Sick of partners lack of support

[NorthSouthcatlady]

I wasn’t sure whether to put this in relationships or here? We are in the 2WW after a FET, l don’t feel lm getting the support l want or need from my partner. He said he’s burned out emotionally and he wants me to talk to my friends about it all. Personally l don’t want to do that as they either frame it as it is 100% going to work or say they don’t know what to say. They are all super fertile with 2 or 3 children each, they are the type who is they tried for more than 3 months it was a big deal. I have asked him to remind me to take my medications -4 different medication times and different doses / medications each time. He hasn’t reminded me even once, even before transfer. I’m not really sure what he’s contributing, as emotionally he appears checked out and practically he doesn’t appear to want to do that either. I’ve told him I’ve had enough and quite frankly l hope the transfer has failed. I won’t be doing anymore fertility treatment ever after this and l will be stopping trying full stop. He’s unhappy about me saying all of these things and he’s said lm mean . Claims he’s doing loads to support me but when l ask him to clarify what those things are he isn’t able to say. Since transfer he hasn’t asked even me how lm feeling once

I’m sat here burning up with frustration. I know he will want me to act like nothing has happened (we argued last night about all of this) and will be annoyed if l don’t. We work together and it has been an especially stressful week at work, l have a new manager who has made a few dodgy clinical decisions which impact on me. He has been invalidating about that as well, acting like lm going on about nothing and refusing to talk about that too. I feel totally invalidated and have the urge to bin the medication to end all of this. Who wants a child with someone who is unsupportive and doesn’t have your back?

@Dochas121 it most definitely is a cop out. I expect and deserve more. Once the TWW then lm going back on the pill, to try to get rid of the short and heavy periods l have been having. So the conceiving door can be closed forever, as there are no embryos left in the freezer now so no contact from clinic about storage fees or what we want to do

@paintfairy sounds familiar. Transfer day was brought forward for us so he was thinking about a party he had been invited to. No matter that l didn’t want to go as l couldn’t drink alcohol and l want to avoid his super tactless friends

I'm so sorry to hear this and it's sad to feel this way

My partner is the other way and at times think he needs to take a step back! Because although he's attentive and at times it been so nice having the help as I'm the main school run/housework/cooking dinner etc because I'm part time and he's full time so no other reason than that I have more time and a day off in the week but he's done it all since stims

It annoys me as he says things like sit down you need to rest and won't let me wash up after he's cooked dinner!! I've tried to say it doesn't work like that and I don't need this much rest! But he's also going through it and it's tough on each of us but I would feel very different if I felt he didn't support me

Can you talk to him and explain how you feel? X

@strawberrysummer19 l have told him how l feel on a number of occasions but it’s like talking to a brick wall. I’m bored of telling him. I just want to end the charade that is us trying to have a child and move on with my life. Not sure if l can suck up him ruining my chance to have a child.

@NorthSouthcatlady oh hun that's very sad.
Do you think taking away the TTC then there were problems before ?

Sometimes TCC papers over the cracks and even hides what problems may have already been there - not saying that's the case for you

I never like to think infertility breaks you ( because honestly it's actually made us stronger as a couple )but I think you have to have the solid foundation there to begin with

How about couples counselling?
You may have tried talking before but it's not going in and for some reason he's not listening...that comes down to respect doesn't it? Don't get me wrong me and my partner we've been through shit and even done counselling so it can work - I'm
Not one for just throwing things away but I'm sorry I couldn't do through something like this alone and I would be reevaluating at this stage.
Speaking from experience not trying to be judge or unhelpful and not saying he isn't going through his own things xx sending hugs xx

@NorthSouthcatlady we've lost 5 pregnancies on this journey, so to be honest we're both just doing the best we can. Emotionally he is absolutely there if I need a cuddle or to cry. But practically, I don't need him to be there to remind me to take meds etc as I much prefer to be in control. Our hearts have been broken multiple times and I know he feels helpless when I am emotionally not strong.

I think the difference is that you feel your partber needs to step up and be there with you and he isn't. I'm comfortable with how we're handling this shitty journey.

@NorthSouthcatlady your partner does seem like he's going a bit further than just not finding the details of IVF interesting. Calling you ungrateful over who cooks does seem a bit mean when you're going through this. My partner isn't particularly interested in the specifics of the meds or the details of statistics and some of the lifestyle changes. He's never said anything mean to me though and if I'm genuinely upset or ask him for it then he is supportive.

On the other hand I do think it's important not to compare yourself too much to people who are lucky enough to have partners who dote on them. As I said before, last time I posted complaining my partner hadn't quit drinking beer I ended up feeling inadequate compared to others when really my DH does a lot of other stuff that other people's partners might not.

@strawberrysummer19 l don’t see the point in counselling, it’s more time and money that l would need to invest. I have told him how l feel, he doesn’t listen. He’s wasted my time, been unsupportive and lazy. I get it’s not his fault he has fertility issues but he never even wanted to make changes. Whenever l mentioned supplements, healthier diet, less alcohol then he was super keen for me to do that but he claims men don’t need to. I told him he was talking nonsense and he was being avoidant. I asked him to provide me with proof that men don’t need to make any charges and I’m still waiting.

We didn’t have any relationship issues until our fertility issues. It’s made me see a different side to him.

@NorthSouthcatlady that sounds very tough on you. I’m sorry. What total nonsense also about not needing supplements as a man. That would honestly infuriate me.

When is your test day?