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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

Chronic fatigue

2 replies

want2bemum · 15/10/2021 08:14

Posting in infertility because I'm just about to start my first cycle of IVF, although really this is a general question about parenthood.

I'm early 30's and my partner approaching his mid 40's. He has wanted a child most of his adult life but not found the right relationship until me. I've always wanted one too.

The problem is he has chronic fatigue and some health issues which are not life threatening but quite serious, and mean that he sometimes just needs to sleep and does not really function. His health condition is the reason we need fertility treatment.

Recently, as we start treatment and it becomes more of a reality, he just seems so worried about the prospect of having a child.

I feel like he often focusses on his worries and the negatives of parenting. He says he feels bad that I will be left to do a lot of the work (which is probably true, not because he doesn't want to but because of his fatigue, but my response is that I don't mind).

It's very difficult not quite knowing what it is like having a newborn, to know whether or not we will cope. I keep trying to be positive and saying we will be fine, but it's hard to maintain that when I actually don't really know what it will be like. I have asked him if he definitely wants to do this and he repeatedly insists yes, he really wants a child.

Has anyone raised a child with one partner having health issues/ chronic fatigue? How was it and did you cope?

OP posts:
tiggerwhocamefortea · 15/10/2021 11:16

Well my partner doesn't have a health condition but he does work a job requiring 430am starts which is tiring but so for that matter do I - I work full time in a demanding and challenging job

Not going to lie the first few weeks and months are brutal but Depends how much your partner will help - my DH hasn't ever done night feeds with our oldest or our twins so I do everything. But I'm happy to do it - i breastfed them all so to be honest they didn't really want/need him. I slept in the nursery for the first 6 months

I've never hated my husband more than during the first few months of having a newborn(s) - sleep envy is relationship destroying And it's easy to become resentful of how much or little your partner is doing or not doing.

You need to be clear of the expectations of how much help they will give? Will they take the baby for a few hours when they finish work to give you a break?

milkieway · 15/10/2021 12:41

I agree the first few months with a newborn are brutal I didn't realise the extent relentless sleep deprivation would have on me

I guess it also depends a little on the baby you have and how much sleep you'll get !

What is your husband willing/able to do in terms of night times? In the early weeks we did shifts as baby would only sleep on us (which again is quite normal/common!). If he's limited in what he can do, do you have other support near by which might help you catch some rest in the day for those first few months x

All the best with your treatment

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