Pregnant friend told me today

[Winecurestiredness]

Hi everyone first time posting in this section...I already have children so this does feel strange but I am in an unusual situation with being completely sterile at the age of just 29

I have secondary infertility caused by radical cancer treatment in my mid 20s. Fortunately I had DS1 at 19 and DS2 at 23 so I am aware that I am blessed. To be honest our family was complete. But then I got pregnant with DC3...I had the cancer treatment while pregnant and sadly DC3 died. After the treatment I then got the news I was in ovarian failure and will never have any more children unless I have IVF. This was 3 years ago.

I feel so greatful to have DS1 and 2. But today a friend told me she is pregnant and apologised in advance for saying it. I am very happy for her. She is the same age as me and its her second. I'm not sure why I'm sad though at the same time. I shouldn't want any more babies...our house is too small, I have been so ill, and we have 2 kids....I shouldn't have an ounce of sadness about not getting to have a baby in my 30s...but I do. I think its because when I was so young I was unable to appreciate it as much. As a 30 something I would bring so much more to a child's life.

Any secondary infertility ladies feel sad when friends announce pregnancies despite already knowing we are blessed already?? Its such a screwed up feeling.

Also a secondary infertility mum.

We have one amazing son who I am hugely hugely grateful for but I am just so sad we don't seem to be able to have another baby 😞 I've had multiple miscarriages, life just feels cruel atm. I'm 31 and am so sad when I see people who are pregnant, they have a 6 month gap between pregnancies and I'm going to have at last 3.5 years between mine if I ever get pregnant again

I know I am very thankful to have 1, I feel so much for people who can't have any children but I still feel heartbroken.

Plus I'm sick of comments such as "ahh it's so easy having 1, it's so hard having 2 under 2" etc etc etc

oh yes PP it is so lonely. I had 4 miscarriages before going into ovarian failure. Nobody looks at a young person (under 35/40) with a child or two and expect them to be going through this, which makes it so hard to speak out. I met up with my friend today.. she got her bounty pack in front of me, opened it, asked me for advice...it felt so weird..I was pleased for her, but also filled with dread at the thought of my DSs meeting her baby and asking me triggering questions

I am experiencing secondary infertility too. So blessed to have DS who is 10, fell pregnant so easily and had no issues during my pregnancy, took it for granted that I would easily be able to have another. We’ve been trying for 18 months now and nothing. All tests have come back as normal and due to already having a child do not qualify for any help. The whole world around me seems to be announcing pregnancies, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with. Infertility is a cruel cruel condition!

Yeah, it is I have come to the conclusion now that I'm definitely sterile for the rest of my life, I need to avoid pregnant women who are baby bores. Of course I'm happy for them. But I really don't need a friend who is obsessed with her pregnancy. That phase of my life is done now sadly...

Sorry for your loss of DC3, how awful

Sorry for your loss and for everything you've been through.

Secondary infertility here!
I feel sadness, denial, guilt... oh the guilt...
From the sound of it, you don't want another child, you're grieving the fact that you don't have the choice.

I'm so sorry for you loss :(. Also suffering from secondary infertility. I think we should make our own support group as its such a complicated feeling. You feel the guilt and longing.I'm floored with tears everytime somone announces their second (especially when they had their first after mine) when my child asks for a siblings it breaks my heart in two. I dont know the answer. It's so hard :(*

Secondary Infertility person here too. It's utterly shit.

Same!

I really relate as I had my daughter at 23 and had such shame at being a young mum that I didn't attend any baby classes etc and had to work full time so never got to do school drop off and pick ups. I also had her with a horrible man so was a single mum two weeks after her birth. I long to do it with my husband and experience everything I missed and sharing it with someone.