Baby in ivf clinic

[GreyGoose1980]

This morning as I attended my ivf scan appointment there was a woman attending with a baby under one. She left him there briefly on his on mouthing to me she was ‘just going to the toilet’. Due to the way our clinic is set up there’s not the space for a buggy in the corridor between the waiting room and scan room so a nurse came out after her appointment and helped her move the buggy. The nurse then went on to discuss how gorgeous the baby was. The mum stayed there acknowledging this and talking to the baby for a short while with me sat there on my own feeling quite down. My journey has been a long one and I feel fairly flat at most appointments these days but I really hope there wasn’t another lady there another time waiting to see if her six week scan was okay / whether the was a heartbeat. Wish people would think a bit more!

Really sorry to hear you had this experience @GreyGoose1980.

I can't stand waiting rooms in fertility clinics. If I'm being generous, perhaps she was struggling for childcare, but still- what you've described makes a crappy and lonely situation even worse. Is there any way it could gently raised with reception/the clinic?

Good luck with your treatment.

Poor you. That would also upset me a lot. I think women who have successful treatment can lose empathy. No doubt that woman would’ve felt the same if she was the one with no baby and left baby with someone else.

Thanks both.

Your replies mean a lot. Am glad I’m not the only one to find this a challenge. On one level I felt empathy for her as a busy mum who genuinely may not have had childcare, but on another level I just thought she was being very insensitive and I know I wouldn’t do that in her situation and would have sorted some alternative out.

Also seeing babies when I’m out in restaurants etc always makes me feel a bit wistful but not upset in the way this did. It was just a really unsettling experience coupled with the nurse fussing over the baby. I don’t think I will raise it with the clinic; although I agree it is a good suggestion, as I think I’d find it hard to explain to anyone who had not themselves gone through infertility. Thanks for listening.

I had to take my daughter to a couple of scans but she was around 3 .5 at the time. I spoke to the clinic in advance and booked an appointment during the quietist part of the day to be respectful as I could x

@ivfgottwins
I can’t obviously speak for others but from my perspective seeing a 3.5 year old would not have impacted me half as much. Not sure I’m being logical but it’s just how I feel.

@GreyGoose1980 agreed!

Eugh that happened to us a few times during cycle 1. I always massively cringed. Other people’s poor self awareness is impressive

@EL8888
Agree! Hope you are okay!

@GreyGoose1980 - I would have felt exactly the same, it's very insensitive. I've seen older children in waiting rooms before and that didn't bother me too much, but I think it's because when we dream of the IVF working it's the baby we imagine, not necessarily the 6 year old most of the time.

I think I read on this board from someone else once actually why they found seeing babies in IVF clinics so hard - since everyone there is because of infertility, to see a baby just reminds us, people without one, that we are the most infertile of the infertile!

Thanks @NewSew00
I agree, I think that is the case.

My clinic doesn't allow children in at all. I'm surprised any of them do.

I think clinics should offer a separate waiting area for the little ones. Childcare is difficult to find, but if the clinics offered a nursery for short notice, then mom's would feel better and calmer during their appointment and other patients wouldn't feel awkward or trigger negative feelings.

This happened to me during one of my cycles, except it was a staff member who had brought their newborn in to show it off to their colleagues. So I didn't even really have that "oh at least it's testament that this process works" moment. It felt like a huge kick in the teeth and it must have been written all over my face as the woman with the baby started looking quite uncomfortable. It's been well over a year since this happened and it still makes me upset/furious now. I'm lucky enough now to be pregnant from one of my frozen embryos, and I wouldn't dare go anywhere near the clinic with her.

I had to do this recently as my nanny called in sick at 7am on a Monday morning and I was having egg collection that day and had already taken the trigger shot. Obviously my husband was required too to give his sample, we really had no other option. I felt bad as there was a lady there who did look a bit upset by it as we couldn’t bring the baby through to the treatment area so he had to stay out in the middle of the waiting area. I think most people are aware it’s not ideal and likely are there having run out of other options :-/