Secondary Infertility having a bad day

[Basicbitch40]

I have mixed feelings about posting here because I know that so many women here are struggling to have their first baby and I want to be sensitive to them. I guess I just wasn't sure where else was a good place to post.
I'm lucky to have one dc who's 7. I'm now 40. We just never conceived a 2nd. I had some investigations and they didn't find anything major wrong. We looked into IVF but my husband is not enthusiastic plus it's 10000 euro a round where I am so not realistically affordable. I can't really talk to my husband about the pain I feel because he just doesn't feel the same way at all. It doesn't affect me all the time but I'm just having a bad day today. I have to try and keep a happy face on for my dc . I'm not sure what's wrong with me because I know I'm so lucky to have my dc. Maybe I'm just depressed. I can't stop tearing up when I'm on my own. Anyone else in a similar boat? I'm so sick of being around people who seem to be having triplets at 45 etc... OK I'm exaggerating but you know what I mean. I'm just sad today.

Really sorry to hear that you're feeling so down about this

It is hard but i think you need to find peace and happiness with your life as it is

I have one child. Conceived with IVF. I wishes for a while I could fal pregnant but that will never happen

Sometimes i feel like a failure because many families have 2 or more children. But why do we feel the need to have 2 kids? Is it because society says that families need to have 4 people?

But my child is perfect, heathy, happy and very sociable. We have more spare cash, a spare room, cheaper holidays. Shes more confident and outgoing than i have ever been and very independent. She makes friends really easily because she has to.

Even if you fell pregnant now, the siblings would have a very large age gap. You'd be right back to the difficult years and the 7/8 year old could feel pushed out. Focus on the positives

Thanks for replying. You make excellent points. You're right. Feel a bit better now x

Secondary infertility can be just as painful as primary infertility just in a different way - that's what my doctor said to me once. We all have an image in our heads (and hearts) of the family unit we imagined we would have and it can be like going through a grieving process when you realise that it may never happen.
When we didn't think we would ever give our DD a sibling it helped to plan a life just the 3 of us - all the things we could do and places we could go - the opportunities we could give her (like private school or paying for uni). Being in lockdown just the 3 of us showed me that actually if we never had another baby then we'd be ok. Not going to lie it did hurt - especially when I would see little families of siblings - especially sisters.
We did end up being lucky after 5 rounds of IVF and spending £35k - we remortgaged, took out loans, cut back on everything x

Sorry to hear your pain, we're struggling with secondary infertility too. Get pregnant easily but then pregnancy doesn't go beyond 6 weeks.

My husband and I on totally different pages, I'm desperate for another baby but husband not fussed. It puts a huge strain on a relationship. I don't expect him to act sad when he isn't but it's hard for me as I am so sad about it and feel very alone because he feels so differently.

I feel like secondary infertility is just as difficult as primary infertility because you're doing the whole "family" thing... School runs etc but it feels like someone is missing 😞 plus people's comments about how difficult it is to have 2/3/4 children are so ungrateful and insensitive.

Sorry I don't have any answers but I just want to say that you have my sympathy xx