Infertility and meeting friends newborn baby :(

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I have infertility issues for 10 years , 5 misscarriges and failed ivf cycle .I have no kids . My friend is having a baby next week and me and my partner are going to see the baby and take few presents .
I hate the idea that I have to go , it’s feels so wrong , how will I cope seeing a newborn when that is all I have ever wished for . But my friend doesn’t know about my situation .and I don’t want to tell anyone because of my choice . So i feel like I have to go ,I have no excuse not to , even if I don’t go next week , I’ll have to make an effort soon after . but it hurts even now to know she will have a baby and I don’t . any advice of you lovely ladies ? Xx

I’ve just posted a thread about finding out my neighbour is pregnant and how angry and resentful I feel so I can relate to how you feel right now (TTC 3 years, 1 failed IVF and 1 successfully ivf which ended in miscarriage last month). The envy is worst part about all of this for me and it really does feel like everyone around you is having a family apart from you!

You’ve got 3 options here:
a) Don’t go, it’s your life and you need to look out for number one. If putting yourself in this situation is going to be stressful and anxiety inducing for you then it’s not worth it just to be polite. You don’t need any extra weight while baring the weight of so many complex emotions in your life. You can always use the Covid excuse and put the card and pressies in the post!

b) Tell her what’s going on. I didn’t tell a soul until my miscarriage recently as we made the choice to keep our fertility journey to ourselves. We finally decided that we valued the support from our friends and families more than our privacy about this and it felt sooooo good to get it out in the open. Really scary at first but then everyone was amazing about it and now feel like it’s an extra anxiety gone from the big pile that comes with infertility. I don’t have to lie about why I’m in a bad mood and why I change the subject whenever people talk about babies and pregnancies. If they are a true friend they will
understand.

c) Go as a kind of exposure therapy I suppose, the more you avoid the rubbish feelings the worse they get. You WILL have your baby one day and you’ve got to remember, her having hers does not affect your outcome. The only way to stay sane through this journey is to become comfortable with the uncomfortable so in the long run it might be better for you to face this situation head on rather than bury your head in the sand.

Ultimately the choice is completely yours and you need to do what feels right for you without giving a toss about what others will think. My partner and I like to “cocoon” when we feel really rubbish during the tougher times of our journey. Basically all it means is that we try to just focus on each other and what is inside our little bubble, reminding ourselves that what happens outside of it doesn’t matter to us.

Good luck xxx

Don't go.

Honestly, I think you should put your feelings aside and go.

That's coming from someone who has also had recurrent miscarriage and no baby.

I totally understand how you feel as I have very similar experience. I have only told my closest friends of my infertility journey and all of them have recently been given birth to first/ second baby. If they are your friend, they will totally support and understand your feelings.
If you are not ready, then don’t go. I understand you wouldn’t like to share your private issues with them and is totally ok not to go. You only go if you think you are ready and you are not going to home and cry all night about it. Do something you enjoy instead and meet them when you are ready. xx

For what it's worth I agree with not going. Was in a similar situation recently and I just made excuses but dropped off brownies and a gift at the door and sent a text saying didn't want to bother them but wanted them to have the stuff and was thinking of them. You need to support yourself right now and honestly this person will understandably be so consumed by their current situation it will be really hard. I would skip it for now, I think it gets easier to see people once the baby is a little older anyway.

I found it easier seeing the baby rather than seeing them heavily pregnant!

Its a horrible situation as its so hard. I'm also sad that you don't talk about it to your friends. There's so many women and couples out there struggling with infertility who don't want to discuss it. Talking about it openly has helped me so much.

Sorry didn't check the date!