doubts setting in

[sillysmiles]

Hi all,

Baseline scan for FET this morning. Our last embryo. We have no intention of trying again. The last transfer resulted in a positive but then a MMC at the 10 week scan. Had that gone to term that baby would have been born Jan 2020. (For time scale). We had decided to go again last summer but everything got delayed with covid and other life things.
So now we are going again. I'm now 42.

But since my period starting for the start of the cycle I'm having doubts that hadn't risen before.
I've changed jobs and the contract ends soon, with a good chance of renewal but not guaranteed. But finally after years I'm financially secure and potentially not being able to get a job while pregnant (if my contract doesn't renew is scary)

With things reopening post covid we (DH &I) had life plans for travelling, paying off mortgage early, retiring early etc.

I think we had both accepted that we were not going to be parents having tried so hard for years to become parents. It has taken so long to start this cycle that I feel like we thought it would never happen and now that it is I'm scared!
What if it is successful but then I'm jobless. Or it is successful and the child has serious complex needs and now we are older.
I feel I've spent the last 2 years preparing for a negative the thoughts of a positive are scary!

Hi @sillysmiles

Sorry to hear about the MMC. I am in a similar boat in some ways - I am 42, I also work on a contract basis. In my case I'm single, so the thought of being out of work and trying to pay for a baby is definitely terrifying!

I don't have any magic advice except to say that I think it's entirely natural to feel scared at the prospect of a child completely changing the path of your life. On the positive side, it means that you understand the impact and you're going in with eyes wide open. I don't think having fears in itself means that you shouldn't go ahead, it's a natural response.

However, I would say remember that you're not obligated to go ahead either - if you would prefer to take the path that doesn't include children that's entirely your choice to make. You are allowed to have started on one course and then changed your mind.

I really understand that at 42 it's a somewhat now or never decision if you were going to do more fresh treatment, but as your embryo is frozen could you pause this transfer and give yourself some thinking room?

I also think that while there was an embryo in the waiting as such, there was always the possibility of a family but now that we are using that embryo it stops being shrodingers cat and the box will be opened soon!

@lucymills1234. In my case I'm single, so the thought of being out of work and trying to pay for a baby is definitely terrifying!

This too. In my area its routine to have stable contracts. I've been very lucky to have had longer term contracts prior to this one. But it when you hear people (often men) saying "she should have planned better" in terms of a pregnancy timing - it frustrates me no end. But that's an aside!