Depression and infertility

[JessWi]

Has anyone else suffered from depression due to their fertility journey?

I am blessed to have a 10yr old DS who was conceived in the first month of TTC when I was 25. We then focused on our careers and didn’t think twice about having difficulty in having more children when we were ready. We have been TTC for 15months now with not even a hint of a bfp. We have friends who have been pregnant and given birth and just recently a very close friend of ours has announced they are expecting, I could hardly even congratulate them.

All tests have come back as normal and it is confirmed that I am ovulating regularly.

I am now finding that my every thought goes in to TTC. I’ve lost joy in every other part of my life and I feel that I’m wasting my life because of this emptiness inside. It’s almost like I’m mourning the family life that I should be experiencing.

I am booked to see my doctor about my depression next week but am reluctant to take anti-depressants as I’ve read they can be detrimental if pregnancy occurs. Am I the only one who is struggling to cope or does anyone have any coping methods that will make the longing of being pregnant go? 😢

Hi there, I completely understand. I had three late first trimester losses. I feel like it affects everything. Your family life, your work, your friendships, everything. News of pregnancies can cause so much grief.
I actually went on sertraline, which is supposed to be very safe in pregnancy. I’m on a very small 25mg dose now.
I had two rounds of ivf. Have a blast from first on ice and second I fell pregnant.
I would advise you to try ivf. I told my two friends the same and both went on to have kids. Both of them have great fertility but just couldn’t get pregnant naturally. They produced lots of eggs and blasts via ivf.
It can be expensive but there are clinics abroad which are cheaper if cost is an issue.
I wouldn’t spend anymore time naturally ttc especially if older

So did you not find that your depression lifted once you were pregnant/had you baby? I’ve started to read that the stress of infertility can indeed cause long term mental health issues even after a successful pregnancy?

I’ve always been a very confident and bubbly person, I’m very nervous that that side of me won’t ever be the same again due to this journey :-(

I’ve always had anxiety tbh but manageable. I was trying to come off the sertraline as at the 50mg dose it seemed to affect my progesterone level and clinic didn’t want to cycle me. At 25 mg it was fine. I was planning to come off it completely before putting the embryos in. Then my ivf has to be converted to iui because I ovulated the morning of egg collection ( very rare!) so I was still on the sertraline in the tww. I tried to come off it when I got bfp but I’m very sensitive to most drugs ( struggled to come off steroids too) and I felt wretched. I thought it might harm the embryo so I went back to 25 and stuck here.
With all my losses it’s been an anxious pregnancy, I didn’t even look at a scan until 12 weeks. I felt the sertraline just took the edge off the worst of the panic . The pregnancy before, I was literally bursting into tears daily in worry. I think I’ve cried 4 or 5 x in 21 weeks his time.
A lot of my anxiety is situational so if I have a healthy baby and they get to a more robust age say 6 months , i think I’ll be fine and come off this.
If you think falling pregnant, your anxiety and depression will be better than don’t take anything. If you feel you will be a nervous wreck before and through pregnancy then do.
Have you explored ivf then?

We have had a really long IVF journey. Our next round will be the 6th. We cannot conceive naturally so IVF is our only option.

I fell apart between rounds 3 & 4. I would highly, highly recommend some time with a psychologist who practises compassionate focussed therapy (a type of CBT). I was suffering a kind of grief and it helped so much. We were able to get it covered by my work private health insurance.

Whilst I’m not exactly delighted with the lack of a baby (to date), it taught me some really useful coping mechanisms to deal with the downsides. Our IVF path has particularly done an absolute number on my hormones and how they affect my mood, and again, with CBT I’m so much better equipped to deal with the teary, irritable and/or anxious days.

So far I haven’t needed medication albeit have come close a few times - my psychologist has just said I should consider low dose Valium for the very worst of the hormone disruption.

We haven’t explored IVF yet, I guess that feels like you really put a label on it when you go down that route, however by listening to other peoples journeys it is something we will now look into.

I would be keen to look into CBT as a feel like I do everything I can to maintain a healthy mind, I’m of the correct weight, I exercise frequently, get good sleep, eat a good diet, don’t drink caffeine and rarely drink alcohol, don’t smoke etc so I feel I give myself the best chance, however still can’t shake these low feelings.

I’m grateful that IVF gives couples hope (and success) of a successful pregnancy, so perhaps looking at it in more detail will lift my spirits and give a new flicker of positivity 🙏🏼

I know ivf can seem scary but it’s fine. Yes, it can be hard mentally ( waiting for results mainly) but I found physically wasn’t too bad actually. I think it does feel good to be doing something different.
In terms of clinics, I used ARGC and also looked at crgh and create.
Look on the hfea website for those with the best stats for your age.
I read ‘it starts with the egg’ and took all the vitamins in there for three months before ivf.
I’ve not read it but there’s another book , is your body baby ready, which a lot of mns rave about.
Hopefully, doing something different coupled with cbt may help life the dark cloud. If you still feel the same, do try a low dose medication. If you struggle to sleep- I also took melatonin prescribed by my clinic which helps egg quality and the added bonus of making you sleep . Let us know how you get on, best of luck

Thank you so much @Notanolympian I will look into these clinics x

@JessWi I am the same.

I've been trying for 4.5 years, one miscarriage in between. Found it hard to be happy and felt like wasting my life.

I used to have a good relationship with my in-laws. But I've moved to another country - used to phone them several times a month. After knowing my brother-in-law's wife got pregnant I hardly call them anymore. Do not want to hear any things about them being busy or excited to welcome their future grandson. I don't even want to be involved in their calls with my husband. So weird. I'm not sure if this is jealousy or what. I just don't feel like to be connected anymore. I'd rather live my own life and put my feeling onto the top of my priority...

Thinking to go IVF but am also afraid of being failed again, which would definitely make me more depressed...

Oh @geminibaby I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time too 😢. Have you found out the reason why you are having issues conceiving? I can totally sympathise with you, my brother in law has had a very toxic relationship with his on/off girlfriend, they are currently back on, she is the type of girl to fall pregnant to trap him and I’m so terrified that that will happen before we manage to fall, I honestly don’t know how I’d cope if that situation arises, so I really can understand how you are feeling.

Have you managed to get any professional help to help with how you are feeling? What is the next step for you if you do not want to go down the IVF route?

Hi all,

I am so sorry for your losses and all the things that you've been through.
I am single, almost 40 ( I have to get used to that one), and I started my IVF journey.

I've had professional help before and it was really helpful and now that I am starting the journey I will need support -I am sure of it!

OP, good for you that you took that step, but it's not sure they will prescribe you medication. Also, you can (and should), mention your worries and they will let you know if the medication (that they suggest) affects pregnancy. Maybe you can start with therapy and exercises. Try to focus on the first step, which is going there and having the 1st appointment and you can worry about the rest later, when and if they suggest medication.

I know taking it a step at a time, and worrying for what is in front of you is not easy, our minds tend to run ahead of us, create scenarios and stress about them -trust me I'm kinda the queen of that!-, but I'm trying to accept it and deal with it.

I wish you good luck for everything, and if you need someone to talk to, or to vent to, PM me.

Best of luck for your IVF journey, I applaud you for going it solo, really brave thing to do.

I am taking it one day at a time, I’ve now had an initial assessment with a therapist who has recommended that I go forward for some counselling, so I’m going to give that a try, although she did say that it would be at least a 6 week wait to get started.

At the moment though I’m having some good days, have felt more positive that negative, which I’m very grateful for 🙏🏼