IVF FET testing- feeling numb about the outcome

[Jess35]

Hi just needed to vent as I haven't been able to talk to anyone. I had my second ivf frozen embryo transfer 10 days ago and I've had a positive internet cheapie HPT from day 6. For some reason I don't believe it so not celebrating yet and I haven't told my OH or anyone else. Every test is a clear positive, though my mind is thinking that they're broken. Self preservation perhaps?! I must have done at least two test per day (12 in total) and every one is + Tonight I have had twinges nothing bad (I hope) it's just so hard to not worry. I hope I can make it to day 12! I also hope that if I get a positive then that I will actually feel good and not this kind of numbness I'm getting now from the idea I might be. Like I said I'm probably trying to protect myself and emotions.
Anyone out there feeling or had felt the same?

I think what you are feeling is normal and absolutely related to protecting yourself.

I don't know what your history is, how many rounds how long journey has been etc, but regardless of the specifics, I think infertility and IVF can be pretty soul-crushing and its only natural to be cautious with emotions!

When do you think you'll tell your OH?

Firstly, congratulations! 😊

You do sound detached. I must admit, after I got my first bfp after IVF, I found it an anticlimax. Don't get me wrong, I was happy. I'd never made one before so it was definitely progress! But immediately I started to worry, and I realised I never wanted to be pregnant, I wanted a baby, and there was still a way to go. The anxiety in the early days is unbelievable. Perhaps you'll feel better if you speak to OH? And perhaps once you've told your clinic, that'll make it more real?

You will likely not relax until your scan at the earliest, but if you possibly can, you should try to see this as a huge and wonderful step forward!

I. FEEL. YOU.

When I had internet friends get positives and not seem absolutely overwhelmingly excited by it, I was confused and angry. I didn’t understand why they weren’t beside themselves with shock and happiness

When it happened to me, all I felt was dread. Dread that it was all going to come crashing down in the coming days. It did. I went on to have a chemical and the following transfer was also a chemical. I’m currently 3dp5dt for transfer number 4.

Anyway, my point is that when you’re going through all of this, you’re so aware of what’s going on with your body and know how many hurdles you still have to face. Put on top of that any previous losses or a lack of belief you’ll ever conceive, and a positive test is great, but also quite unbelievable and daunting.

For me, I hated knowing so early. I hated knowing I was pregnant when most women (no IVF) wouldn’t have even know they’d missed their period yet.

I hope you can enjoy this good news, but remain grounded that it’s early days. If you can, I’d request betas 2 days apart so you can check HCG levels are rising as hoped. That may settle your nerves until your first scan. I only mention this as HPTs are so sensitive these days that even a very very low HCG level can create a dark line.

I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be a downer. I just share this with you to let you know you’re not alone and that your lack of excitement is normal. I didn’t think I’d feel that way, but when you’ve spent so long with failures, you’ll naturally protect yourself.

I hope your next tests/scans come quickly and with excellent news!

Tulipsandsnow
This is my first round with one failed fresh embryo. My OH and I have been trying for 4 years now and in the middle of that my dad died last year and due to covid I nursed him until the end. Totally gutted as he so desperately wanted to be a active granddad as the rest of his grandchild live abroad.
Anyway – it’s definitely been difficult all round and the IVF process has been something I felt I had to be particularly ‘brave’ about. Silly I know, but everyone (who hasn’t been through it I suppose) are of the same mind set, ‘just relax’ and ‘if it doesn’t work out at least you know you’ve tried’, ‘ you have a nice life now so you’re not losing anything’ etc etc So it’s kind of shut me down a bit, almost like I’m being selfish for wanting it so bad that I’m turning into a petulant child and stamping my feet that I haven’t got my own way. That’s not the case, but I feel if I do speak up that’s how I’m coming across.

Holskey
Aw thank you – fingers, legs, ears and nose crossed! Maybe as I said above it’s all been a journey to get here and I’m quite possibly drained from it all. The worry of not getting pregnant before the menopause catches me, then the worry of not getting the right result, then the worry that I might not even get to the end of the day never mind the end of the week. As so the worry continues and the more it does the more I squash it down so it might boil over. Maybe once I can talk to a nurse / dr I might feel a bit better. They’re all so lovely at the clinic you know they’re all rooting for you.

IAmSickOfWaiting
Unfortunately I can’t get a BETA test done as there is a blood vial crisis in the UK and they are only doing pee on a stick at home. So tomorrow I shall sneak in the bathroom in the morning and wake him up with a tea and a stick of my pee ;-p then I’ll have to call the clinic with the results either way. Hopefully I will be able to get a blood test soon.

Crossing everything for you!

I want to congratulate you but I will wait one day more! Waiting your news

Thank you Dutchesmom - so it's official! I'm 4 weeks pregnant. I've had a cry, I've had a cuddle and had a few anxious moments. It's a bit overwhelming.