Egg donation recipients

[Clt1983]

Hi All,

We had our 4th failed IVF cycle in December and are now in the early stages of looking at egg donation with Altrui.

Does anyone have any experience with Altrui that they can share or any helpful questions they may have asked when embarking on the egg donor process please?

Likewise, any general insight on the egg donation process and whether it made a difference to you mentally knowing it wasn’t your own eggs would be really good to hear. My heads a bit all over the place after 4 attempts in 12 months and I’m starting with a new counsellor soon but would really appreciate hearing from people in the same situation.

Thanks in advance

@Clt1983 there is an Instagram account called ‘Defining mum’ who has 3 children via egg donation. She has lots of information on her page and also a program for talking people through the process. It could be worth looking into.

Thanks @Dochas1211, just given her a follow

@Clt1983 Hello lovely, I can't speak to Altrui but we've just done a cycle with donor eggs and honestly I found it so much less stressful, and so much less emotionally and physically taxing. We did three rounds of ivf before this with all the ups and downs that entails - I wish we'd used donor eggs sooner.
We had a break of exactly a year between the last cycle with my eggs and the donor cycle; I really needed to focus on my own well-being and be in a good headspace, which I think really helps.
Also, reading about epigenetics is fascinating, and really makes you realise that you have a huge impact on how the genes expressed themselves, even though the original material isn't yours.
Happy to answer any questions you might have xx

I have started the drugs for cycle with egg donation - should all happen the week commencing the 17th. This is third attempt after two false starts (in Northern Cyprus and Czech Republic- both thwarted by COVID). The experience in this country is so, s much better. There is more support available, better with drugs and a lot more information available about the donors (I sent my picture and the donors from their long list that was most interested in and they let me know which were a good visual fit - real helpful and reassuring). So far am much happier. Fingers are crossed we have a good outcome.

I had ED with New Life in Greece. I never tried with own eggs as I have POF.

I found the whole process relatively straightforward. Much easier than own egg (from what I've heard anyway) I was lucky enough to be successful first time and now have three year old twins. I could not love them more.

I wish you every success

Thanks everyone for your helpful comments yes so far

@lickerdysplit, really good to hear your perspective and I will have a read on epigenetics. I’m hoping that may put my mind at ease from some of the concerns I currently have (will any baby feel more like my partners than mine, will I still feel I want any baby to have my surname or will I feel a bit of a fraud and instead suggest they just use my partners etc). I definitely have a bit of a way to go to get my head round everything. Can I ask a few questions if not too intrusive? How far are you in your cycle and how many eggs did you receive from your donor? How long did it take you to feel ok about your decision to use donor eggs? Are there any concerns you still have that didn’t go away? I’m also heartened by your mention that it is less stressful as I can also see how removing myself from the equation from the earlier stages also takes away that feeling of ‘I’m the one stopping this working, it’s my eggs that aren’t performing’

@Vslightlystressy, I wish you all the luck with your donor cycle. Did you have any concerns about using donor eggs or were you always happy to go down that route?

@CrumpetStrumpet, many congratulations on your success and thank you for your well wishes.

@Clt1983 Happy to help! We got 15 eggs from the donor, of which 10 fertilised and 9 made it to day 5 blast stage. I couldn't believe it! Such good numbers.
I guess we'd say the cycle started with my LMP, 30th November, so we're 5+2 as of today.
I think it took me about 6 months to really feel okay about using donor eggs; what helped was learning about epigenetics, but also knowing that you bond with the baby as it develops inside you. All that lovely stuff that my husband won't get to do! And...
This will sound weird, but a key thing was knowing how much I love our dogs, who we've had from puppies - like, a ridiculous amount, and I'm obviously not genetically related to them! I thought: if I love the dogs this much, I'll have no trouble loving our baby. Does that make sense?!
And yes - the aspect of self-blame is totally gone with DE. Can't recommend it highly enough xx

I had a really good conversation with the consultant- talked through the options and this gave us the highest chance of having a baby. Ideally of course we would have used my eggs, but realistically that was very unlikely to work and had very high risk of there being issues so donor eggs seemed to be the best route.

@lickerdysplit Completely makes sense. Im an only child but I have a best friend who I love as much as if she were a sister so I keep thinking ‘it isn’t blood or DNA that makes people feel like family’. A few more questions if that’s ok. Were you able to have any input into what characteristics your donor had and are you being upfront with people about the route you’re going down?

@Vslightlystressy, thanks for replying. I need to be thinking with my head and best chances of success too rather than being too led by emotion

Sorry if I sounded completely detached but I found it really hard to switch “logical” brain on but we had been through so much it was the way we had to think it through. It wasn’t an easy decision but we had to think like that to help make it…

Not detached at all, just sensible. It’s not an easy decision to make by any means and I hope the logical side of me kicks in soon too

@Clt1983 No worries! The clinic we used do a biometric scan of your face, and they want lots of precise info about height, complexion, ethnicity etc so that they can find the donor who is most like you, and also most compatible with your partner to hopefully make a child who looks like both of you. We didn't have a selection process or anything like that and I'm actually rather glad!
We've been really upfront about using DE with everyone - family, friends, trusted colleagues! I'm lucky as one of my closest friends also went through ivf (not DE tho) and so she totally got it.

We wanted two things for the donor selection - we wanted details of their personality and things like academic history and interests (sports, arts, music etc.) and also for any child to be able to get details in the future - I appreciate others don’t need this but we felt this was important- hence having a donor in the UK.

Hi, I've just found this thread and found it really interesting but appreciate it was over 6 months ago, so I'm just messaging on the off chance of getting a reply!

I've just been told this morning that donor eggs are my only option for a child (low AMH/high-ish FSH and my age) but in my head I'm still struggling with the fact the child won't have my genes. I wondered how you got on @Clt1983 ?

@lickerdysplit How are you getting on? I've not heard about the epigenetics. Did you just Google it or is there a specific website you looked at? Also which clinic did you use?

@Vslightlystressy How are you getting on too?

Sorry for all the Qs. My brain is completely overwhelmed with it all. Create Fertility offered us one cycle using my own eggs but the consultant today said it wasn't worth wasting the money as the chance of a live birth is less than 1% :-(

Hi @Tigwa , I spoke to a couple of agencies (Altrui and Grace Donors) but haven’t moved forwarded with it yet. To be honest, my head wasn’t in the right place after our 4th failed attempt and despite seeing a counsellor for many months I never really felt I’d come to terms with it all. I feel better now I’ve stopped seeing a counsellor ironically (reliving this and other bad periods of my life week after week kept everything on the surface and didn’t help me move on).

I feel less inclined to move forward with donor eggs than I did. Part of it is not wanting to go back to the headspace of wishing, hoping, getting those hopes dashed and constant anxiety. I felt really low for many months and the idea of going back to that place doesn’t appeal. Secondly, we’ve had a lot of trips away this year and made up for a lot of lost time and selfishly I find myself thinking ‘we wouldn’t have been able to do this in the same way with a child’ and maybe I don’t want to give that up. I feel as though we probably will end up giving donor eggs one shot just to say we tried it all but I feel less of an urge to do it now than at possibly any point in the last 8 months.

I don’t think that my answer will necessarily help you but I’m sorry to hear what you’re going through and I hope you make the decision that’s right for you.

Hey, @Tigwa , we used IVI Barcelona and I honestly can’t rate them highly enough. The donor matching programme was really efficient and all the staff there are incredibly compassionate and friendly. They had some info about epigenetics - essentially about how environmental factors can determine gene expression - which was very cool, but you can find a lot of info just generally on the internet. It makes you realise that genes aren’t necessarily the be all and end all.
Thanks for checking in. Sadly I went into premature labour and we lost the baby, and I’m still recovering - cervix issues, probably. IVI Barcelona have been absolutely wonderful in the aftermath. I’ll be going back as soon as I can. Xx

Hey, thanks so much for replying @Clt1983 @lickerdysplit I really do appreciate it!

@lickerdysplit I'm so sorry to hear about you losing your baby :-( Sending love and best wishes. Thanks so much for the info. I was worried about going abroad and have no idea how it all works and how to find a reputable clinic etc so really need to do my research. That's great that they've been so supportive to you. I really hope the journey works out for you and wish you all the best. xx

@Clt1983 What you've said totally resonates. We have a good life, enjoy going places and not having the ties etc. It's been over the last couple of years that I've really thought I'm ready now so it's my own fault for leaving it so late and thinking everything would be fine. I think hubby and I do need some counselling as I just feel guilty for holding off for so long when he's been talking about it for years saying how he wants to be a Dad, but also to see if I can get my head around donor eggs. All this has been occupying my brain since we started getting tested in the NHS just under a year ago, and there are so many things going on at the moment too that I feel like my head is going to explode, but I know I only have a limited amount of time, even if we want to use donor eggs. Like you, I feel as though we've got to give it one shot at least - if it's meant to be and all that. I'm sure we'll get there. Wishing you all the best on your journey too. xx