Third failed FET and struggling to cope

[Voulezvous2727]

I've had 3 failed FET's in a row (back to back) I'm 8dp5dt today on the third but getting stark white negatives so know it hasn't worked. The lack of emotional support in clinics in truly shocking and I feel like I can't continue with this anymore. I've got 6 embryos left but I don't think I can keep going through this and feeling this way. It's totally ruining my life. This time of year is especially hard as there are happy families everywhere and it's a constant reminder of what you don't have. Can't see a way forward and can't even think about the financial implications.

Hi @voulezvous2020 I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it’s just horrendous. I too have just found out I’ve had a failed FET (tho you may have more hope than me, im OTD) so I can relate to your post, the hopelessness and fear for the future, it’s a loss of money, time but most importantly, hope. The time spent preparing for a long protocol FET is ridiculously long! Did your clinic do anything different for the subsequent cycles after the first failed? I agree the support is non existent, platitudes but no one wants that. I am also a bit confused there’s not more tests in advance of transfer, for me a lining thickness scan and blood tests 10 days before the transfer, should they not be monitoring progesterone and lining closer to transfer day? I called to arrange the follow up and the receptionist actually chuckled and said there’s quite a few follow ups. Soul destroying. I just wanted to say im sorry and you’re not alone. Big virtual hug 💐

Hi there,

After 2 failed FET in one year, I feel the same as you do. Somehow most clinics don't bother too much about our mental health. They simply expect us to continue like nothing happened. But it's so hard, isn't it?
I have one embryo left and I am supposed to transfer it this month. I am so numb from all the pain that I can't get excited about it, let alone having a tiny bit of hope. Most of the times I feel so alone in this journey and no matter what the result will be at the end I am never going to recover myself. I miss my old me.
Perhaps you can push for more testing? Did you have the same protocol each transfer? Have they given you any kind of feedback?
I am so sorry you are going through this. 💗🤗

@Littleblue80 @Yuliaaa

Thank you for your messages and I'm sorry to hear of your struggles too.

It's been the same protocol for all three and I was told if (when!) I have four failed transfers they would look at things. I'm not happy to do another transfer in the same way, I can't do it. Right now I'm so angry and sad I need to decide if I even want to continue but if I do then things need to change.

Sending you both love and strength x

I had 5 failed fets this year, it was utterly shit. Eventually the 6th worked, worst embryo we transferred. Sometimes it doesn't go as the doctors / lab predict. It might also be worth ruling out some other factors such as via the era test etc. Good luck, it's crap. But you have embryos and therefore chances.

I've had five failed transfers. Had the era/Alice/Emma test and showed needed to start progesterone a bit sooner and low levels of good bacteria, although nothing too bad. Then another transfer, again bfn (haven't had a positive with ivf at all). Then some women on this board suggested I have a saline scan. Best thing I've ever done. Found that my supposed midline septum (ridge in uterus) was actually a big adhesion acting like a natural coil. Have now had that cut out and have had a natural pregnancy (that sadly didn't last long). My point is clinics do often go for the 'keep transferring' approach but if you want tests then go for it but you might need to sort it yourself. I kept asking my clinic about tests, but they never mentioned a saline sonogram but they did screen for other things.

@Voulezvous2727 handhold.

I’ve also had three failed fets this year of 5 day blasts. We have two left. I’ve had to stop for a bit now as it’s broken me.

I completely agree about clinics they don’t give a shit about the emotions and the stress and most lack care and innovation. I’m going to have some alternative conversations with specialists and then think about what tests to do. Im not risking any more embryos till I know what’s going on.

I’ve also started some therapy woth an infertility specialist. The grief of the journey needs time and care to unwrap.

Do you have good support in real life? Anyone know the level of challenge you’ve been going through? Xx

@Voulezvous2727 i'm so sorry, I'm also testing negative on my third fresh transfer (never had any good enough to freeze) so I know how you are feeling. I was recommended a hysteroscopy after my second failed transfer to check for anything affecting implantation. Are you private or NHS? If NHS could you have private investigations?
Clinic should offer counselling also, but I must admit I didn't find the counsellor at the clinic particularly helpful, I was able to access counselling through work that was a lot better.

It is a tough time, I know the feeling about not being able to go on, I thought after the second failed I could do 2 more cycles before reevaluating my options, but I really don't think I can put myself through another cycle. I think see what happens on OTD and then if still not the outcome you hoped just take some time for yourself before deciding on the next steps. Personally I'm pretty much blocking social media for the whole month as I reslly struggle this time of year too xx