Diagnosed with make factor but still convinced it's me

[theotherfossilsister]

Hello, posted a few times before and on a few old threads but I tend to disappear from here too because I end up getting really upset abd making myself crazy.

We have been ttc almost three years now and live in Scotland. Apart from a chemical pregnancy we've had no luck.

I have mixed connective tissue disorder with rheumatoid arthritis and lupus factor. I went off my methotrexate to ttc. Currently I am on cimzia and hydroxocloroquinine as well as five mg folic acid.

So it was a real shock when we were diagnosed with male factor and told there is nothing wrong with me. Dp has borderline count and really poor mobility but he's not had a test now since October and he's been taking lots of vitamins etc, since then, and drinking tonnes of tomato juice as recommend by someone on here.

As every month passes I am more abd more convinced that it is me. We are going to begin ICSI soon but I'm almost sure that my shitty immune system will kill lovely healthy embryos, it's probably been doing that all along.

Neither rheumatologist or gynaecologist seem to think I am right, but I have such a strong feeling.

A friend says that I only think it's my fault because I've absorbed the idea that the woman must be to blame and it's patriarchal bullshit. I don't think this is the case though. I have good reasons to believe it is my fault.

@theotherfossilsister sorry to hear of your struggles and that you’re feeling this way. What investigations have you had? I was diagnosed with unexplained but to be honest didn’t do much intrusive tests - bloods were fine and internal scan looked ok but tubes weren’t tested. I’ve a shitty immune system too and had previous surgeries so they thought maybe could be scar tissue from that but they said the outcome would be ivf anyway so no point doing much investigations. I take an immunosuppressant and there are actually studies suggesting that the medication can assist in ivf - as in some people were actually prescribed it with ivf.
So whilst we were unexplained - I too have blamed myself and my illnesses.
I wish you luck x

Thank you @AutumnHoping. It's so hard isn't it? What is your so disorder abd which immunosuppressant are you on? Mtx was great for me but been off it nearly four years now. I forgot to say I also have sjogrens so need to drink a lot of water.

I had a hysterescopy as they suspected a polyp but it came back totally fine. My RA symptoms are currently nibbling on my wrists and it's so hard.

When are you beginning ivf? I think we will be October but I wish I could calm my crazy immune system down first. I'd literally try any diet if it would make a difference.

I think the clinics only scratch the surface with what can be the cause to infertility so whilst there could be issues, I think it would take lots of investigations and tests to find - you see ladies on here having to fight for these tests - ERA, EMMA etc and end up needing antibiotics and probiotics. So I guess it depends how far you want to delve into things to get to the route cause.
I have Crohn’s disease and on infliximab infusions every 6 weeks.
I have had 2 fresh rounds - the first was abandoned and the second worked. Two FET, first failed and second abandoned. I was having a flare at the time of my first cycle that was cancelled after 15 days of stimms and whilst they weren’t sure I wonder is that what caused my blood work to drop all of a sudden. Hopefully you can get it under control so you’re as fit as you can be for starting!

Oh God, an abandoned round must be hell. I'm so glad you had one that worked though.

Sorry what are EMMA tests?

H xx

Yea it was very frustrating! I left the clinic on the Friday following the scan being told I would probably trigger that evening or the next day for collection but they’d phone to confirm but the phone call was to say it was abandoned and not working - and of course you don’t be told by a consultant so can’t ask questions and all very blasé but thankfully next time worked.
I’m not even sure - I’ve just seen different ladies on here talking about them - don’t think clinics often mention or offer them or maybe even do them - I think it checks for the microbial environment in the lining to check for any abnormalities that may prevent implantation. It just seems to go so much deeper than what is discussed at consultations. But you may not need to even think of anything like that - hopefully your cycle goes well. I think those tests are performed after several failures.