Baby shower- AIBU?

[humbags]

Ladies please tell me if I ABU
Someone let's call N used to be a very close but constantly flakey friend until the last year and a half to two years when I guess we drifted apart. We live in different towns but still tried to meet up every now and then. We both started ttc at the same time. She got pregnant right away. I did not. One year on she's invited me to her "mother's blessing" and I originally said I was going to go but now im in two minds. Mostly I'm feeling a bit hurt at the fact that she's never once asked me about how I am, about my fertility journey. I never hear from her. I text her and ask her how she's doing, she replies eventually but never asks about me. She says she doesn't have the mental headspace for anything except what's going on with her and her pregnancy right now and I do truly get that but deep down I feel hurt that she hasn't once asked what's going on with me. I am going through infertility treatment right now and honestly I just don't feel like going to see her "mothers blessing" especially as she lives 3 hours drive away. I feel like our friendship is now just superficial and if I even felt a tiny bit of consideration coming from her I would be 1000x more happy to attend her event. She was one of my lead bridesmaids when I got married 3 years ago and I miss our close friendship terribly tbh which is why there's part of me that still feels I should attend since she invited me. But I do not feel like I get back what I give to her emotionally. There's another part of me that feels that maybe if I wasn't struggling with infertility myself I would want to go more despite the growing emotional distance between us.
I am increasingly thinking I will send her a baby shower gift with a note saying that I won't be able to make it - maybe explaining that it's due to needing to protect my mental health during my infertility struggle, maybe not. I also don't feel like proactively sharing that much with her since she has never asked. But I worry if I don't go it will be the final nail in the coffin of our already dying friendship. Should I even care since she's been so remote? AIBU to wish that she would give a damn about me even while her focus should be on herself during her pregnancy?
Any advice?

Send a gift and don’t go. My cousin started ttc same time as me and has now had 3 children and 3 baby showers and I’ve just said I couldn’t make it each time and sent a gift. You don’t need to explain yourself to her. It would be hell for you and if the friendship fizzles out so be it. You need lots of support during ivf treatment you don’t need to be putting yourself out for someone who hasn’t been understanding to you thus far. Unfortunately a not often talked about side effect of a infertility is that friendships do suffer. It’s not fair on us but it does happen and you need to protect yourself.

I think you need to separate the 2 issues - the friendship which has drifted apart naturally perhaps (and not down to fertility issues as you say you've been trying 12 months) and the lack of support from her during this time as well as your infertility?

Have you been trying longer than 12 months? It's just that at this point if it's 12 months then whilst I know how upsetting it is not to get that BFP every month most people will get pregnant naturally within 2 years? Although I know that sounds like an awfully long time

Perhaps since its only been a year she hasn't thought to ask how it's going - I wouldn't have asked my close friends in the first year about it? Only those that had gone over 2years or had suffered losses or going through IVF?

I suffered primary and then secondary infertility and several miscarriages and ectopics and multiple rounds of IVF. I always chose to go to the baby showers etc because friendships are about being there during the tough times as well as the good ones. I won't let my infertility define me - it's very easy to lose friendships and become alienated from family during all this and it isn't always easy to get them back x

I would probably send a gift and/or a card but not go. 3 hours travel each way is a lot to attend an event for someone who doesn't sound like a very close friend anymore, and there are Covid concerns too.

I'd probably just say something along the lines of you're happy for her and would love to catch up properly when it's possible, maybe including an up to date contact number so she can call you. I wouldn't mention your own situation, as it's not really her or anyone else's business and once something is written down in a card you don't have a say in who reads it.

First of all, I wouldn't go to a social -not emergency- event 3hours away during Covid, no matter the event, especially for a friend that has been drifting away.

I would sent a gift with a nice card, maybe even call or text (depending on your relationship) and that's it. You do not have to explain yourself if you dont want to. Any medical issue, is a personal matter and we should feel free to share only the amount we want.

Personally I find baby showers a bit vulgar in general. If you want to give her a gift for the baby, I would do it one time when you are wanting to see her.