissue or the tube not being able to push it along

I'm very much a person who needs answers as i think if I have an answer it's something that I can fix and I spent hours on Google agonising over it

There are some good on line support groups for women who have had ectopics which I found useful x