Infertility , feeling depressed , eating junk food , no motivation !

[Sadgirl28]

I have no children and have fertility issues ! Many misscarriges (5) and no children . It has caused me so much heartache over the last 6 years . Currently waiting for ivf with nhs . I am feeling so low , lower than ever before In My life . I will never have a baby ! My body is a failure . I hate myself . I hate life ! Everything is against me about pregnancy . I am 28 and feel like I’ll never be pregnant ! The last thing that really made me feel emotional wreck is when my best friend told me yesterday she is pregnant I have no motivation anymore to do anything , staying in house and eating crap all day like crisps fizzy drinks and chocolate , not caring about my health or anything anymore because what’s the point , I don’t care anymore . . My body is a failure , I was born wrong !! ! PS I am not overweight . I just want to sleep my days away until I can start ivf . Any advice how to be a human after all this heartache iv been through ?

Hi @Sadgirl28. I wish I knew the answer to your last question, I really do. I just wanted to say that you're not alone. What you've written is pretty much exactly how I feel today too - broken, hopeless, a non-person... I do believe we will feel better at some point. Right now I'm not sure how - I'm going to try chocolate, cats and shouty metal music. 💜💜💜

I feel the same, except I’m 31. Had 3 miscarriages in the past 12 months now. Put on a stone since my first one and now I am heading towards obese on the bmi chart. Wanting a baby should be enough motivation for me to lose weight, but I just feel so down that everyone around me is having babies, completely effortlessly or by ‘accident’ 😭

You’ve got a lot on your side like time, and the fact you can get pregnant. I know your best mates preggo atm but nothings a given - be happy for her. It could be you soon again and then you’ll have kids who grow up together. A mate of mine had a similar story as you and by chance she was told to try blood thinner injections by the consultant who walked past the nurses office and she called him and said ‘this girls losing all her babies at X weeks’ (i think it was 8-10) so he wrote a script and boom next cycle she’s pregnant, takes it to term.
What were your bloods and scans like?

@Covercharge hey thank you for your supportive message my blood work is perfect , nothing wrong , my scans have been fine until last week when I had another scan to check my uterus before ivf and they think I have abnormal uterus , a septum separating the uterus cavity which means when the embryo implants on there it will fail growing as there is no blood flow to the septum , thankfully I will go back next week for 3D scan which will give accurate diagnosis and hopefully will get it removed before ivf , I will be so happy to find my problem for my so many losses after so many years of being told all is okay ! It’s very hard to see the abnormal shape and septum with normal 2d scan , but if you’re very professional , you can somehow pick it up and then conform it with 3D scan . So once they remove it I don’t see why I can’t carry pregnancy as normal

@MsK89 hey I’m so sorry you’re also going through this horrible time it’s soul destroying isn’t it !!! Do you have any children ? And have you had any testing done to see what your problem might be ? Xx

@Sadgirl28 I am so sorry you are going through all this. I know this is dark times you are living, but please remember that life has much to offer! You are a young woman, and by the things you've been through, I know you are strong as well!
Feeling down after all these it's perfectly normal and understandable.
If you're waiting about IVF, then please think about it as your goal. Your target! You have to get ready for it! Diet, excercise, stress and psychology are very important to your success.
What is helping me, is thinking setting small goals that will help me keep in track. ex "Get dressed today and go out - even if it's just to the groceries". With a lot of small steps like that, slowly I believe you will start to feel better. Also, try to follow on social media ivf coaches, with POSITIVE attitudes.
If you need anything, or just someone to vent to, feel free to DM me.
I wish you all the luck in the world!

@Sadgirl28 it really is soul destroying! I just got out for some fresh air on my lunch break and walked past so many mums and their babies and just wished it was me!

No children unfortunately. I have one diagnosed problem, however after further investigations they don’t want to do anything about it. I have a hospital appointment this week by phone, I’m going to ask for further tests then 🤞🏼

Always here if you just want to rant and be depressed together, sometimes there isn’t anything to say to make things better; they simply are just a bit shit!!

@Sadgirl28 I'm so sorry! I feel like this most days, 3.5 years TTC and not a single bfp 2 failed ivf cycles main issue seems to be my husband but consultant wants to do a few more tests on me before doing another cycle. I tried to clean up my diet my main issues is a bad sweet tooth but increasingly I've given up hope and just don't see the point it's a particularly low point today as I've just found out I'll be supervising a new pregnant employee at work.
I don't think there's an easy answer I think just trying to find things you enjoy and maybe take advantage of being able to do more things now that lockdown is easing. I sometimes find fertility podcasts helpful and just talking to people in this forum who understand how shit not is.
Hopefully for all of us the way we are feeling is only temporary but it's hard to think that way sometimes
I would say you age is definitely in your favour with regards to TTC xxx

@MsK89 aww I hope you feel better after going for fresh air ! Can I ask what is your diagnosis ? All my blood tests have come back perfect , my problem is septate uterus , A septate uterus is a deformity of the uterus, which happens during fetal development before birth. A membrane called the septum divides the inner portion of uterus, at its middle. This dividing septum is a fibrous and muscular band of tissue that can be thick or thin, so I will be having 3D scan next week to confirm the diagnosis because they only used normal scan 2D to spot it but it wasn’t so clear so that why I am having 3D scan , I am sooo happy to finally find my cause for all my losses ! I’m 100% sure that’s why I lost 5 already !the good news is that they can remove the septum Have you had all the fertility blood tests done and scan ? Which ones have you had done ? Have they referred you to infertility doctor ? X

@Roo45 awww I know exactly how you feel !! I hate that life is so unfair and puts us through so much pain ! I hope you doctors finds something that will work for you ! That must be so hard having 2 failed ivf cycle oh god I can’t imagine ! I will be having ivf in few months hopefully so fingers crossed ! I don’t know how I have been so strong for so many years after losing 5 pregnancy’s , I guess I just put a happy face on and die inside . I feel like I’m used to losing pregnancy’s , every time I get pregnant I know for a fact lll lose it and that’s always been the case ! But no more ! I am not trying again until I get my septum
Removed from my uterus and then I have excellent chance to carry pregnancy I never knew I had a septum until 2 weeks ago , doctors kept missing it when doing scans . I feel like I’m one step closer to my goal now ! I hated not knowing what’s wrong with me even though I knew something must be wrong ! And finally they have found what’s wrong , yay ! About time ! I suffered for years and years with pain and not knowing