Fiancé wants a time limit on me being unhappy with friends thoughtlessness

[EL8888]

We had our 2nd round of IVF in the spring, transfer of a top quality embryo and excellent embryo failed. We have 1 below average embryo in the freezer, we are going to transfer it before Christmas. Around the time of our 2nd cycle friends of my fiancé announced they were pregnant, they proceeded to bombard us with debates about names, a sex update, what nursery theme to go with etc. Fiancé claims he advised them l was struggling a bit and some topics might be a bit sensitive for me -they already know we have fertility issues and it was our 2nd round of IVF. I don’t know if that was true as they were quite relentless, either they didn’t listen or he’s lying to save face.

Rolling round to today lm majorly keeping them at arms length, have no wish to socialise with them. They made a difficult phase of my life a lot harder. Fiancé is unhappy with this and is demanding a time frame for when l won’t feel like this. I am unwilling / unable to give one. For clarity lm placing no restrictions on him seeing them but l have no wish to myself. I have even said fine l will socialise with then but make crystal clear what my issue with them. That’s not acceptable either apparently

Your partner is being unreasonable, you are facing uncertainty. You cannot predict how long you will feel as you do because you don't know the outcome you're going to get.

I'm in a similar position to you, I can't face anything about pregnancy and birth, and I have no intention of that being a priority right now, if I run out of options and I have to face a childless life then I will work on it, but right now all I care about is keeping myself stable enough to continue with the horrendous treatment.

I'm so sorry your fiance doesn't get it. Not even a little. I mean most men don't experience like we do, but many are at least supportive.

Incredibly insensitive of these friends regardless of whether dp spoke to them. They know you have fertility issues and that should be enough, so I would think less of them anyway. But even if they were tactful and kind, it's perfectly understandable to avoid them for as long as you feel like it. And you'll feel like it as long as you feel like it.

Oh, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

"Feeling better/okay" is unfortunately not a switch that can be turned on and off. I believe that maybe you guys can find a middle ground on informing your friends together on how this makes you feel. You can have a talk with your fiance and decide on how to approach it.

I don't know... It's a really difficult situation and it totally reasonable to feel this way.

Sorry for the super slow reply -it’s been one of those weeks with one thing an another. A failed transfer is highly unlikely to make me feel better than the way l currently feel. Plus if we end up going for a 3rd round of IVF that will be challenging. Ironically as time goes by l am less and less motivated to do IVF but fiancé isn’t so much.

I don’t want an apology from them, l just don’t want to interact with them. I don’t see why l need to be so mindful of their feelings or my fiancé’s feelings but they aren’t mindful of mine? Instinct tells me they would be the type to say something stupid like “oh it’s not all it’s cracked up to be, l got so little sleep last night. Why don’t you take him home lol”.

I’m not saying my friends or other people have been blameless. One of my friends delighted in telling me she had it much harder with 2 young children, this was after l mentioned fertility drugs made me nauseous and tired. Also she would love a holiday to cheer herself up (this was towards the start of our fertility issues) but she had to spend all her money on childcare. But she was my friend and l dealt with her the way l wanted to, rather than having a low of pressure to be diplomatic