IVF and intimacy

[IVFAnon]

Name changed for this!

I had a failed cycle about 4 weeks ago. Since then I have been struggling with intimacy. I think the experience of pessaries and regular internal ultrasounds has maybe traumatised me a bit? All the hormones probably haven’t helped. DH is very understanding and not pushy at all. Last night we dtd and I unexpectedly started crying halfway through. I’d initiated it and we weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary. Has anyone else struggled after IVF?

TTC ruined intimacy for us for a long time. Sticking to fertile windows, trying to dtd more, trying to less, certain positions etc. I remember crying a couple of times after as I felt it had become a chore. I remember getting upset once because DH no longer initiated but when we talked about it I realised he felt the same way as I did. Then ivf came along and I just didn’t want to be touched at all.

Try to keep close in other ways that you’re comfortable with. Cuddles in bed, spontaneous hugs and kisses, date nights etc. Be kind to yourself, ivf is a lot to go through both mentally and physically.

I agree, try to be intimate in other ways until you're ready. You've been through a lot physically, emotionally, hormonally! It's no surprise if it's taken its toll. I certainly couldn't be bothered with it for a while after IVF either.

Your clinic's counselling service might be worthwhile too.

Hope you feel better soon 💐

I feel exactly the same. We waited a whole cycle until I was ready to get intimate. The whole IVF process is awful. All the scans, speculum, egg retrieval. In the end you feel like a cow in a farm getting artificially inseminated. At least that was how I felt. But time heals everything and I am sure you will be feeling like yourself again.

What helped me was having a weekend get away a few weeks after the failed cycle. Being in the same house where you went through the IVF is such a buzz kill. At least at the beginning.
If you cannot go somewhere due to Corona, if you have an extra room in the house, you can maybe try to cuddle with your partner, watch movie there ☺️

I hope you will feel better soon ❤️

We didn't dtd for 4 months!!! Due to pessaries, then a mmc. Ivf fucks you over physically and mentally. Glad to say we've got back to it the last week and honestly, I've missed it ! I echo others, try and be intimate in other ways

Didn't want to read and run lovely, take time to yourself. Being traumatized after all this is totally understandable and normal.

@IVFAnon 💐 yes same, it's very difficult. Hormones and emotions all over the place.

Thank you for all your comments, I’m glad I’m not alone. IVF has taken so much from us this year, it’s a shame our ability to be intimate like we were before has been affected too. I think we just need time. Wishing lots of healing to everyone