Time to call it a day?

[LJM83]

Hi all
I'm 38 and my husband is 35, we are so lucky to have a 7 year old DD who was conceived naturally very quickly.

We have been TTC no.2 for over 3 years and diagnosed with unexplained secondary infertility.

We started IVF last year (July) and have now had 2 fresh cycles - 1st cycle with a fresh transfer and 2 x FETs, 2nd cycle 1 fresh transfer and none to freeze. We have had 2 BFNs and 2 miscarriages, both diagnosed at 6 week viability scan.

I'm fed up with the entire process to be honest and can't decide if we should continue.

We so desperately want a sibling for our DD but it is so draining and an absolute emotional roller coaster - with the lows by far out weighing any short-lived highs!

Any words of encouragement / success stories beyond 2 fresh cycles (4 trfs)?

TIA for any comments - they are greatly appreciated x

It took me 5 rounds of IVF and 4 transfers to have my twins after 3 years of secondary infertility, 5 miscarriages and 2 ectopics culminating in losing both tubes. My 5th egg collection I always knew would be my last - I was tired, emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. We were very lucky that it finally worked.

For me I knew we'd given it everything we had so I had no regrets about stopping and during the first lockdown when it was just the 3 of us I realised that we'd be ok as a family of 3 and could finally do the things we had put off due to IVF - move house, book expensive holidays etc

I think you know in your heart when you are ready to stop. My daughter was a bit younger than yours - 4 - and I already felt tremendous guilt and anger for not being able to focus on her whilst going through treatment (or recovering from a loss).

It took a while for me to reach that point though - to wake up in the morning and be at peace and be happy with our family as it was and not yearn/be upset/grieve for the family I had always imagined and at the time couldn't have

If you don't feel "done" and can go again for another cycle then I would say do it otherwise you might regret it.

But it's easy to convince yourself that the next cycle will be "the one"

Has your clinic suggested trying anything different if you decide to go again?

@andivfmakes3 thank you so much for your response. Wow, you really have been through it, I'm amazed you were able to keep going and so so pleased you got there in the end, what a fab story.

I'm pleased to hear that you got to the stage where you felt ready to give up because I feel like I don't think I'd ever make peace with it and so would have to force myself to move on. I can't imagine waking up in the morning and feeling the way you describe.

Financially we are able to continue and I know we are so lucky for that, but that then doesn't give you a definite end date and although I'm not young (in fertility terms) I do still have some time to keep going.

I've had a antagonist and long cycle so I'm not sure what they'll suggest if we do decide on a 3rd cycle - I'm not sure there are many other options.

How old are your twins? I hope you're all doing well x

Hi @LJM83 I've just seen this thread after posting on your other one.

Have you considered pausing and doing further investigations before another cycle?

I did this after 2 transfers and having never had a BFP ever.

I PGT-A tested my embryos so I know that a euploid embryo is being transferred.

I had recurrent implantation blood tests, this involves a thrombophilia screen to see if I'm prone to clot, they found an abnormal gene so I'm going to be on aspirin and heparin now and autoantibodies, these were negative for me luckily, but if any are found then people can be put on steroids.

I also insisted on an ERA EMMA ALICE, I was put on a mock medicated FET on the day they would have done a transfer they biopsied my endometrium. The ERA shows if you need to be on progesterone for more or less time than the standard regime. The ALICE looks for bacteria that cause chronic endometritis and the EMMA at the microflora, this is incredibly important for implantation as well as an ongoing pregnancy. There needs to be over 90% lactobacillus for good outcomes, I had 0.00%, I took antibiotics for a week and probiotics. I've been told I should have better outcomes now.

I also had a HSG, this type of imaging is really helpful to see if there are structural issues, in my case they were looking for adhesions as things weren't adding up.

I would suggest you have a chat with your clinic about doing some tests to try and see if there is an issue. I pushed for the microflora test and I'm so glad I did!