Secondary infertility

[Emma1410]

Hi,

Just wondered if anyone is in the same situation as me.
I struggled to have my daughter (who is 4) it took 3 years to conceive and this was after I had my "tubes checked" I fell pregnant.
I have been actively trying since she was 1 and still nothing.
I have visited the doctors and had my tubes checked again all levels and everything looks good. As nothing had happened they gave me clomid a 3 months supply.
It's the end of my second cycle on it now and still not pregnant.
During all this time friends and family have been having babies (9 babies in the last 12mohths🙈) and I'm really starting to struggle especially when people say "they weren't trying, it was a surprise"
I completely understand I am incredibly lucky to have my daughter and she is absolutely incredible but I really really want a sibling for her.
I just find it difficult to talk to friends and family about this as I don't want people to feel sorry for me or make people feel awkward.

Hi @Emma1410,

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter turned 3 in September, we fell pregnant with her by not even trying really. We started trying again after she turned 2 years old and naively thought we would get pregnant within a few months.

Scan wise everything looks fine, e.g. lining scan, follicles wise they said its normal but who knows. My AMH is 14.8 so I think that's low/normal but all the consultants I've seen said it shouldn't stop me from getting pregnant.
My husband's sperm came back normal in May but a repeat analysis showed 2% morphology and 26% on speed.

We've just done an IVF transfer, 4 embryos weren't good enough to freeze and 1 was transferred but I don't think I will get pregnant.

Just feel resigned that we won't be getting pregnant, I too look at my daughter and am so happy that I have her but keep looking at pictures of her as a baby and really want a sibling for her.

My in laws keep asking are you trying etc, hint hint time for another one but they don't understand that it doesn't happen so quickly for everyone. I haven't spoken to anyone about doing an IVF transfer because I don't want their pity when it doesn't work.

I feel like I can't really speak to anyone about this, how I really feel and how it makes me sad all the time...

Hi @Shaj123

Thank you for your reply, it's nice to hear I'm not the only person going through this.
I'm completely with you with everyone asking when we're having another one. Even had some one tell me I'd need to hurry up as I'm "getting on a bit now" I'm 35. Which then makes me think am I too old? Am I hoping for a miracle and am I stupid for thinking I'd be lucky enough to have another child when I was so lucky to have one?
I haven't looked properly into ivf yet as I have a cousin who has been doing it for years and I don't know what to do.
I feel anxious about everything at the moment and just cry at the drop of a hat🙈

We tried for a year but I just knew there was something wrong, I was tracking my ovulation, I have had scans to see whether I've ovulated and everything seems to show that I am. Friends tell me just relax and it'll happen but they don't understand that it isn't easy when it's all you think about.

I'm 31, turning 32 in January and even I'm thinking that I'm getting too old, that my AMH is already 14.8 and its bound to get lower which will make it more difficult.

I wanted at least 3 children and I would be happy just to have one more now! With IVF, it seems like you need multiple cycles and I don't know whether we can afford it.

i'm glad that I'm speaking to women who are going through the same issues and feelings. Just know that you're not alone :)

Another one dealing with secondary infertility here. We fell pregnant with my daughter - who is 3 after trying for 18 months and a medicated cycle as they weren't convinced I was ovulating. Been trying for a sibling for 2 years and nothing, we did an IVF cycle in the summer, fresh transfer failed and so did a subsequent frozen transfer. We are extremely fortunate to have 3 in the freezer but I still just can't believe this is happening again. We made good friends when we finally got into the parenting club but they are onto number 2 and beyond and I just can't really handle being around them. Everyone else seems to fall at the drop of a hat - even those that struggled a bit the first time around. I feel so sad for my daughter - she is such a loving and sociable wee thing and we want nothing more than for her to have a sibling. I'm finding it all extremely hard once again. I'm angry, bitter and just fed up of it all. Wish we could fast forward to either having another baby or acknowledging that its never going to happen and work towards being happy for what we have. I'm so sorry you're going through this too, you aren't alone.

@florafoxtrot
So sorry to hear you are going through the same.
It's just so difficult isn't it?! And to try to explain to some people it's just so hard.
All my friends are on number 2 or 3 also.
I called the fertility department at the hospital today as I just don't know what to do.
I have one more cycle of clomid but at the moment o feel so overwhelmed by it all I don't know if I can start that again this month.
To be honest the nurse was absolutely lovely and she told me it may be best to take a brake from it all and reassess after Christmas, which I think is a good option. But then I panic and think what will I do if this still isn't happening then?!
And my main thing is for my daughter to have a sibling and I just feel like I'm letting her down.
Would also need to look into costs for IVF too. Has anyone tried a IUI and had any joy?
Thank you all so much for taking the time out of your busy days to respond, it really means a lot xx

Just thought I would add my experience. Had my daughter in 2016 - conceived with no problems. starting trying when she was 2 but nothing was happening. Had some investigations and found my tubes were blocked - most likely due to my emergency C section. IVF the only option.

When they did the tube test it seemed to release the blockage somewhat and I fell pregnant the month after - it was an ectopic that ruptured and I had to have a tube out.

Fast forward to the beginning of 2021 when I had an IVF cycle where we only got one embryo. Got pregnant but HCG levels were low and it ended in miscarriage.

Started second round this month and going for egg collection tomorrow. although I have been told due to hormones it will be a freeze all cycle. I'm so disappointed at yet another hurdle. Not sure if I will be able to have the transfer next month due to Christmas closures and it makes me so sad to think I am going to be starting the new year the same way I started 2021.

My daughter prays for a baby sister as all her friends have a younger sibling if not, two. And it breaks my heart. I have no advice as it doesn't really get easier as time goes on. People just ask more questions when they see you only have one child who is 5.

I understand how draining it is and I hope everyone in a similar situation gets some good news soon.

We are currently on a break @Emma1410. Will do another frozen transfer in January. When we made that decision I felt really relieved and liberated that it would be a break from the medications etc. and mostly I do still feel that way, but I am acutely aware that it'll all restart and I wonder what is the point in delay too - so I guess there isn't a right or wrong answer.
We asked about an IUI but as I've got quite a high follicle count they thought I'd end up overstimulated and it cancelled so we went straight to IVF. I think it can be a good option though and even just a bit of a trial with medication etc. to see how IVF might be - if you wanted to go down that route.
I struggle with this too but you are absolutely not letting your daughter down, you are doing everything you can to bring her a sibling and I bet in the meantime she has the most amazing life, filled with love and joy - because in truth - if she wasn't so amazing then you wouldn't be so keen to do it again.

So sorry for everything you've been through @edibletreats. It can feel so hard to keep going. I hope everything goes well for your EC tomorrow and that they might squeeze you in before Christmas for a transfer.

Thanks @florafoxtrot .
I feel the break is needed as we will be entering our 3rd year of this now.
I'm just hoping for some miracle to happen🙈
I think over the next few weeks i will be looking into next step options and then go from there.
I wish all you wonderful people lots of luck and love in this journey we are all on. It's not the best club to be in but I'm glad I posted this today as from these few messages alone I do feel supported by you all xxx
@edibletreats @Shaj123 xx@

So glad to have found this chat. We are now at the year point of TTC for a sibling for my daughter (now 2.5) and I am finding it difficult to keep positive. Like previous posters lots of friends I made when I had my daughter are now having/had more babies. We also had an early miscarriage in July which hit me pretty badly. I think our next steps is to see the GP in the new year and see what checks they can do. Have others found the GP supportive when you already have one child? Not sure if it effects what’s tests they will do?

Hi @Piper89

We didn’t go through the GP option because I heard they wouldn’t really see us as a priority due to us having had one child.

We will be looking to book an appointment with Dr Jonathan Ramsay to look at sperm quality. I feel that I need an answer as to why we can’t pregnant

Hi @Piper89
I have been down the GP route, I am very lucky that the GP is lovely and she did all the blood tests at my end and did refer me to the fertility unit at my local hospital.
They have done sperm check for my husband and also checked my tubes too as well as a number of blood tests.
According to all the results there shouldn't be a problem with getting pregnant but it's obviously still not happening.
They prescribed meds 3 months worth and said that after that if nothing has still happens I would have to look into the private options for ivf. This is because we already have one child together.
But I do believe I Stus a bit of a postcode lottery anyway as to ivf on the nhs.
Hope this helps. Xx

Thank you @Shaj123 and @Emma1410 for getting back to me. My GP generally has been good with other matters so I guess worth a try in the first instance and can always go private if the wait or whatever doesn’t work out.
Just got my period again today so another month under my belt! I think I find it difficult as my husband is always pretty positive like it will happen whereas I am very much why isn’t it happening.
Wishing you both the best for your next steps x

Hi everyone, I'm in a slightly different situation to most of you in that my children are 15 and 16, my partner also has a 13 and 14 year old, however we have no children together. I had no problems conceiving then but obviously now I'm a fair bit older (42) we went to the gp after one mc and then trying for 3.5 years with no luck at all. The gp did every test blood they could and scans and referred me to fertility at the hospital, I'm currently on my first round of clomid but day28 and I haven't ovulated yet 🤦🏼‍♀️ I also have adenomyosis and suspected endometriosis so the odds are firmly stacked against us, I have however seen many many success stories on here with people I've been chatting to, both through ive and natural conception with people who have either struggled or are older or both. Oh and my amh is 1.2 and amh of 14 is not considered low at all. I've been on here a long time and have a lot of knowledge on ttc and ivf etc so please feel free to ask any questions lol

I have just read all the posts here and everything you have said has resonated so much. Two years trying to conceive our second, but nothing has happened. We have had so many investigations - minor sperm issue but not too bad, and ultimately there is no clear answer except my age (just about to turn 42). I am really struggling with not knowing the cause and what to do next. We were considering IVF as our next step. I am also finding it so hard seeing other siblings playing together and watching my daughter desperate to join in. It hurts every day.

I have been fortunate enough to have my second but only after 4 mmcs and several rounds of ivf. Sometimes the body’s immune response can prevent a second pregnancy either implanting or continuing.
Like most of you, I fell quickly with my ds and then struggled with losses or not falling pregnant for many years.
It was a dark, horrible time. Shehata, Gorgy and others have immune protocols if any of you want to look into that too ( lots of threads in here about them too) wishing you the very best of luck and don’t give up