I always meant to share my story on one of these sites as I remember trawling them endlessly for information and scraps of hope when I was at my lowest.
It took me about 8 years to conceive and through all the tests no answer could be given as to why it hadn't happened. I pushed to have a laparoscopy and hysteroscopy and hammed up painful periods to see if a problem could be found and fixed. When I came round from theatre all groggy and confused I got told my fallopian tube was tuck to my bowel but I was probably born that way and no reason could be seen as to why I couldn't conceive. I had tried Clomid and nothing seemed to work prior to the op. I was sent on my way with the last 3 rounds of aclomid and I felt utterly broken. It took best part of 18 months to get the op done due to such high waiting lists at my hospital. My partner already has children so we were not eligible for ivf and we can't afford to pay for ivf ourselves.
I had truly come to the end of the road and I had started to look into egg sharing or adoption or contemplating a life without children. I felt I was getting to a point where I had to accept and let go of hoping for my own sanity.
I had experience so many dark days and all the while no whiff of a positive pink line.
One month post op I feel pregnant. It was Christmas time and I was so utterly stunned. I was overjoyed. I was told sometimes laparoscopies and hysteroscopies can give you a good clear out and make you more fertile for a few months after. My whole life felt complete. A few weeks later I miscarried.
I was now completely broken and didn't have it in me to try any more. I needed to push it out my mind and try and carve out a life I would be happy with. I threw myself into work and got a kitten who I adored.
A few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. The most gut wrenching, anxiety fuelled pregnancy known to man with frequently bouts of bleeding throughout but at Christmas I gave birth to a beautiful boy. I dont know why or how but it happened. I truly stopped believing it would happen to me and it did.
Not only did it happen but without even trying 9 months after my son was born I fell pregnant again and am currently 35 weeks with my second baby.
My son is now 17 months old and I still look at him with disbelief at how it happened. I still emotionally find it hard to think about my infertility journey and know the silent suffering so many go through.
You are not alone. There is always, always hope.