Friends whilst having IVF

[ivfbubs22]

I've had the same friend circle for a while
My best friend since school is in it - 6 of us but they are all her friends from years before - as far as primary
As in if I didn't have her as a friend I wouldn't be friends with the others I don't think

We meet roughly quartley - we have all kids but one so everyone seems to either cant make it, too busy etc yet I always find time then when we do meet they have to get that to put kids to bed so I don't think they value the friendship as much as I have in the past
I don't think anyone's ever that busy - you make an effort in my eyes anyway
This has been going on ywaray and I've had enough
Covid has been the test and really opened my eyes

Since having a failed ivf and starting another soon I just really can't be bothered to stay in that circle group with how I feel! They are bitchy (when we do meet) last meet up was June, no one was free over summer holidays, they constantly moan and winge about small petty stuff, I just find them so negative since trying to be positive myself. They always seem to be slagging one another off so god knows what they say about me. It's draining. I even came off the whats app group when I changed phones and I really didn't miss the negativity
I was persuaded to go back on but I wish I didn't but now just can't leave ! Without having backlash of drama anyway which is what ok trying to avoid

I'm at the point where I've backed away now for my own peace of mind and stress levels and my best friend has noticed. But now I just don't know what to do. As I don't wanna me mean. I feel sad and fed up about the ivf which I'm trying to process and I just feel so disconnected with these girls.
If I met them now I wouldn't be friends with them!
I have other friends I just wish these friends didn't make me feel like this
Help x

I think life events often lead to thoughts on who to prioritise as a friend. IVF in particular has made me cut my friend circle down dramatically, I haven't fallen out with anybody. I just have a handful of friends who are very supportive and who I keep updated on my treatment, they understand the emotional distress and physical issues and are flexible for when I'm free to meet and chat.

I personally wouldn't be pushing myself to do things with a group of friends that makes me feel rubbish. I would make an excuse and then maybe reconnect in the future if I felt able to. If they are real friends they will understand.

Just throwing this out there - I haven't had the childcare to get my hair cut in two years. Part of it may be that I don't prioritise my self are over things like making sure my kids (oldest, 2.5, is ivf) don't choke, play with sharp objects, hit each other, basically watching and minding them.

So yes, unless you have really good childcare options (I'm grumpy with dh as I currently need more help than he's giving over the last couple days/ weeks and has never watched both kids for more than 5 mins while I shower, or poop or the 20 mins a week I get the wash my hair - yes I only have time to wash it once a week), yes, you really can be too busy just because of kids.

@physicskate sorry to hear that, it doesn't sound like you have much help and
Doesn't sound balanced at all.

Although I only have one dd who is now 10 yr when she was a baby and smaller I made sure I made time for myself too. Soak in the bath when she was in bed, face packs / paint nails what have you - doesn't matter what it is as long as it's something you enjoy and I was a single mum and did it pretty much alone for a long time.

I'm sorry but my friends have no excuses because they do have childcare - nanny's for the weekend and husbands that either don't work as many hours as my Boyf does as a comparison or stay at home dads so they choose other things - ie Facebook proves that.
My point is you find time and will make time if it's important enough, it's what I do for my friends. I'm but saying it is easy but it is doable.
One friend says things like her husband doesn't let her go out if she's been out that month - all things they do have control over.

It's the bitchiness and mean parts that I've really not liked in my friends - no need for that x